Finding-Aid for the Elijah M. Walker Collection (MUM00460)
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Walker, Elijah M.
Elijah M. Walker Collection.
Collection consists of transcriptions of one diary of Caroline King (1851-1860) and 5 original diaries of Elijah Millington Walker (1848-1851).
Elijah M. Walker Collection (MUM00460). The Department of Archives and Special Collections, J.D. Williams Library, The University of Mississippi.
Collection consists of transcriptions of one diary of Caroline King (1851-1860) and 5 original diaries of Elijah Millington Walker (1848-1851).
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Box 1 Folder 1: Transcription of Caroline King diary 1851-1860
Folder 2: Transcription of the Autobiography of Elijah M. Walker Part 1
Folder 3: Transcription of the Autobiography of Elijah M. Walker Part 1
Folder 4: Transcription of the Second Notebook of Elijah M. Walker
Folder 5: Transcription of the Third Notebook of Elijah M. Walker (Diary of 1850)
Folder 6: Transcription of Diary of 1851
Folder 7: Transcription of Diary of Elijah M. Walker, Fifth Volume
TRANSCRIPTION OF THE CARONLINE KING DIARY. TRANSCRIPTION BY JENNIFER FORD, SPECIAL COLLECTIONS LIBRARIAN.
Transcription of Caroline King’s diary:
“Diary This is intended to be a strict journal of my life, to note every important event or occurrence and all that may affect me in a worldly or moral point: This to be constantly kept and if in the course of events I should be called to another state of existence shall be dedicated to my —Cousin Millington Walker if he should survive me.
Caroline [L.] King
This Dedication will be most thankfully received and duly appreciated by me E.M. Walker
About the middle of this month I cam [sic.] to the determination of visiting Tennessee and Mississippi and taking with me my oldest brother for the purpose of placing him at a good school.
21st I bade adieu to my fond parents and two darling little brothers, and with a heart too full for utterance, and eyes o’er flowing with blinding tears I entered the coach that was to convey me from my home and the loved ones there. Never before had I imagined the feeling that I should experience from a sepparation [sic] of several months or perhaps even years. Many [viz] many things rose vividly in my mind to remind me that some of those dear ones might possibly be torn from existence before the time should arrive for me again to revisit that happy home; or perhaps disaster awaited me on the deep or some dire pestilence would seize my vitals and stretch my own weak frame forever from the doating [sic] eyes of my more than fond parents, but even through the heart rending agony that pervaded my soul, the whisperings of my guardian angel told me there was still the protection of my Heavenly Father’s hand extended towards me abroad as well as at home.
But still blinding scalding tears would find vent when I viewed for the last time our beautiful forest, where I surveyed for the last time my own lovely prairies, where I had so often wandered of mornings when the dew was sparkling briliantly [sic] in the glorious sunlight resembling beautious [sic] gems sprinkled on the verdent [sic] plains and when the feathered songsters were [illegible word] their sweet notes to their Maker’s praise or in the evening when the west horizon; [tiping?] and bordering the clouds with his shining tints until they resembled gorgeous draperies azure and gold; and how often had I beheld there lovely prospects when bathed in the liquid rays of the beautious Queen of night, when the long prairie grass was swept by the sweet sea breezes ’til it resembles the placid undulations of the mighty deep; but now these were soon. As disappears from my enthusiastic vision. The coach still rolled on and the prairies I love the farms and residences of my friends and acquaintances in turn were fast disappearing in the distance. Fifteen miles from my home we stoped [sic] to change horses refreshments were placed before me but I could
not eat, and again we were whirled on our way over hill and dale prairie and through forests and at last were whirled up to the Globe house in Victoria. I was ushered into the parlor and immediately supper was announced but my appetite still continuing obstinate I declined going to the table, but ordered a cup of tea to be brought me after drinking it I summoned a servant to go for a friend at another hotel who shortly arrived and conducted me to his residence after conversing a short time with his wife I requested his attendance to see my friends Mr and Mrs [Shires] with whom I spent the evening until a late hour, when I was accompanied by Mr. [Shires] back to the hotel. Retiring at a late hour exhausted nature was not long in being lost in the arms of Morpheus, and while [illegible word] was sitting silently at my pillow my own guardian angels were wearing bright chaplets for the future, and my dreams were so vividly passing before my eyes that all seemed a waking reality. If there can be as much waking bliss as we sometimes experience in these entrancing night existences. But to me the dreaming hours are the happiest most joyous ones of my life.
June 22nd I was roused form my sweet slumbers by the shrill sound of the horn for a stage just starting to Cairo, and I had only just time to complete my hasty toilette and eat a slight breakfast when the [Lavaca] Stage was ready and receiving my baggage and in a few minutes we were hurrying on our way, with an adition [sic] to our numbers of a gentleman and lady after which we resumed our rise soon to be whisked into my favorite little town. I that afternoon witnessed an appearance I had often wished to see and it was the Mirage. the [sic] appearance of the Boy was on the prairie when in reality the boy was more than eight miles distant, the waves appeared slightly agitated and occasionally were thrown up and danced and played in the sunbeams in a most beautiful manner. When I first observed it I forgot for a moment our distance from the Boy and imagined that we were near that lovely sheet of water but some consideration I remembered that no arm of that body of water extended in that direction and from its situation ’twas impossible to see it at so great a distance in that direction, when I was assured that it was one of those beautiful appearances
so often seen by travelers in such countries I experienced the most agreable [sic] emotions of delight.
About 3 o’clock we arrived in [Lavaca]. I was driven around to my friend’s lovely little cottage where I was received with open arms by my dear Mr Rea. in [sic] a few minutes my friend Mrs Forbes made her appearance and had but just finished my toilet for the evening when Miss Lucy Williams and Mrs Ada Hensley two precious friends came to welcome me to their little town I experienced real heartfelt emotions of pleasure at so many demonstrations of affection from those who were esteemed so highly by me. Give me a few true, honest, sincere, and generous hearts and they are worth all the gold of California the diamonds of [Golconda] the spices of the isles or all the hidden treasures of the mighty deep. We spent several hours together and separated when shortly supper was announced and after partaking of a meal which the French would call reherch頛sic] my friend gave me a few strains of music on the Piano and I then retired to my room but how different were the feelings I experienced upon retiring that evening to what they were a few months before in that same house; then the sweet, joyous notes of my own wild
Carrie’s voice were heard to echo from room and filled the house with gladness, now all was stillness: then we both occupied the same room the same bed, and [very] laughed and talked ourselves to sleep, now I was above communing with my own thoughts. Why was? What change had come o’er the spirit of my dreams She had departed months before to the north and now was [sharing] some other friend with her gladsome strains, some other friend was sharing her room and couch, and here she had ‘left an aching void.’ With such reflections I prepared to take my rest and with such was soon wrapt in the arms of Morpheus
June 23rd Arose a bright and cloudless day; after arising and completing my simple morning toilet I repaired to the Breakfast room, where the table was spread with a simple repast just suiting the appetites of ladies of refined tastes and as no gentlemen were present we were a free and easy [illegible word].
After breakfast was over I commenced preparations for my journey, and was soon surrounded with all the Ectera [sic] for dress making. I soon saw the departure of several of my young friends for Victoria to attend a celebration of the twenty fourth. Having an invitation to dine with Mrs Forbes I arranged my dinner Toilet
and repaired to her residence where I met a Gentleman just returned from New Orleans. Dinner was soon announced which when finished and the gentlemen had concluded their toasts over Mr Forbes’ good wines we returned to the Parlor where we were enlivened by strains of music brought forth by the fair fingers of the presiding deity of the house, the gentlemen soon retired and left the field clear for the ladies, who also in a few hours adjourned. and again evening shadows began to all tea being over, and music again called forth recollections of the past and again I was alone within sanctuary of my own room, after reading my usual chapter in the best of books and resigning myself into the hands of my heavenly father. I again laid my head upon my pillow to visit once more my sweet land of dreams.
June 24th Again rose a cloudless day and with no occurrence worth notice again it closed and Morpheus once more a welcome guest. Dreaming is my life of bliss.
June 25th Rising from my couch and raising my blind I discovered the sky overcast with clouds and the rain beginning to fall in torrents, not a ray of sunshine could penetrate the heavy curtain that hung like a pall over the mighty orb of day. I soon felt assured there would be but little intercourse between us [illegible word] friends that day, but notwithstanding the inclement weather the needles were plied with equally as much success as usual and preparations for leaving were coming off swimmingly, though at last the day with all its dreary aspect came to a close and soon after Tea I retired to my room. I was soon disposed of for the night, as I imagined, but [illegible word] imaginings, who knows what a night may bring forth. Closing my eyes the faithful Gods true to their trust again stationed themselves around my pillow, many bright and joyous visions passed before me, and restless fancy wandered forth upon new scenes and new discoveries. She had pictured to my delighted mind beautiful scenes where bright prairies and waving forests were blending their loneliness, and meandering through wood and prairie was a beautiful murmuring rivulet glittering at every turn in the rays of a bright and beauteous Moon. Soft music was heard blending with the melody [angels voices?] beauteous [illegible word] were dancing and the verdant carpet and twining bright garlands to adorn the festive hall amid the wild freaks that displayed their joyous nature these [illegible word] and flows turning and soft murmurs of the brook mingling with the mellow moonlight and soft strains of thrilling music, all conspired to
give me happy visions of enchantments amid it all at times I could distinguish the roaring of something resembling the rush of a torrent. at [sic] last a beauteous nymph resplendent in graces and innate charms directed her steps to where I was reclining upon a grassy mound half hid by bright fragrant and lovely flowers. she [sic] came forward with a smile and extended her tiny hand to [ease] me from my lovely couch. she [sic] soon with her bland smiles and persuasive eloquence persuaded me to accompany her to her own romantic home. we [sic] started amid the glad strains of music [poured] from every tree and [illegible word] of grass, flowers were strewed in my pathway garlands were twined in my hair and and [sic] the glad choruses of the Elfin throng rose clear and joyous in the enchanted atmosphere. just [sic] as my feet touched the pebbled beach my beauteous conductor extended her hand to assist me in our [exit] to the [illegible word] grotto beneath the sparkling wave. I grasped it when [several illegible words] was upon me, my conductor vanished and the torrent was pouring in mirthless fury upon me threatening my destruction. I [illegible word] and with that my dreams dissipated and I had risen suddenly in my bed the rain had increased and the gale risen to such a hight [sic] that it had blown the water under the
shingles and then leaked through the ceiling upon the tester of my bed until about a bushel of water had collected when the papering broke and it came in a torrent upon a poor defenceless [sic] dreamer. My first impression was that I had approached too near a roaring cataract and had been hurled beneath it to be drowned with it maddening fury. I soon collected my thoughts and my friend hearing my shriek came with a light to my assistance. Who can imagine the scene that room presented my bed with a pool standing in the middle, the floors flooded, tables chairs and Bureau deluged, and books papers and clothing saturated, and the gale without at its very hight [sic] almost threatening the destruction of the building. I changed my dripping clothing for something dry and soon repaired to another room to compose myself for another adventure.
June 26th Still raining in torrents but intelligence reaches us of the destruction of property on the wharves and in the warehouses the tide rising to such a hight [sic] as to sweep away the wharves and all the bathing houses. In the afternoon the party which attended the celebration returned having been all the previous night out on the prairies in the coach which had nearly been blown away. the [sic]
night was so excessively dark that after running the risk several times of being overturned and loosing [sic] the road, stoped [sic] and took lodging on the prairie. it [sic] was crowded with gentlemen and ladies and many amusing things they had to relate about their adventure.
June 28th Again the Sun comes forth “rejoicing as a Bridegroom to run a race” and with his warm rays soon dries the streets so that in the afternoon we could venture out to do a little shopping, being out late I encountered my young friends [L.S. Atterdby?] by a a [sic] stylish young Gent taking an evening stroll. I was introduced to this youngster and was persuaded to join the party. We turned at [illegible word] homeward but having
a pressing invitation to spend the evening with them I complied and spent a very pleasant time in animated conversation until ten oclock. [sic]. All my friends walked home with me and at the gate parted with many merry speeches.
June 29th A bright and glorious Sabbath Morn the bells were soon ringing for Sabbath school and the children were seen flocking to the house of worship where ’tis good to be found. At the singing of the church bells I in company with my friends repaired to church where I heard the gospel preached in its purity by the Rev. Mr Graham. Late in the afternoon after reading various authors an evening walk was proposed and accompanied by Lucy, [Ada], Annie Wilson and several others we strolled along the borders of the lovely bay, while gone we found a singular looking crab of a most beautiful blue color on our return we were met by Mr. Tyler who accompanied us during the remainder of the walk. I left the girls at their home and Mr. T. was in attendance returned to Mrs. Rea’s where after tea we were joined by the above mentioned young ladies and several gents and after spending the evening very agreeably in conversation we separated for the night.
June 30th Another lovely day was ushered in and still preparations were going on for my departure, shortly after Breakfast I repaired to Lucy’s room to spend the morning. Very soon Mrs. Forbes sent for us both and we adjourned to her home to spend the day we enjoyed ourselves exceedingly well and in the afternoon Ada [H.?] accompanied by Mr. Tyler came. Mrs. Forbes had never seen the Gent an [sic] she to have fun did not make her appearance until she had completed a very handsome and tasteful Toilet when she went out of the home the back way and came in at the front gate when I met her at the door and introduced her as Miss Hickenbottom which caused a general burst of Laughter from the girls and no little amusement to the Gent, we were in hopes he would be smitten immediately with the charms of the Mrs but he was soon aware of the joke and enjoyed it finely. He and she were then deputised [sic] to go for Annie W who soon came and then for the fun all remained til late in the afternoon when all left but [Ani] Mr. T. leaving an engagement with her and me to go with us to spend the evening after tea with Lucy and Ada where we met Mr. Beaumont another of our Texan Beaux. I then got into a very spirited [contention] with Mr. Tyler as to the advantages and disadvantages on the annexation of Texas to the U.S.
July 1st Again nature was in her best attire and again I found myself on the comfortable sofa in my friend Lucy’s room when I arrived Lucy and Ada were in a high discussion about something heard by them relative to the character of the renowned Mr. Tyler. reports [sic] having reached there of his dissipation but Lucy ever lenient towards those not passed redemption excused him on plea of his extreme youth and agreeable manners. after [sic] all was said t’was agree’d that he should not be condemned and banished from our society without a proper investigation as we believed that the reports had been circulated by envious persons. While engaged in lively conversation we were sent for to assist in making the Grave clothes for a fellow mortal who had finished his career on this bright sunny earth a few hours before. with [sic] buisy [sic] hands and sad hearts we commenced the sad task and soon had them all finished But who can ever be engaged in such an occupation without reflecting than in a few short hours the same solemn task may be performing for ourselves? The corpse was a gentleman in the prime of life and had been called away leaving a devoted wife to mourn his loss; he had been in the place but a few days having gone there for his health. Miss Stanton insisted on our staying to dinner which we at last
consented; and afterwards left to do some shopping. I spent the afternoon with Lucy and we were soon cheered by the appearance of the beautiful Steamer [illegible word] coming majestically ploughing [sic] her way through the waves of the beauteous bay; a party had been in contemplation several days previous to be given to the Officers on board, by the Ladies of Lavaca and now all were in a state of pleasant excitement in anticipation of the coming pleasures. I returned to Mrs. [Ped’s] before tea after which Lucy and Ada came and we all went to Mrs. Forbes where there was a warm discussion relative to the propriety of having the party the following evening; from there we went to Mrs. Stanton’s where Ada and I left the [illegible word] and went to see Annie Wilson The moon shone beautifully and with our arms around each other we wandered negligently on discussing our own affairs and forgetting all else besides. we [sic] soon arrived at the door of Mrs. Wilson’s and when just entering the house discovered them in company with Mr. Tyler playing Eucher [sic] and he was just making some remark relative to discussion we were engaged in the evening before, when we entered he was under some embarrassment no doubt thinking I heard him, he soon rallied his spirits and when we retired attended us home.
July 2nd. The Sun rose in all his majesty and commenced his glorious race. after [sic] breakfast busy preparations were going on for the coming party, every lady was to contribute something towards it and all were engaged. several [sic] inquiries were made of me relative to going but I declined several times, and at ten oclock when the bell tolled the funeral knell I was one who attended the house of mourning. after [sic] the funeral [illegible word] we repaired with the friends of the deceased to the [illegible word]. ’twas [sic] a very warm day and not a cloud for a moment obscured the burning rays of a Summer Sun. I stood there as all the others as in the presence of the All-mighty witnessing the lowering of a fellow creature into the [bourn] from whence no traveller [sic] returns, as the clods rattled against the lid of the coffin the fond widowed wife uttered a short piercing shriek which was about enough to pierce the depths of the grave and the slumbers of the unconsious [sic] sleeper. After the last sad offices were performed for the dead we all again left for our respective homes. After dinner I repaired to Lucy’s room where she was making arrangements for the evening festival she insisted on my going but after the solemnities of the morning I could not feel conscientious in doing so; shortly afterward, I was sent
for by Mrs. Rea to assist her in arranging the Supper table I complied with her request as doing otherwise would not only look very selfish but ungenerous. after [sic] all the supper arrangements were completed we returned home where again I was solicited to go and Mrs. Rea declared that though it was her wish to go if I did not she would also remain at home, and not wishing to prevent her going I at last consented after getting her to promise to return home with me whenever I should say so. I dressed very plainly in a pale rose colored Tarleton high in the neck with short sleeves trimmed with pale Blue and Pink fringe, a little piece of lace close around the throat no trimming in my hair and only a rosebud in my bosom, with a handsome bracelet on my left arm and pearls on the other and white kid gloves and slippers When we arrived the dancers were already tipping the ‘light fantastic toe.’ I soon succeeded in finding a seat and was not long in finding an agreeable beau who could keep up an animated conversation. I there met again the same Mr. Tyler and again managed to get into a considerable contention in which my friends remarked that he had a hard hand to deal with. I was introduced and became acquainted with the officers of the [illegible word] and at an early hour retired.
July 3rd I arose as early this morning as usual not-withstanding I had been up late the evening before. Soon after breakfast I repaired to my Friend Lucy’s and on entering her room unannounced found her reclining on her sofa wraped [sic] in the downy arms of [Somnus]. I staid [sic] a moment gazing upon the serenity of a countenance so often lit up by the fire of intellect blazing from orbs which reflect intelligence and nobleness of soul. After standing a short time a bright smile passed over her countenance and then her eyes opened said she ‘Carrie I knew t’was you before I awoke for I felt your presence even while asleep.’ she [sic] soon arose and dressing immediately her breakfast was sent to her room after eating which she proposed a walk to her uncle’s store. After chating a short time there a gentleman came riding in a handsome buggy and offered it to us to take a ride, we both accepted it and Lucy with the reins and I with the whip started we drove out two or three miles and returned, and met again in the store the officers of the steamer who provided me every attention when I should go on board their craft which I did not intend doing until the next trip. that marking Brothers arrival. The steamer was to be back in 17 days.
July 4th I was awoke by a loud thundering voice and before I could collect my wandering senses was out of my bed upon the floor my first impulse was to run to the window and looking out upon the Bay saw the much favored [illegible name of the steamer] ploughing [sic] her way through the waves, which were so soon to bear me away from my own fair adopted land. still that deafening thundering noise went on, and t’was not til a repetition of it that I recollected it was the anniversary of our glorious independence. There was no great ado more than the firing of Cannon. The day passed away as usual and Lucy came to take tea with before tea we had all [stepped] into Mr. Forbes’ and there met a couple of Gentlemen from Texanna with whom Lucy had quit a discussion on the subject of matrimony she avowing her firm determination of never marrying at the time we returned to Mrs. Rea’s where a spent a very agreeable evening in each other’s society, we separated for the night and after my [illegible word] chapter in my Guide. I resigned myself into the hands of an all wise creator and soon was within the limits of the precious land of dreams, where all is bright, glorious, joyous and lovely.
July 5th Passed off as usual with nothing to ruffle the smooth serenity of a calm and tranquil life. still [sic] my preparations were going on and was anxiously waiting for the return of the steamer.
July 21st Nothing of importance having happened to call forth the admiration wonder or [pity?] of future generations I will not consume time by [illegible word] it from the fifth to the last date, but now all were in anxious expectation of the [A. Turrlier’s] return many merchants were ready to leave for the north and the gentleman with whom I was to come in charge of to New Orleans was in Lavaca ready to leave. but [sic] day after day passed and nothing yet was seen of the long desired object until hope had well nigh expired in the breasts of at the delay untill [sic] the 29th the majestic steamer came into the Bay and was soon landed at the wharf, then buisy [sic] preparation was going on by all. Soon invitations were sent out for a party to be given on board the evening following.
July 30th Ladies were all in anticipation of an exceedingly pleasant party and preparations were making [them render] themselves as lovely as could be. at [sic] last the evening arrived and after all my
friends who had called were gone I commenced my own simple Toilet which consisted of a Pink Tarleton made low in the neck with short sleeves, trimmed with pink Lace and Gimp and a flounced skirt, the sleeves were looped up with strings of pearls, and around my neck the necklace of the same was worn in my hair was trimmed a simple Bouquet of Honeysuckle and white roses and on of the same was in my bosom. White kid slippers and Gloves finished the attire and soon I was on my way to the festival. The boat was brilliantly lighted and every arrangement was made for the convenience and enjoyment of the guests. shortly [sic] after our arrival the dancing commenced and I soon having an invitation to walk out on the guard accepted it as the warmth of the room prevented my enjoyment there as I was no dancer I soon had a seat provided for me and was soon surrounded by the steady footed Beaux, the time passed off very agreeably until supper was announced whish was in the best of style with plenty of Champagne and Ice to make the eyes of all the ladies sparkle the remainder of the evening. After supper I again found myself outside of the Cabin in a close teteatete with a particular friend who requested the privilege of
Writing to me during my abscence [sic] which was granted and a mutual promise to be punctual in the correspondence this same particular friend attended me home and on the way used all his eloquence to persuade me not to leave at that time I know not what the effect might have been had it not been brought to a close by our arrival at my [Friend’s] gate with a kind adieu for the night we parted. soon [sic] after my head was laid upon my soft and inviting pillow and though t’was late sleep came not to refresh my weary frame, contending emotions rushed through my heart and at times I almost believed I l—d. At last I sunk into a quiet slumber which lasted but a few hours
July 31st I was awakened by the first ray of light that entered my room. I was soon conscious that I had no time to waste in bed and quickly dressed and commenced my final preparations as the boat was to leave that day. I breakfasted with Mrs. Forbes and spent part of the morning with her and returned to Mrs. Rea’s and employed my time reading to her until the dinner hour after which I composed myself enough to lie down to snatch a few short moments of repose before leaving. I had been asleep some time when I was summoned to get my baggage in readiness to leave all was soon ready and
sent away after dressing I in company with Mrs. Rea started to go on board. I stoped [sic] to see Lucy who was preparing to go down to see us off we were again on our way and soon met my particular friend who had started to Mr. Rea’s to accompany me aboard. At last I was safely bag and baggage stored away on board and as several ladies from Lavaca were going as far as Indianola to see their friends off we had a merry crowd. Soon after the curling smoke was going upward and the mighty enjine [sic] commenced its task and we were driving on our way, the green hills the white houses, and loving friends, were left behind. We had gone but a few miles when night came on and the captain fearing the Bar which we were in the vicinity of, anchored for the night.
August 1st. Before the sun had risen I was out of my Birth [sic] hastily dressing that I might once more view my own Lovely Lavaca. when [sic] I arrived on the guards the boat was again going upon her track and all the receeding [sic] town was in a whirl just as the Breakfast bells were ringing we landed at the wharf at Indianola. I was standing at the door of the Cabin looking at the town when to my astonishment my particular friend presented himself and seemed in
most joyful surprise to meet me so early, he had the evening before at about nine o’clock left Lavaca on horseback and arrived in Indianola in time to take a few hours rest before our arrival and [we] the first come aboard at landing, we had a short conversation when he bade me adieu and went in search of some other friend, but I again discovered that he had not left until after breakfast I saw him at table and several times I detected him in the act of looking as though he would search the hidden secrets of my soul. I almost grieved to think that my absence was to cause pain to one I respected so much, in the crowd we were separated and had no opportunity of again speaking, but I saw him long after he had left the boat. I that morning parted with my dear friends Mrs. Rea and May Forbes. Soon the [bounding] vessel was on her way. leaving [sic] the white and boiling foam behind marking her track long after she had sped on her way. At about eleven oclock [sic] we again stoped [sic] at [Deckrose] point to receive freight and there several ladies and Gentlemen who had gone to Lavaca to attend the party landed and left but another Lady and myself aboard. There one of the Clerks and Brother went Crabbing and caught an almost
incredible number of these delicious creatures. At five oclock [sic] we were again on our way about a mile from the shore was a schooner lying waiting for the steamer to tow her into the gulf soon the necessary arrangements were made and the vessel full sail came [bounding] through the water after us secured by large cables. Just as we were starting I witnessed a most exciting scene for a few minutes that could be imagined, a small boat had started from the Point and was evidently making for the schooner it contained two men who were using the most strenuous exertions to reach the vessel before she started several of us on board the steamer seeing the efforts of the almost desperate creatures prayed for their success but already the steam was puffing off at a furious rate and there exertions if possible were redoubled I entreated with the clerk to go to the Captain in their behalf for they had already followed two or three miles making every kind of signal and gesture that persons in earnest can imagine. the [sic] clerk [illegible word] above to see the captain but no halt was made and at last the poor fellows in despair commenced to retrace their way to the land but now the paddles were slowly and lazily plied and I could not but
imagine what my own feelings would have been under the same circumstances. At six o’clock we entered the mighty Gulf many of us had been jesting about sea sickness and Mr. Chandler the Clerk said that he would have the pleasure of seeing me sick the firs[t] one. but [sic] I endeavored to keep the dinner off by sitting out on the guards in the breeze I would often feel the dreadful neausea [sic] ready to seize me but I was still determined to hold out as long as possible. at [sic] last Mr. Chandler who was waiting every motion of my frame and the workings of my countenance exclaimed as he saw me ready to start from my seat Col catch Miss King and take her to her room which he did and as soon as I entered the room all was over with me for that day and night.
August 2nd I rose with the sun and after repeated efforts at last succeeded in dressing myself when going out on the guards discovered that we were nearing Galveston soon the boat dashed up to the wharf where it intended remaining the day, after breakfast I arranged my toilet to go out in the city to spend the day with a friend. I was accompanied by Mr. [Saltmark]. after [sic] walking about a mile and a half through
the handsomest part of the city we arrived at the gate of a beautiful little lot where the house was embowered in shrubbery and vines. We were cordially received by our friends and shortly afterwards Mr. S. started in search of the young Gent belonging to the family and I feeling very dehabilitated [sic] from my sickness I soon found my place on a lounge and was [illegible word] in a sweet slumber that refreshed me both bodily and mentally. The young Gent soon came and after dinner was over I gathered a handsome boquet [sic] and soon was on my way accompanied by my young friend back to the boat on our way he was very particular in showing me all the important [illegible word] buildings and other objects of interest. stopping in a jewellers [sic] store to make a small purchase. when [sic] we started from there the boat bell was just ringing when hurrying on board we were just in time to leave. soon [sic] the majestic boat was ploughing [sic] its way through the blue billows leaving behind the beauteous track which seemed boiling and foaming as some mighty caldron. within [sic] an hour I again was moaning in my room being attacked once again by the dreadful sea sickness. all [sic] night that dreadful nausea was
upon me and every motion of the vessel only added to make it worse.
August 3 Sabbath a beautiful morning but upon my rising from my narrow couch I found that I was incapable of dressing myself and I again threw myself down expecting no enjoyment during my trip after repeated attempts I succeeded in finishing my toilet and with the assistance of the Cabin maid at last got to the sofa in the Cabin and there lay extended for the remainder of the day after experiencing all the effects of the awful dreadful wretching [sic] without the least benefit resulting from it until a sent and procured some of the Gulf water which acted as an emetic and caused great relief. about five oclock [sic] I was able to dress myself though not without some difficulty to go out on the guards where the sweet gulf like breezes played as they came fresh from off the beauteous placid ripples of the blue gulf. the [sic] blue billows were rolling beneath the blue sky was extended above, in the west the bright orb of day was sinking to rest behind a canopy of joyous luminous clouds not an object was to be seen on the blue expanse of water and our noble vessel seemed to be the presiding spirit of the lovely scene that was presented to my admiring vision. I sat delighted with all this grandure [sic] and filled with exalted sentiments at seeing the mighty works of the Almighty’s hand for nowhere in this world do we feel the protection and guidance of an ever ruling providence so much as when far away bounding over a [illegible word] space of boiling flood with only a few boards between us and a boundless eternity. Soon the singing of the supper bell broke in upon my reveries and with the assistence [sic] of Mr. Chandler I gained once more my seat at the table though not still able to take more that a cup of tea and a morsel of black bread. After tea Mr. Chandler placed chairs on a very pleasant part of the guards and we sat down to enjoy the beautiful evening, the moon had risen in all her loveliness, the beams were streaming down into the lucid depth of the clear blue sea slight clouds [shrouded] the horizon in luminous bands and bright little twinklers were peeping out of the deep blue sky seeming to watch as on our way. we [sic] expected the next morning early to get to the Balise. I exacted a promise from Mr. Chandler to wake me to see them before retiring. about [sic] ten oclock [sic] I retired to my narrow couch to dream of future hours of bliss.
August 4th Before the little twinklers had sunk to rest after their strict night vigils, I was up and had completed my toilet so intent was I upon seeing where the mighty riser of the west [emptied] itself into the Gulf. After dressing I ran to the room of Mrs. Ayer and reminded her of her wish to see the same sight. she [sic] rose immediately and very soon we were on the guards but as the view was not so extensive there we ascended the hericane [sic] deck where we could discover small strips of land extending out like arms into the Gulf the lighthouses were seen looming up in the distance and their lights growing paler and paler in the increased light of day, a very bright light caught our attention which occasionally rose towering and flickered down close to the water’s edge. still [sic] our boat kept bounding on her way and the [illegible word] afar off were distinguishable as we neared the [balige] we descovered [sic] the large light proceeded from a burning vessel. all [sic] the rigging was burnt down and the mighty hull was slowly consuming away, soon the long wished for river was entered and we were once more near terra firma. near [sic] the mouth we often saw little huts sticking along close to the water’s edge and looked as if no human being could live in such a place. as [sic] we were bounding forward the breakfas[t]
bell announced that meal ready we all repaired to the table where all were able then to appear as there was no longer the sickening smell which was in the Gulf, the meal being finished I was once more on desk but clouds had obscured the brilliant morning sun a heavy mist [ha?] obscured the surrounding scene. while [sic] regreting [sic] the change Mr. Chandler came running to me with a spy glass saying quick Miss King look and you can see the [Pampero] bound for Cuba she was just passing us and he wished me to see if I could discover the men on board through the mist and fog, we soon discovered them and many on our boat lamented that they were out of the number, but Alas too many noble generous true hearts were hastening on to their own destruction. We had many beautiful things to see, beautiful plantations handsome improvements and lovely flowers marked our steps some yards were perfectly filled with [orange] trees laden with the ripe and [illegible word] fruit. Just as evening was throwing her mantle around the beauteous scenes we passed a beautiful house built in the gothic style with porticos and pillar and half embowered with majestic trees which extended down to the river’s brink. while [sic] gazing on this lovely place I was reminded of some beauteous pallace [sic] described in
some eastern romance. I could but stand and gaze until the scene had disappeared and I was summoned to Supper. still [sic] we [illegible word] on and still beauteous scenes presented themselves for the Moon had taken up her wonderous [sic] course and the spirit of enchantment seemed to have spread its influence over the scenery bordering the mighty river about ten oclock [sic] the boat came near New Orleans the bright lights were [illegible word] from every house and boat upon the river. I still sat out and with Mr. Chandler amused myself reading the names of the numberless boats which were lying on the river at last we landed and saw the bustle commenced of some going off and others coming aboard to see friends and though t’was late carriages and hacks were running in every direction throughout the city. before [sic] separating for the night Mr. Chandler offered his services in attending me to the French market early the next morning. I retired to my room but soon found it impossible to sleep for the Mosquitoes were determined that their share of the freight they would have I wandered first from the sofa to my own room and then back to the sofa again. I at last repaired to the guards and looked out on the
teeming city, a thousand emotions filled my bosom upon looking upon a place where pestilence was likely this moment to be raging at its hight [sic], here where thousands are swept off into eternity and no vestige was left upon the earth of where they were. How could I tell but that the first breeze that fanned my cheek from there would plant the seed of some dire disease and lay me prostrate among the cold ones of the earth? I again entered my room and there on my knees poured out supplication for my protection, I arose with the feeling of defendence [sic] and a firm reliance in the Giver of all good. I then wrapped myself in a sheet and could for a few brief moments snatch a little sleep, at last morning.
5th At last morning again opened a arose and had soon completed my dressing but as Mr. Chandler did not make his appearance I concluded that he had gone into the city and forgotten our engagement, but seating myself in the cabin he soon made his appearance looking somewhat surprised that I was not ready for my walk, and almost offended at my excuse saying that he was surprised that I should think for a moment that he would forget an engagement with a lady. I apologized and told him I would
keep him waiting but a few minutes. I was soon dressed suitable for the town and accompanied by Brother Rufus and sweet little Ellen Ayer we started after walking down the Levee some distance we turned into the city and [illegible word] streets and crossed squares; in one of which we could see the immense building designed for the Custom house after walking what we thought miles we at last came to the Market, the first thing that attracted my attention was a woman carrying immense Boquets [sic] of roses sweet roses I so much love. Mr. Chandler bought one and presented it to me, composed entirely of large buds just opening. We passed on seeing all varieties of meats and vegitable [sic] fruits and breadstufs [sic] and meeting persons from all parts of the world, this market resembles more the celebrated Babel of old more than anything else in the world. going [sic] on still further I came to another flower woman and had selected a handsome Bouquet composed of every variety of beautiful and fragrant flowers, and was just going to pay for it when I was arrested by Mr. Chandler who paid for it and presented it also. We now passed out and commenced our march back to the boat
on Chartres street we stoped [sic] occasionally to look at something that would strike our fancy. and [sic] purchased a few small articles and continued our walk meeting persons from all nations and dressed in all varieties of Costume except the Bloomer. at [sic] last we again found ourselves on board the boat with appetites well whetted for our breakfast which we had come near losing by our walk. Nearly all the passengers had by this time left the boat but the Captain knowing my plans respecting going to as hotel at the season gone we a cordial invitation to stay aboard until ready to leave for another boat. Mr. [Fulton] had acquainted me with the hour the [Louisville] boat was to leave and would come for me in time. after [sic] breakfast I waited anxiously for the arrival of a gentleman who was to accompany me on a shopping tour about ten oclock [sic] he came and once more I was traversing those long tiresome streets. On Chartres I made all my purchases and returned but the sun [bearing] down upon us and the walk being so long Col [Alsby] thought it advisable to get an omnibus and we with two reading companions were soon on the street leading to the river where we were
again set down and at last reached the boat I then parted with the Col. and tried to compose myself enough to read but found I was incapable to the task and only succeeded in writing to my dear Mother dinner soon came and again was dispensed with [I spent] my time till five oclock [sic] reading Shakespeare then Mr. Fulton came and conducted me of[f] board the W.H. Cliffton a new and splendid boat just making her first trip. After going aboard I seemed entirely lost several ladies had already come but their faces were entirely new. at [sic] last to my joy Mrs. Ayer came and would be with me until we arrived at Memphis. Soon the mighty [fabric] commenced her task and houses boats and sky began to whirl the steam was up and the majestic waterfowl moved proudly on. the [sic] last I saw of the [illegible name of first steamer] was Mr. Chandler waving an adieu with his handkerchief. I had only time to return the salute ere we were whirled away some from friends we respected others from loved children After we had started I almost began to feel isolation and regret leaving my fond friends at home
but how slight an action can make the warm current of friendship glow afresh how small a word may make persons mutual friends. The evening was warm and the position I occupied in standing on the guards to see the departure of the boat threw the sun directly in my face. I had neglected taking my sunbonnet and far from my room and while brooding over the utter loneliness of my situation a lady noticing my exposure to the Sun walked up to her husband taking at the same time his fan and gracefully came forward and begged me to receipt it as it would shield my face from the effects of the bright orb I received it with my most cordial thanks and immediately a conversation commenced which soon formed us into friends and all seemed as old acquaintences [sic]. the [sic] evening was calm and lovely and after Supper several of the Ladies and myself accompanied by one Gent ascended to the Hurricane deck to enjoy the beautiful scene at last the hour for retiring came and all had repaired to their rooms and I had just commenced to undress for the night when t’was rumered [sic] that a race was on [illegible word]. I rushed to the guards and soon found myself under all the excitement attending the race
between our boat and the Sarah Gordon she seemed a rapid runner but we were gaining fast upon her and we could discover every exertion on her part to outdo us. now [sic] the contest was who should gain the next point on the river first she kept straight upon the left hand side of the river extending to make a very short turn and strike short across ours kept her way immediately for the point and just as the Sarah was crossing her track the bows of our boat ran afoul of hers she was compelled to back out and leave us alone in our glory. after [sic] we were convinced that the contest was over we all retired again and I was again dreaming of home and absent friends.
6th This morning was one of the loveliest of the season and before my eyes were open the noisy gong was ringin [sic] through the cabins to awaken the drowsy sleepers as soon as I was dressed I opened my room door and there stood Mr. [Fulton] ready to conduct me to the breakfast table and after partaking a a [sic] hearty meal which sea sickness had given a good relish for I repaired with my friends to the guards to enjoy the sweet morning breeze and witness the beautiful scenery. We kept steadily on our way passing small towns and large plantations and again night brought repose.
August 7th The gong again commenced its melodious noise in our ears and again all were making ready for breakfast this day passed off as the preceding and still the mighty engines were at their task. About three o clock we stoped [sic] at Vicksburg and took in several passengers among whom were two young ladies one on the verge of the grave. being [sic] in the last stage of consumption another was the sister of a certain friend of mine in Texas she had two lovely little boys one the perfect image of my particular friend. I soon made the acquaintence [sic] of this last lady and had many things to tell her of her brother. but [sic] never gave her a hint of his being so particularly friendly to the humble writer of this. After Supper Mr. [Fulton] came and reminded me of a request I had made him of seeing Lucy’s former home and said that if I would go with him then I could then have that pleasure. I was soon upon the guard with him and he pointed out the spot though I could not distinguish the houses for the thick growth around them but the moon shone down lending a silver light to the scene and giving the appearance of the haunts of fairies and wood nymphs again sleep closed my eyelids and dreams came to my pillow.
August 8th Another bright and cloudless day very warm at noon and all cheerful aboard.
9th I now arose with the anticipation of this day arriving in Memphis, the day passed off and about dark the appearance of a heavy gale appearing the boat landed and remained several hours. After the storm passed we were again on our way and about two oclock [sic] landed at the wharf in Memphis nearly all the ladies had set up to see me off and in company with Mr. Scotts family I took leave of those who a few days had rendered very dear to me. I with Mrs. Scot and the children took a hack and was soon [whirled] up to the Commercial Hotel where I soon repaired to my room and commenced preparations for the night. After going to a throne of grace and pouring out my grateful thanks for preservation from the dangers of the watery element and soliciting protection from unseen dangers and dreaded pestilence on land I composed myself to rest and soon the cares of life were forgotten in the blest oblivion sleep. The favorite Gods were hovering around casting bright images of happiness for the future and weaving lovely chaplets of glowing flowers for coming bliss sometimes transporting me to my own loved home in Texas.
August 10th These pleasant dreams haunted my pillow until the morning sun arose and the clanging gong had dispersed all my lovely angels and [frighted] them back to their own celestial abodes I arose and arranged my toilet to meet my dear friend and relatives who had been separated from me for years. I formed several plans of seeing them, one was to send to my uncle to send his carriage for me. but [sic] at last wishing to take them by surprise I hired a hack and was soon on my way to his residence. When I arrived all were absent but my Aunt and her infant little [Ella] but shortly afterwards the carriage drove up to the gate and out came my Uncle and little cousins three lady like little girls but one of whom I had ever seen before. Dinner was soon announced and that meal dispatched we spent the afternoon in conversation on the events of the past eleven years. in [sic] the evening we wandered over garden and orchard and I enjoyed the luxury of eating most delicious fruits. Again [somnus] gave me rest.
August 11th I was allowed this morning to indulge the Gods and allow them a post at my pillow much later than usual as my rest had been but short the preceding night the day passed away calmly
August 12th I was aroused early from my slumbers and [illegible word] reminded that I was to arrange before breakfast my toilet to go to the city to make a shopping tour. After breakfast the carriage was in readyness [sic] to start and in company of my Uncle and Aunt I set out We passed many handsome residences and were after two miles drive stoped [sic] on main street to make our purchases. While in a store My Uncle introduced to me a young Gent who was a son of one of my old friends in Texas; he had many enquiries to make and left with the promise of calling soon to see me. while [sic] crossing the street I recognized Mr. Scott. We returned home and were ready for the good dinner that was waiting for us. after [sic] which I indulged my usual siesta and afterwards still engaged with my needle in the afternoon Mrs. Giltmer a beautiful lady called to see me I was much pleased with her.
August 14th Thursday All going on as usual after dinner I had just taken my siesta when a carriage drove up and from it steped [sic] Mr. Smith and his sister Mrs. Latham come to call on me. I made a hasty toilet and entered the parlor and was introduced to Mrs. Latham by her brother. They [sat] a
short time and then announced the intention of Mrs. Latham’s of going to Hernando to spend several weeks and that she would leave the morning afterwards and as I intended remaining so short a time I would not have the opportunity of returning her call unless I would accompany them home that evening for which I received a very pressing invitation which I accepted and had soon arranged my toilet for the visit shortly we were driving at a furious rate towards the city. at [sic] last we stoped [sic] before a beautiful residence and were ushered into a handsomely furnished parlor until supper was announced. After Tea we repaired to the parlor and Mr. Smith excused himself on the plea of going to a Cuban meeting with the promise of returning in an hour. A short time afterwards Mrs. Latham invited me to her room where there was every convenience for reclining lounging or sleeping after waiting until the time had passed for Mr. Smith to return we commenced preparations for retiring suddenly the fire bell rang forth in deep heavy tones and called many into the street to witness the conflagration but it was far distant any only the red glare could be seen.
August 15th Friday the morning we had anticipated taking a ride into the country with Mr. Smith but at breakfast he excused himself on account of business and we were attended by the children with a servant to drive the carriage, driving round to the front street we kept in sight of the Noble Mississippi until we had arrived at the northern Suberbs [sic] of the city then we struck out into the country and soon arrived a the rural retreat of Mrs. . and [sic] her daughter where we remained until after dinner regaling ourselves on fine fruits and mellons [sic], we then returned to the city and after I had indulged in my siesta Mrs. Latham took me to make a survey of her house. One parlor was furnished with handsome mahogany furniture. the [sic] other with magnificently carved rosewood chairs sofa and ottomans, the backs and bottoms of the chairs were covered with handsome rich crimson satin with wreaths of white roses in the middle. handsome [sic] carpets and curtains and a handsome Mirror extending from the ceiling to the floor with alabaster vases completed the scene in this room. All the Chambers were furnished handsomely. Mr. Smith soon came to know our commands for the evening, mine being to
return to my Uncle’s for which the carriage was soon ready and after taking leave of Mrs. Latham and the Children accompanied by Mr. Smith I was soon driving out of the city.
August 16th Saturday Mrs. Latham had passed before I arose on her way to Hernando I was told by my Aunt who was up earlyer [sic] than I was. I this day commenced the use of the needle again and shortly after breakfast a carriage drove up with Mrs. Nancy Caldwell, a cousin of mine who I had never seen before. Mr. Caldwell came to dinner and was a Gentleman with whom I was very much pleased. they [sic] left in the evening and again I was at rest.
August 17th S. Above a bright and beauteous Sabbath morning and my toilet was completed before breakfast to attend my cousins to Sabbath School. We were all stowed away in the carriage soon after breakfast driving to the church. After the school had closed the ordinance of baptism was solomnized [sic] upon fifteen children and then we heard a most excellent sermon delivered by the Rev. [Singleton] Henderson and after the discourse a couple who were candidates for Matrimony came forward to be [illegible words] himenial [sic] knot
After the services were concluded Mr. Caldwell came to have me dine with him that day I accepted the invitation and accompanied him though Cousin Nancy was detained on account of the illness of their babe. I remained with them until the 18th When my Uncle sent for me and I commenced my usual avocations.
22nd Friday I returned Mrs. Giltman’s call and there met a very pretty and very lively young lady Miss Giles. Miss [McCoy] called on me during my absence.
24th I attended church and heard Mr. Henderson preach. returned [sic] with a violent headache which ceased not until I had indulged half the evening in sleep.
25th I called on Mrs. Scott and found her family indisposed Mr. S having only left his room that morning after being confined to his room for more than a week returned home to dinner. In the afternoon returned Miss [McCoy’s] call and returned home much fatigued and after retiring the favorite Gods seemed in tantalizing humor I dreamed that my dearest favorite much loved cousin was already gone whence no traveller [sic] returns. O who can describe or imagine my joy when I awoke and found it all a dream.
August 26 In the morning making buisy [sic] preparations to leave in the stage that evening. in [sic] the afternoon attended by my uncle and Aunt I went to the hotel. soon [sic] they left me and at nine oclock [sic] the coach started with nine passengers on the inside. I felt truly that I was among strangers for not one of my own sex was there to cheer me in my gloom my brother was soon asleep and I was all alone. O Cousin Mine had you been there how [fleetly] would the moments have passed away. I soon lost a beautiful Boquet [sic] and commencing search I was assisted by a gentleman who soon entered into conversation and [illegible word] the night until three oclock [sic] when he left. at [sic] five oclock [sic] two others left and at Mt. Pleasant a lady and Gent was added to our number I soon found the lady to be very agreeable and learned that she was a relative of one of my most firm and dear friends. Mrs. Lawrence was her name We stoped [sic] at Holly Springs there to rest for the day. [Illegible words] and wrote a note to my Uncle and in the afternoon he arrived there and a buggy to carry me to his house whence I spent two days very pleasantly.
August 29 At nine oclock [sic] in the evening started for Oxford only two passengers besides my brother and myself arrived there at four oclock [sic] in the morning of the 30th Was received with every demonstration of affection by my relatives but there was one who was not there who I had rather have seen than all the world. but [sic] he was not there and I soon learned was then on a [languishing] bed of pain I what would I not have given to have been with him to administer to his wants and cool his burning throbbing temples.
31st Was the Sabbath but did not attend church
Sept 1st Did not leave my uncles!
2nd Visited Mr. [Midgett’s] family who were just leaving for Arkansas and who I had not seen for near twelve years.
Sept 6th Attended a camp meeting where the outpouring of divine mercy was felt by [illegible word] and the unworthy writer of this was one of the favored ones.
11th returned to my uncles and commenced preparation for going to another which I went to on the 14th and remained until the evening of the 15th which was Sabbath and returned.
17th Mrs. [Stanbach] and Miss [Lockart] called.
19th I visited Mrs [illegible name, she even has a question mark above the word] and returned Miss Pat’s call.
Sept 21st I was on my way to Spring Dale to see the dearest cousin to me on earth I arrived there about four oclock [sic] and disappointment again was my lot for he was absent but I endeavored to content myself until he should return. that [sic] evening I was found at the window. but [sic] he did not come, the night was one spent in tossing from side to side and with but little sleep.. [sic] Next morning 22 I arose and commenced my toilet but first went to the window and the first object that caught my attention was a gentleman riding a beautiful black horse in a beautiful canter. he [sic] sat upon the noble steed with graceful manly ease. and [sic] guided the reins with a steady manly hand I gazed upon him and as I gazed my heart told me that t’was no other than my noble highminded generous cousin. I was soon ready to leave my room and was met by his own noble self where manner was noble, whose attention were affectionate and whose general being stamped him one of Nature’s Masterpieces.
All this day I spent in the inestimable society of my more than noble cousin. In the afternoon we rode out in a buggy as far as Water-Valley and called a short time to see Mrs. Dr. [Wood] who seemed a very pleasant and quite an intelligent lady. during [sic] the ride I heard sentiments fall from the lips of my inestimable cousin worthy the imitation of the mighty ones of the earth.
Sept 23rd Monday
A lovely autumn day and pleasant as though an April breeze was playing just from off the distant prairies of the bright and beauteous Texas. The earth was still clothed in her mantle of living green. the [sic] forests still waved undimned [sic] by the withering leaves of autumn. All was cheerful and never never before had I experienced such true happiness without seeking in the dark vista of the future as during the briefly passing hours of this day in the afternoon I rode on horseback with my cousin. [illegible word] we were more lively than usual and the time passed away more rapidly than we could have wished.
Tuesday Sept 24th
Another bright and lovely morning, made all my arrangements for returning to Oxford After breakfast when all was ready my cousin Dr EM Walker took the guidance of the buggy horse and gave his own to the management of my cousin [Asgal] during that ride I was convinced that the fortunate one who won the heart of that Godlike being would win one whose very existence would be given if necessary to promote her happiness. At last the hour came for parting. O that that hour could have been prolonged to an eternity. but [sic] t’was not so and he was gone and with him the joy and gladness of my own before happy soul. Now a void deep, dark and drear sunk deep into my aching bosom. What could it be? O celestial Gods answer me this question that comes from the depths of my throbing [sic] heart. We parted with his promising to come the following week to visit me and accompany me back to his own little village. After he had disappeared in the gloomy distance I [relapsed] into moody silence only at times to feel the presence of another. [illegible word] in town at 11 o’clock A.M.
Sept 28th Saturday
Walked to town in the afternoon and made the tour of the mighty city Oxford and during my walk met the renowned Perseus [sic]. but [sic] received no letters from my own, as I expected
Sept 29th Sunday
Attended church at eleven oclock [sic] and heard the Rev. Mr. [Dennis] preach was invited to take dinner with Mrs. Wilkins which invitation I accepted and at candle lighting again attended church to hear the same Minister.
October 5th Saturday
Nothing of interest having transpired since the close date I trouble not to make note of the time. Today I again walk to town and make Mrs. [Wiatt] a short call received a letter from [Thomas] Chambers. returned [sic] home very much fatigued There was church at La co but I did not attend. retired [sic] early and had many pleasant dreams.
Oct 6th Sunday
Church at La co but I did not attend until in the afternoon I made my appearence [sic] at the prayer meeting held by Mr. Stainbach.
October 10th Thursday
I came in town yesterday to try and drive dull care away caused by the absence of my cousin [illegible word] Who was prevented visiting me on last Friday by the increase of his practice but disappointments are becoming so common to me that I almost begin to believe them the only certainties of life but, glorious thrice glorious news, I hear that he will be here tomorrow.
“Roll on swift moments roll on,” till I shall welcome him again. I today attended a sewing to assist a lady who was making preparations to go to Texas. Returned to Mrs. Morrow’s and talked with Lucy Hudson till a late hour and slept to dream.
Friday Oct 11th
This morning called into Mrs. Strickland’s and upon permission consented to remain for dinner after which I took my leave to visit Mrs. Pat who was sick. From there I went to see Lucy who returned part of the way with me to Mr. Morrow’s just before I reached there what should I see but the object of my thoughts at that very moment. and [sic] the object dearer to me than any other in all that town. after [sic] exchanging welcome, he attended me
to Mrs. M’s where we took supper and then he departed for the Lodge after which he was to return and take me out to my Uncle’s for the purpose of my making arrangements to accompany him on his return home, but disappointments ever ready, when I arrived at my uncle’s I found my brother with a raging fever. which [sic] was to prevent my visit. The hours I spent in my cousin’s society that night passed [illegible word] by and at one oclock [sic] both retired but many times I awoke during the hours before day to note the progress of the fever in my brother.
Saturday Oct 12th
This morning my Brother’s fever has abated and he seems much better. I have to see my cousin depart without going with him, but with no providential interferance [sic] next Saturday will find me on my way to see, him.
My brother was much better until the afternoon when his fever rose through not so high as the night preceeding [sic].
Monday 14th My Brother had slight fever but I broke it with [lots] of [nitre].
Thursday October 16th
My brother is entirely restored and I have spent today in Oxford, though did not attend the Barbacue [sic] as I did not expect my noble and gallant cousin to be there and I knew there would be no pleasure for me there in his absence. I received a letter chiding me gently for my neglect of keeping my promise of writing to him during the week. and [sic] that he will expect me to be at Spring Dale in the Saturday’s Stage.
Saturday October 18th
Happiness again has her throne in my bosom again I can see at all hours the form of my God like cousin, again the full, deep tones of his voice fell melodiously upon my enraptured hearing again the fire of those eyes can pierce almost into the depth of my hidden soul. Now no joys are in the prospective all we in the present moments of deep, heartfelt, making, thrilling, bliss. Can it be possible that my happiness in this life is dependent on the presence of this being? Can it be that there is never to be any thing but an aching void in his absence? He is this evening using every exertion to revive a man who in a fit of intoxication was throw from his horse and severely injured on the head.
Sunday October 19th
I attended church today accompanied by my Adonis of a cousin heard the Rev. Mr. Mullen preach. After returning and partaking our dinners I was cheered by the presence of my cousin a short time, when he withdrew to his office. then [sic] to take a short siesta but just as the God was always making his appearance at my pillow he returned and brought me something to read the moments fled rapidly while he was there but as soon as he was gone the wheels of time were clogged with, heavy, slow and lazy weights. What’s the magic spell that is in the atmosphere when he is near. After Supper at Family Prayers we knelt at the same altar and O may the Lord in his infinite mercy grant that his soul may be regenerated that we may kneel at the altar with pure white souls invoking thy wonderous [sic] kindness still to be [illegible word] towards us. Not long had we that evening to hold sweet converse together but one glorious inestimable privilege we did enjoy and that was to clasp each others hands when parting for the night.
Monday October 20th
This was another bright and beauteous autumn day the leaves of the forests are just beginning to lose their spotless green and are just putting on the robe of golden and red. The morning was spent in Cousin [Min’s] office until near dinner reading chatting and playing Backgammon and draughts. I then withdrew to write a letter which I did not finish until in the afternoon. About four oclock [sic] accompanied by Maj. Lowrhe and my cousin I took a row upon the pond which recaled [sic] many passages to my mind of Scott’s “Lady of the Lake.” We then gathered a few peaches and took a view of the water running over the wheels at the Gin and returned. At about ten oclock [sic] I laid my head upon the pillow to dream of blissful hours never to be realized.
Tuesday Oct 21st
I awoke and heard the rain pattering at a merry rate upon the housetop. I was soon up and arranging my toilet while so occupied by my feelings of joy arose in my heart but alas there must be crashed. After breakfast my cousin sat with me and confidence, mutual, and [illegible word] was exchanged between us what delight to have one true heart to sympathise [sic] another
woes. But [illegible word] take care that the sympathy may not be stated too deeply. I accompanied him to his office where I read many of his most excellent compositions. In the afternoon we rode out together, the happiest ride of my life. strange [sic] strange strange were the disclosures of that ride and not more strange were the words that fell from his lips than the whisperings of my own bursting, breaking, heart. “Great God can it be that Fate is weaving a web to cause our destruction? no [sic] no, no it cannot be Thy hand is in all, Thy Eye seest all and thou in thy wisdom knoweth all things and will deal with thy children as thou dost think fit. When returning we called at a Mr. Addington’s to get some peaches while there, there fell quite a shower of rain. which [sic] ceasing long enough we embraced the opportunity of starting but were caught in a slight shower before we arrived at home. After tea we sat together some time while he read to me. could [sic] he never tire reading I know that I should always wish to hear that finely modulated voice breathing the deep cadences of words that flow from his lips more fluently than they could from the Authors themselves. To win one smile from those lips I would dare
Ararat’s tremendous peak. To soothe one pang that could pierce that bosom dungeons would be traversed with only the light of that deep chilling eye to blaze upon my pathway. To gain one approving look [illegible word] depths should be braved with only the torch kindled in my own breast to guide my trembling footsteps! But O this madness to rave so, happiness for the present is all that we can claim as our own. But Heavenly Father hear the prayer of one of thy most unworthy servants and grant that the intention of my being may be fulfilled in thy own time and at thy pleasure but grant that the cup of misery may not be the one that will preponderate but let thy servant know some of the pleasure of this life in having kind, loving, true, generous hearts to call her friends.
Wednesday Oct 22
Again another day has dawned and after hours of entrancing happiness in the bright and glowing land of dreams again my eyes are opened to the sad realities of mundane existence. In my dream land I wandered with —- hand in hand along the verdent [sic] sparkling den begemed [sic] banks of murmuring brooks. We rested
under the same shade and happiness was our handmaid. Cease. Cease. thy fond dreams poor flutterer and only look for happiness in the bright realms above where all kindred ties are disclosed but those of love. there [sic] to bask forever under the genial soul thrilling sunshine of the affections of the adored of thy dreamy moments There are only there can happiness be truly experienced unalloyed, and with no fears of disturbance.
Mad dreamer! hold thy vain thoughts and bury deep in thy bosom images which will never be realized! O fate thy finer has been laid heavily upon two of thy subjects. This should not even be written upon the pages of this book but that when these fingers are cold in the stiff embraces of the grim monster some may see that a gayety of heart and feelings could only hide the workings of the soul within: but never quench them. During my dreams I saw a dear friend thrown from her horse and almost in the agonies of death in wild excitement I ran in every direction for assistance but thanks to my fates t’was all a dream and I trust she is now at her own home in the enjoyments of the happiness of being beloved by all. Again my enjoyment has been disappointed after breakfast going to my cousins office I anticipated a morning
of pure delight while reading to him as his radiant eye beamed joyous gladness but fond delusive dreams. make [sic] what you can of the present moment for you can promise yourself nothing more. I had just finished reading one amazing piece to him, who is the best of all listeners, and had selected another for reading when in came a visitor and seated himself at our own fire thus interrupted our reading. and [sic] again another came. I sat sometime waiting their departure but horrible, in came another and I in dispair [sic] decamped to the house and to take my lonely place at the fireside and read something that was divested all of interest in his absence but with him the dullest essay is fraught with glowing, thrilling, interest as it falls from his lips. And too shortly these never ending political speech are to commence and there I shall see him no more today. its [sic] hours no doubt will pass in gloom but heart school thyself to it for many minutes hours days weeks months even years may pass with the same pall [several illegible words] horrid thought to pass weeks, months, years from the care dispelling, joy bestowing, genial, incorruptible influence, of of of (I believe I’m mad) Royalty itself.
What is happiness? Tis the union of two souls in the holy, [soul] giving, heart string, noble affection that marks the affections of hearts truly congenial in sentiments, feelings, intents, and aspurations [sic] Tis a feeling pervading the soul of either that [two illegible words] [feel] it bliss to climb to the summit of bald awful [illegible word] to win one smile from lips most dear. That would rejoice in estatic [sic] delight to healing near the object of our love through sickness, sorrow, health, prosperity, ease, adversity, or distress and would ever have that charmed feeling which is incomprehensible undefineable [sic] unfathomed and almost unknown. To feel that joy in each others society that if we
“Were wafted off to seas unknown
Where not a pulse should beat but ours
And we might live, live, die alone.
Far from the cruel and the cold–
Where the bright eyes of angels only
Should come around to behold.
A paradise so pure and lovely.”
That this would be world enough [us] and joys too holy to be desecrated by the glare of the pomp and peagentry [sic] of the glittering haunts of man.
This evening have been blessed with his presence and favored a few short moments “when soft stars were peeping” through their azure curtain to hold a dreamy teteatete [sic] with him alone. after [sic] which I retired and was soon diving deep into the mysteries of dreamland.
Thursday October 23
Inscrutable are thy ways O Providence! Many are the means used in thy hands to bring into being results never thought of by thy children. This morning I rode on horseback with my cousin. Only those who have been similarly situated could imagine the exquisite pleasure I experienced during that ride, and only those who have heard the exalted sentiments flowing as they ever do from his ever fluent tonge [sic], or see into the depths of those ever sparkling orbs as they dive deep into the soul, or hear the tones of that voice whose every modulation and cadence sends a thrill of pleasure to the heart, can portray even to the minds eye the entrancing enchaining thrall that eminates [sic] from his presence. After our return I engaged myself reading until dinner after which I accompanied him to his office where we spent the time reading alternately feasting on a banquet of sweets as they poured from the never failing source. books. O what happiness to be crowded
into a few short hours. afterwards [sic] we repaired to the Lake and enjoyed a pleasant row and were delighted to behold a most beautiful scene though inserted in the water it was the reflection of a small house upon the hill and trees surrounding it my cos enjoyed it with me, and both were so delighted that we sent for Maj. [Laroshe] to observe the same but when it was shown him only remarked that it was very pretty without another comment or glance to mark the lovely sight. how [sic] can a being appreciate the beauties of nature so little? How can the truly beautiful be so lost on the observer? O give me the soul that can read volumes in a leaf observe a universe in one sparkling dew drop or that can dive deep into the arcana of the mind at a single glance from a loved ones eye. After tea Cousin [Mine] remained with me a short time. I accompanied him to the gate, and while the shining sparkling beauteous stars were at their posts ever ready for their vigils words more dear to me than priceless jewels fell upon my entranced senses. but [sic] the tumult of my bosom could not cease that I could give utterance to a single word. O who can fathom the workings of a heart. Heaven knows that I have called reason to my aid
endeavored to school myself to the belief that t’was common sentiment to prevent this my [final] conclusion. But I would have as well with [straws], tried to impede the rushing of a mighty torrent. or [sic] with my own puny arms endeavored to quell the raging, heaving, surging billows of a mighty ocean or to stop with a glance the glittering flash of the terrible forked lightening or with a word still the awful, thundering, pealing, jarring confusion of the gushing whirlwind in its dreadful course, as to have governed the rushing tide within my own soul. but [sic] truly ’tis painfully pleasing to know that we are loved and for ourselves alone. Are we doing right to indulge these sentiments? Thou O Lord knowest. for [sic] what was the germ implanted in those bosoms if thou didst not intend it to burst forth and “bud and blossom as the Rose.” My tongue for once has been chained to my mouth and scarcely uttered goodbye passed my lips but the flutterings [sic] of this heart [speaks] more than volumes could tell.
Friday Oct. 24th
I arose and saw the Glorious orb of day shining upon the broad expanse of nature and reflecting ten thousand jewels upon the leaves of the forests and
grassy plains now covered with a beauteous frost. At breakfast met my cousin who remained with me sometime afterwards reading, we the[n] adjourned to his office where we continued our reading until dinner, after which I commenced preparations for a visit to Mrs. Dr. Wood. At about four oclock [sic] we started and pleasantly, delightfully did the moments fly during the ride we soon arrived at Water Valley. but [sic] when we stoped [sic] at the Dr’s the Lady was not at home but soon came from a visit she had been making to a lady in the last of consumption. My cousin soon rode off to the store and shortly afterwards the Dr arrived who I found to be a very pleasant agreeable gentleman. When my cousin returned the evening passed off very agreeably and at a very early hour we retired.
Saturday Oct 25th
The sound that fell upon my waking [senses] was the tones of melody as they fell from the tongue of my cousin as he related to a friend in the room with him a dream of my own sunny Texas he knew not that the ear of one whose sole thought was of him then drank in those tones as falling from a fined toned instrument which could with every vibration send a more than [illegible word] to the enraptured listener
I arose from my couch and completed my toilet and read some before appearing in the sitting room but, when I did, was received cordially and soon all were in an animated conversation on the all absorbing theme Texas Soon breakfast was announced after which we spent a short time in conversation and again were on horseback. Again the moments were pursuing each other at a rapid rate. We stoped [sic] a few moments at a Mr. [Adinton’s] and again were on our way engaged in sweet converse which was concluded by an a—-l p——–n. and q——-e. and [sic] arrival at home. when [sic] alone in my room I questioned my own heart as to the step that I had taken but the tumult in my bosom was too great to allow of sober reflection and soon I was summoned to my cousins office where we completed the mornings occupations with a game of Backgammon draughts. After dinner was over he had to visit a patient ten miles away I looked after him mounted upon his splendid horse until he was lost to my sight in the distance and turned sadly away not [expecting] his return until the sombre [sic] mantle of night had been thrown over all the universe. while [sic] sad reflections were creeping over me my cousin [Irvin] came and after a few moments conversation I repaired to my room where the decision of the morning was again
revolving in my mind and after not only serious put prayerful consideration I experienced the happy consciousness of having done right and felt that all “would be well.” after [sic] several hours thus engaged I accompanied [Irvin] to the Lake where we had a very pleasant row. after [sic] our return Irvin was in the office and I was arranging my trunk to leave the following morning and I had been sent for to go to Tunica county. happening [sic] to step on the gallery I was surprised very agreeably surprised to see the form of my gallant cousin ride up but it pained me to see the cloud that passed over his countenance when informed that I was to leave in the morning. though [sic] t’was a pleasure too to know that there was one who felt a pang of regret of the loss of my company, and though many a [illegible words] well up from the deep fountains of my heart I would smother the tell tale things and assert myself to make this last evening one of pleasure to him, and after tea I experienced the [illegible word] pleasure of knowing that he had declined an invitation to a connibal [sic] party to remain with me I would it ever be thus that my society would possess the charm to woo him from company abroad. What an unmutterable [sic] joy would such a though convey to my devoted heart.
After remaining until ten oclock [sic] we separated though in sadness at the prospect of my departure in the morning. O why cant fond friends be forever together.
Sunday Oct 26th
This morning I arose early and by daylight had completed my toilet and finished my packing, and was ready for the stage. as [sic] there was no fire in the sitting room and I was very cold I repaired to my cousins fire and there heard in the deep indulations [sic] of his firm voice usual pieces read from Moore’s works until the sound of the Stage horn fell upon our hearing then all was hurry until I had swallowed a few mouthfuls of breakfast and was in the coach ready to bear me away from scenes rendered dear by associations of a few fleeting days. Then a warm pressure of the hand and a tender Goodbye and the coach had rolled away from the spot where I had last beheld the —— of my soul. the [sic] time passed heavily away and thought often wandered back to that quiet little valley. In the stage was a very intelligent young lady with whom I held conversation relative to Texas. After a few hours we arrived in Oxford where I received a letter from home and one from Mr. R. Long not many minutes after-
wards I was at my Uncle’s still feeling my loneliness I was engaged most of the day writing ’til late in the afternoon I took a long walk. feeling [sic] that to be alone communing with the spirit of a loved one was more pleasure than the company of the glittering throng of the fashionable world could confer. After Supper I commenced writing to that object and had not gone far when Irvin returned bringing me a letter form that dear hand. O the entrancing feeling of being loved so well. after [sic] writing until a late hour I retired to dream of happiness which may only consist in dreams and never to be realized. But I trust in Providence.
Monday Oct 27th
Arose early and after breakfast finished my writing and arranged my toilet to go town, where I made a few purchases and went to Mrs. [Morson’s] where I remained all the afternoon. Lucy came to assist me with a piece of work that I was compelled to have before leaving for Tunica late in the evening returned to my uncle’s and made my preparations for leaving and at a late hour retired to snatch a few flowers from the wreath that encircles old Somnus brow and to dream of the past, present, and future.
Tuesday October 28th
This morning was clear with a cool breeze blowing but I commenced my journey to the Swamp as ’tis called. but [sic] a trip from which I anticipated little pleasure as far as the ride was considered for I was on a horse whose best qualities consisted in walking slowly and troting [sic] roughly. O my own cousin had you but have seen me during that ride you would almost have cried for sympathy. I was so [gloriously] jolted and handsomely jumped that I could scarcely note any of the surrounding scenery. About an hour before sundown we passed through Panola and stoped [sic] about three miles from town at Mr. Armstrong’s. a [sic] long and weary ride had I had that day but during it all I was cheered with the thoughts of a distant object which when I should see again all would be forgotten. After stopping Mrs. A seeing how much I was suffering from fatigue prepared a lounge for me where I reclined until time to arrange my person for Tea. which [sic] was prepared in a short time and seemed to refresh my weary frame. After tea in the parlor I found Amelia’s poems and was much interested until Mrs. A and a young lady visitor came in and kept me engaged in conversation
about an hour when arrangements were made for retiring. I was soon ready to lay my weary body down to rest and after consigning myself into the hands of my heavenly father I was soon enveloped in the arms of the sleeping God dreaming of home and absent friends. but [sic] my dear Cousin how surprised would you be to know that this heart had proven false even in a dream and listened with pleasure to honied [sic] words as they fell from the lips of another but ’tis too true and not only listened but promised to take under consideration a very important question but the guilty heart soon experienced the pangs attendant upon inconstancy and bitterly repented of its base offense but what a joyful revolution when my eyes were opened to feel that t’was all a dream, and I had only to send it back to its own country, dreamland. All night the rain came down in torrents and I had fearful forebodings for the ride the next day. Wednesday Oct 29th
I arose and found a gloomy cloudy day had opened and prospect of heavy showers of rain about breakfast time the wind [illegible word] and the clouds began to scatter. after [sic] breakfast we were again mounted and on our way and providence seemed to favor us
and the sun came forth in all his gorgeousness and gilded the still dripping forests and cast a rich halo around the scenery. I began to get inured to my rough riding and felt that I had the day before been very selfish in my disposition and had not exerted myself for the enjoyment of the others of the party but communed in thought with a loved one, absent too selfish [illegible word] to feel happy then. Now though others thoughts and my own [illegible word] would have rendered me just as happy yet I endeavored to amuse the party and amid shouts of laughter and screams of glee I almost forgot that I was on a splendid trotter we crossed the [illegible symbol] in a ferry and came on several miles where we all dismounted and partook of a delicious lunch which raised our spirits still higher and had persons been near who feared Indians in those swamps they would have imagined that they were then thronged with those indeed holding some mighty revel. While there I had my saddle changed on another horse and we were soon on our way again. tramping [sic], and splashing through mud and water and I still having a horse [forever for] trotting We crossed at another ferry and still kept the swamp at last about half an hour after sundown we arrived
at my aunt’s and there I was joyfully received by her and my Uncle and all the family. supper [sic] was soon ready of which I with all the party partook rather largely as riding had given us quite an appetite. about [sic] ten oclock [sic] we retired to rest to dream of canes, brush and mud, and water my weary body was soon unconscious of this wild [cares] and fatigue and my mind wandering to loved objects at a distance.
Thursday Oct 30th
I arose early and was soon dressed and after doing justice to my breakfast wandered forth to observe the situation the garden was well set with shrubbery and roses in full bloom soon presented themselves to my delighted sight. and [sic] after all that I have heard derogatory to the Swamp as ’tis called I must acknowledge that I was agreeably disappointed and if one person were here nothing would be wanting to my enjoyment while here. but [sic] O how often will the vain wish arise before that one will again be seen by me. but [sic] Providence will all things right and in him I trust. The day passed very agreeably and after reading certain —— several times I commenced a walk with my Aunt and soon returned and ended the evening relating adventures in Texas.
Friday October 31st
After passing the night in pleasant dreams of future bliss I arose and after breakfast commenced some little pieces of needlework and enjoyed a most excellent watermelon and some fine peaches. Spent the day very pleasantly and made ourselves merry in the evening and retire at a late hour once more to dream.
Saturday November 1st
Last night spent the time in dreams at times pleasant and then again proving traitors to the dreams of my waking hours but the faithful one would at last predominate and the l–d one of my life was not forgotten. This morning slept until I was awake by a servant and was soon ready for breakfast after which I was engaged with my needle until the boys were ready to go to cut a bee tree after going through the field we took the canebrake and bushels for half a mile when we arrived at the tree which was one of the largest of red oaks after two persons had cut a great while the mighty monarch of the forest began to waver to and fro and at last it slowly tended downwards every movement accelerating in motion
until in the mighty rush it bore down other large trees causing a crash resembling the rush of a tornado and shook the ground for many years around as soon as the tree had fallen we all rushed to the spot but our fond anticipations were blasted for there was not a pound of honey in the tree. We all returned to the house in time for dinner and with keen appetites did ample justice to the dishes set before us. After dinner we were treated to some of the best of peaches I found some employment until late when I took my accustomed walk and again read a precious letter that accompanies me in all my rambles. About sundown quite a shower of rain fell which continued nearly all night. I was cheered during my nightly slumbers by sweet visions of one far distant. but [sic] returning dawn dissipated the blest night until the following night.
Sunday November 2nd
The sun had arisen in all his splendor and sparkling rain drops were hanging like gems from the autumnal leaves in the yellowed forests before I had [dropped] the drowsy mantle that had enveloped my drowsy slumbering senses I had
slept most of the night and had never once seen the ever welcome visitant of my slumbers upon upon [sic] waking just at day I tried to call up some vision of that l— face but none were pictured on my memory. I was angry with the faithless dream. [Illegible word] and again closed my eyes and once more a sweet slumber stole over my eyelids and and [sic] I was wandering by the side of the one most wished for My pleasant dreams continued until a servant came to summon me to breakfast. I had soon completed my toilet and after breakfast I wandered forth though finding the ground somewhat muddy once more held communion with my companion a letter. The remainder of the day was spent reading and amusing the children with narratives of Texas life. Monday November 3rd
After another night of pleasant rambles on the borders of sparkling, rippling, streams in company with one ever welcome. All excitement relative to the elections.
Tuesday 4th Nov
The election is all the excitement to day and at the fifth precinct of Tunica county, only one Democratic vote. Nothing of interest until a coon hunt just after supper but without success.
Wednesday November 5th
Arose a clear bright and frosty morning. Uncle Chambers left for Austin with election returns. After 9 oclock [sic] Jane and Margaret go visiting to Messers Griffin and stay until in the afternoon.
Thursday Nov 6th
Clear cold and frosty. After breakfast I with my Aunt went visiting in the neighborhood and returned late in the afternoon. I took my accustomed walk, thinking of an absent one. After night suffered exceedingly with cold and was fearful of being confined to my bed but taking my usual bath in cold water and a draught of the same medicine after going to bed. I composed myself to sleep to dream of the kind attentions of a most valued one. during [sic] a precarious sickness but
Friday Nov. 7th
I arose much better than the preceeding [sic] night and was much engaged during the day in some articles of needlework for my Aunt but found time to take my ramble in the woods communing with memories of the past. I wondered then, where was the one around whose memory my day dreams were
woven. and [sic] was that one now thinking of this lonely one? What a glorious thrilling feeling to think that at the same moment that soul was lingering near and holding sweet intercourse with mine. The same dear letter was read and reread to banish sadness
Saturday November 8th
Another fine day but at times the clouds of ennui lower around me when I would let my mind wander back to the last time that I had seen and reveled in all the joyousness of heart in the presence and society of one who perhaps even now needing the kind attentions of a loved hand. O why will such gloomy thoughts intrude to disturb the serenity of my soul but often today they have crept in unawares and almost froze my heart to think of that one, being in distress and I far distant. but [sic] hope the bright beacon still cheers me on and caused me to look forward with joyous anticipations to the future and prayer the anchor for the soul, gives strength to hear the present trails and and [sic] caused a firm reliance upon the arm of an [illegible word] and ever watchful protector of both. And with what joy I look forward to the time when we shall meet again.
Sunday Nov 9th
A gloomy rainy day and I almost fear that more gloomy clouds will arise to darken the brightness of my spirits, and if the star of my soul was not ever present I know that darkness would enfold me in its ample folds, but when the tear of loneliness is about to start bright Hope again begins to smile and glittering pearls of joyous anticipations begin to sparkle in the unfathomable depths of my [throbbing] heart. Again I look forward to joy and happiness but O why whisper to the heart of joy? why speak in thrilling accents to the soul of happiness. Joy–it appears to disappear, and often leaves no trace behind. and [sic] but the name is left to remind us of what it was. Happiness–it is the theme of mighty poets and has been for ages past, but of all who [seek] the precious gem who have found its glittering beauties? True when basking in light of the affections of a loved object the happiness of the soul cannot be expressed but when doubt arise as to the future. the [sic] lustrous [illegible word] is slightly veiled. and [sic] pain is mingled with the happy dream. But oh the heart the fearful mystery of the heart [veiled] in clouded obscurity. and [sic] concealed from the
scrutinizing glance of every [mortal] eye! Tis like the will of some mighty, deep, and winding river gliding through the depths of some deep dark and lonely caverns gloom noiseless and still as the [two illegible words] of the charnel house, it glides on with with [sic] scarce a ripple to ruffle the surface of its bosom and when the light of Love breaks in bright gems are seen strewn along the enchanting shores, and we are wafted along on these gem lifted waves in their magical glow. and [sic] what floods of glorious thought and feeling are let loose upon our entranced imaginations! And what an [illegible word] of thought of beauties rise up before us as the swelling [waves] of sympathy and lose in quick succession [illegible word] upon our enraptured vision. Tis thus we move under the shadowy rising of the mighty day dream of our existence, with souls filled with blissful feelings for the future. There’s only can call these feelings to my heart and oft the thoughts arise
And This is the spell that binds my soul
As with a silver chord, to thee;
That brims with joy life’s golden bowl
And [wake] each pulse to ecstacy [sic].
O If the Lord in his mercy would be pleased to convert one my happiness would be complete.
Monday November 10th
Still a cloudy gloomy day not a single ray of sunshine to cheer the sad face of nature. I arose earlier than usual after a night spent in entrancing delicious dreams of enjoyment in the society of one who of all others can beguile me into the belief that there is happiness on earth. and [sic] in whose society hours, days, weeks, pass with lightening speed. all [sic] the past is erased from memory’s pages, and the future was only looked into as to increase the present amount of happiness but oh who knows what the future may bring forth. Hope and fear alternates in my breast but I trust in the disposing power of my heavenly Father and pray that all may be yet in accordance with our wishes, but if not, too truly the cup of happiness will be dashed from my lips, and my heart left a barren waste and all the enjoyment left me will be in the performance of my religious duties and preparation to meet the object of my affections in another state of existence, but heaven forbid that we should have to traverse different paths in this sphere. But can it be possible that I possess the devoted love of one on whom my
dearest hopes are centered? Can it be that two so dependent on each other for happiness are to be rendered miserable by the decision of others? Or will a higher power intercede in our behalf and the same hand that planted the germ of sacred joys in our bosoms implant a feeling of sympathy in that of others that may restrain them in their opposition. To that forever I trust. O how often to-day have thoughts of one far away arisen and the wish to be again in the society of one whose soul, sentiments, feeling, thoughts, and desires are congenial to my own I had once decided on starting back to Oxford, next Monday but my Aunt is not willing for me to start until Wednesday. and [sic] on Thursday with no providential interfearance [sic] I shall again be at my Uncle’s, on Saturday at 1 oclock [sic] a letter will reach Spring Dale and at 4 oclock [sic] I shall be anxiously looking for an object most dear to me. and [sic] every moment of time that intervenes will be scrupulosly [sic] counted.
Tuesday 11th November
Sad thoughts will sometimes arise and from some impressions I fear something has befallen the dear ones of my affections. But I trust they may be false.
November 12th Wednesday
Arose with singular feelings and impressions occasioned by a dream though t’was by no means an unpleasant one. but [sic] a feeling of sadness seemed to take possession of me and strange presentiments of coming evil flitted before my imagination. yet [sic] they all seemed to tend towards the loved ones at home and one other and it was only with great efforts that I could rally my spirits atall. After breakfast Thomas Chambers concluded that he would take a hunt as it was raining and was a favorable time accordingly he took Jane’s horse and with his little brother William started They did not return to dinner but about two oclock [sic] as I was sitting in my room I heard Thomas remark just as he was entering the house that his horse had kicked him no sooner had these words sounded in my ears than I experienced electric feeling of fear as to the result. I rushed into the room where he was and questioned him as to where he was injured and as soon as [illegible word]
that the injury was on the left side I had a fearful foreboding of the result. from [sic] the excitement and fearful of creating fear in the bosom of his fond mother unnessarly [sic] he in a great measure concealed his intense suffering, no doubt imagining that at last the pain would wear off a bed was soon prepared for him and some simple remidies [sic] applied externally, but in a few hours our worst fears were aroused by a discharge of blood from the bladder. and [sic] immediately some of the neighbors were summoned to send for a physician. The whole family were completely paralized [sic] and acting as though they expecting him to breathe his last with every breath and although my soul was wrung with anguish I was the only one that was composed sufficiently to offer consolation to the suffering one who through all the scene which was passing seemed composed and in a tranquil frame of mind having his trust placed in a higher power the the [sic] feeble ones of this earth. When Mr. Griffin arrived he gave us some hope by informing us of having seen persons in similar conditions recover. at [sic] 8 oclock [sic] he was bleed [sic] and seemed to be
something easier until about 12 oclock [sic] when as reaction was taking place he suffered most excruciating pain, and almost stoped [sic] the blood in my heart to hear his piteous moans. I sat up all the night until four oclock [sic] when I retired and slept until ten of the morning.
Of November 13th
When I arose breakfast had been over several hours and after dressing and drinking a cup of coffee I repaired to the room of my suffering cousin who I found much better. The Doctor arrived at 12 oclock [sic] and gave flattering anticipations regarding his condition. he [sic] continued about the same all the evening, and I have again sat up all night and it is now 4 oclock [sic] November 14th. Friday.
Thomas is now sleeping sweetly and I trust t’will prove a balmy refreshing sleep to his suffering frame. He is so gentle and patient enduring his sufferings with such christian fortitude that it is a pleasure ever to attend his least wish, but oh there is one I wish to see and be near for I fear while I am absent something serious will happen him and the one [illegible word] who of all others could feel as no other can feel for him.
10 oclock [sic] P.M. Thomas is much improved and I have a hope that I shall be able to leave next Wednesday and I have more than fond anticipation of seeing one tomorrow week who is near and very dear to me. O why is it that two fond congenial souls are doomed to ever separate. This has been a gloomy, rainy day until late in the afternoon. I wrote a letter to my cousin this morning at 4 o’clock O that I was as near him on my return as that little scrawl is tonight. but [sic] when I get to Oxford I shall expect that as soon as the coach can convey the letter communicating my arrival there and Billy can be saddled and canter to town I shall have the exquisite pleasure of seeing the object of my hourly thoughts and nightly dreams.
They say that absence conquers Love
But ah believe it not
I’ve tried to oft the power to prove
And thou art not forgot.
I must now prepare for bed as I have slept but three hours within the last thirty eight. May good angels attend my pillow, as also that of another. This
day one year ago a happy party were assembled to witness the bridal of Col. Irvin and Mis Ellen Ker. it [sic] was a cool wet evening but the sound of music and merry voices drowned the noise of the pattering rain without, and little did I imagine that evening that I should ere another year, be so far from my home and dear friends there. or [sic] that my own heart should be enchained by a mystic spell. But we know not what a year may bring forth.
Sunday November 15th
This has been a clear and cloudless day. and [sic] Thomas is much improved and I think will soon be able to leave his bed. I now think of leaving on W.
Monday November 16th
Today has been cloudy and we have had every appearance of rain but I still entertain a hope of starting to Oxford on Wednesday, for I am now getting anxious to see my brother and one other. O how arbitrary is that all absorbing passion–L—. that [sic] makes us ever absent to all else save the dear object. and [sic] with that one ever wander, in our waking and dreaming moments.
Tuesday November 17th
Today Thomas has been much better and is recovering so rapidly that he can go to the dining room. I have been to another bee tree cutting and saw one of the largest monarchs of the forest fall that grows It could almost be called sublime to see so mighty a tree fall bearing with it many others, causing destruction in its course. When I returned I found at my Aunt’s one of her particular friends, Mrs. Patterson and several strangers.
Wednesday November 18th
We have had a bright clear day and there has been a house full of company all day. There has been a death in the neighborhood a child has gone to its long home but no doubt tis better off than to be raised by the family it belonged to. In the afternoon two gentlemen arrived one in a buggy and the other on horseback, at supper the one who is a doctor finding that I was from Texas commenced a conversation and sometimes I imagined he thought he would ask me some questions to difficult to answer, or words beyond my comprehension. I soon found that he was a puff and siezed [sic] every opportunity of giving a sharp retort. I this evening went hunting with Thomas.
Today has been cloudy and very windy and has every appearance of bad weather but I trust that Providence may favor us and that I may not be disappointed again in stating the day appointed being Saturday. I have been visiting [Mr.?] Griffin’s. While at supper Dr. Brown came. I find him a very agreeable and intelligent gentleman without the self importance of the one of the preceeding [sic] night. I find a few stars are peeping forth which I hope is a favorable sign.
Friday November 20th
Today is clear and cloudless and tomorrow I trust will be the same. for [sic] again I am getting impatient to see the loved one of my heart and hear the glad tones as they fall from lips that are ever dropping words cheering and full of life and love O that he may be in Oxford when I arrive there.
Saturday Nov. 21st
Cold frosty morning but I started for Oxford a few hours after starting it commenced raining just as dusk we arrived at Mr. Armstrong’s where we were received very cordially by the lady and treated very kindly during our stay. The rain came
down in torrents during the night and I was fearful that the following day would be unfavorable for our ride.
Sabbath November 22nd
Unexpectedly a clear and cloudless morning dawned and we resumed our ride I riding a famous trotter that threatened by destruction at every step. but [sic] with all that I suffered I was cheered with the fond anticipation of seeing the image constantly mirrored on my soul but what was my disappointment when I arrived and found that he had been gone but a few hours though he ever thoughtful of my happiness had not forgotten to write to me and I was cheered with two fond letters from his own pen, which I read and reread until I knew almost every letter in them. but [sic] that which gave me [every] joy than all else was that he acknowledged through my intrumentality [sic] he had learned to leave off practices that I dread more than all else for one dear to me, but thank heaven I have exerted so solutary [sic] an influence over one who of all others I find happiness in the society of and I trust that my heavenly Father may give me faith to look forward to the
time to see him a regenerated being and that [aspirations] may be for something high, noble, and useful. After supper I had began [sic] to experience all the pain of excessive fatigue when to fill up my cup of misery I was attacked with violent toothache which kept me in tortures until after midnight when I at last snatched a few hours sleep.
Monday 23rd November
I arose but was suffering from my fatigueing[sic] ride but after breakfast I wrote to an absent one requesting his inestimable presence on the day.
Tuesday 24th Nov
Today I have expected one dearer than all other but cruel fate has disappointed me again. can [sic] it be that he would treat me so cruelly knowing so well the suspense that I would be in until his arrival. At five oclock [sic] I walked a half mile to meet him but the dear object never met my sight and low spirited and with an aching heart I slowly retraced my lonely steps. still [sic] hoping that he might yet come. but [sic] late bedtime came and he was not here. I at last retired but my sleeping moments were not happier than my waking though. I was in his presence I received no genial smile no tender look or soft pressure of the hand so dear to a soul dependent upon another for its very life. Cruel [Min?] how could you come to me in dreams even and treat me so coldly and leave me without one tender goodbye.
Wednesday 25th November
This morning arose clear and cold though the sun the day preceeding [sic] had almost removed the traces of snow that had fallen. After breakfast I was engaged in assisting my Aunt with her sewing at which I continued until late in the afternoon when I again commenced a walk which I hoped would be ended in joy. I wandered on with heart beating in joyful hope but alas again I was doomed to return with an aching heart wondering why the form so anxiously looked for did not come. Could it be that the charm had been broken? or [sic] that other forms were equally as dear? No. No. it could not be this! perhaps [sic] disease may be gnawing his vitals with no ministering spirit near but so it is that I must suffer on in suspense and wait for time to reveal all to my weary aching heart, which now is only bouyed [sic] by a small portion of that great attribute. Hope.
November 27th Thursday
This day was ushered in with fast falling rain and I could almost believe that it was truly emblematic of my own gloomy feelings. With all its gloom it wore away and in the afternoon I had written another letter to an absent one slightly chiding for the apparent neglect of myself and my letter. The letter was finished before tea after which I had lain down in dark, drear, impenetrable gloom to await the time of retiring of the others of the family when I should [illegible word] my feelings in this my recepticle [sic]. While brooding over my gloomy feelings I heard a rap at the door and the next moment the tones of a voice ever musical fell melodiously upon my entranced senses. I arose and met him but other eyes were upon us and our greeting was non other than that for formal relatives. but [sic] even his presence had restored sunshine to my throbing [sic] heart and many fond glances would steal forth unbidden to cheer my drooping soul. The time for retiring at last arrived but for me too soon but even then I had a few brief moments to exchange loving fond words more dear than the dripings [sic] of the delicious nectar prepared for the lips of celestial beings!
November 28th Friday
I arose to commence preparations for visiting my father’s only sister and her family and also my dear old Grandmother. Part of this day was spent in the society of one loved one and in the evening as the sun was sinking below the western horizon we [sauntered] forth to enjoy a few entrancing moments together. but [sic] a subject arose which could not fail to five me pain but which I was to consider prayerfully and return an answer in a few days. it [sic] was relative to a step to be taken if consent should be refused by my parents relative to my future happiness. O why should doubts arise to din the glorious brightness of fond loving hearts. I suffered all this day with tooth ache but half the pain was extracted by the fond solicitude evinced by one dear as life to me. and [sic] every thing was done to relieve me that was in his power. All my preparations were finished for my next day’s ride. I received two letters from my Texan land and was cheered by the pleasing thoughts that I had distant friends who still loved and cherished my memory [&] loved me. At a late hour I retired to rest and found in sweet refreshing dreams the balm often denied us in our waking hours.
Saturday November 29th
Arose from my downy couch and arranged my toilet for the day’s ride. Clouds occasionally floated over the face of the orb of day and often obscured the brightness of its rays. but [sic] we were not to be detered [sic] in our determination of traveling and after an early breakfast we were on our way. For many miles we traveled engaged in sweet converse without any interruption except the pain I sometimes endured with my teeth. After crossing the Tallahatchie at Wyatt the clouds began to assume a threatening appearance and soon the rain began to descend, we had an umbrella in the buggy for our protection but my cousins on horseflesh were taking it in all its beauty. several [sic] miles from Wyatt a beautiful prospect was pointed out to me which had it been a bright April day with a few stray clouds to wander across the blue sky and present all the variety of light and shade t’would have truly been a most lovely, enchanting, landscape. The rain continued and at last cousin Jane came into the buggy and Cousin [Min] rode her horse. I having the guidance of the horse in the carriage. After continuing the ridge in excruciating pain until passing through Chulahoma when my own loved one
once more was by side cheering me with his genial smile and soothing me with his sympathy through all that [wet] rise which in any other situation would have been dreary and disagreeable in the extreme but as it was pain was soothed fatigue was not thought of and the sunshine of the soul amply repaid for the absence of the light of the King of day. Sometime after dark we arrived at my Uncle’s where I was affectionately received by all my relatives there. and [sic] soon was cheered by a good warm supper of which we partook rather heartily. After tea the spirits of the family seemed to burst forth and to hear the merry peals of laughter that often rang forth it would have been imagined that care was a stranger to every bosom there at a late hour we retired to rest and many were the sweet entrancing visions of heavenly bliss in the society of loved ones that passed before my enraptured sleeping vision.
November 30th Sunday
Today presented every appearance of rain but after breakfast every arrangement was made to attend church at Chulahoma. six [sic] miles distant Cousins Lizzy and [Anistasia] were mounted on beautiful spirited horses and they handled the reins with skill and sat
gracefully as the queen of olden times. Cousin Hannah was mounted on a frisky little trotting pony which was about small enough to be put in a pocket. I was in the buggy with my cousin [Min]. and [sic] at times suffered considerably with tooth ache. The Rev George [Tasher] preached from the last chapter of revelation first [clause] of the 17th verse. after [sic] the services were concluded we returned to my uncle’s where we partook of a good dinner and spent the evening in lively conversation Cousin Hannah giving us a description of a famous wedding which had taken place in the neighborhood a few weeks before. the [sic] old lady continued her knitting as soon as the ceremony was performed and many other amusing things were told us of the wedding preliminaries and bridal paraphrenalia [sic]. After having great amusement at the expense of the bridal party we separated for the night and were soon enveloped in the arms of Morpheus to dream of scenes to be enacted in future or act over those long since forgotten.
Monday December 1st
After a refreshing night’s repose I arose to make preparations to accompany his physianship [sic] Dr. Walker to Holly Springs to visit my Uncle Samuel Davidson. The day was cloudy but we started and were cheered by the presence of each other and when in his society I trouble not to count time, or compute distance, and the past is forgotten the future looked for only with pleasure and the present is fraught with too much bliss to even imagine that care could ever intervene We traveled on until we came to a Mr. [Cosell] where we stoped [sic] to have our horse shod while sitting in the buggy waiting a gentleman came from the house and politely invited us to go in and warm we accepted the invitation and were soon ushered into a room handsomely furnished with a comfortable fire burning upon the hearth shortly a very agreeable lady entered and the time passed pleasantly away until we were ready to drive on. The house was a handsomely constructed cottage with the yard laid off with some taste. The day wore on and we were still traveling engaged in conversation ever endearing to the souls of those bound by affections dearest bonds. At four oclock [sic] we reached my Uncle’s where we were soon to part until the following morning.
Tuesday December 2nd
After dwelling in the fairy land of dreams for many hours I was awakened once more to the realities of this ever changing existence to still lament many things which are not in the power of morals to control. I was soon engaged in the mysteries of the toilet which when completed only consisted of a white morning gown and black apron until after breakfast. I then arranged my toilet to make a shopping tour. shortly [sic] after breakfast my Adonis arrived and we were accompanied by my Uncle and Aunt to town where we spent the morning and then returned to dinner After chatting and taking dinner we again were on our way to Uncle Walker’s. The day had been cloudy until after we started when the sun broke through the thick curtain that enshrouded it and gilded the entire scene with his golden rays. passed [sic] through Chulahoma just as he was wishing to rest behind the western horizon, but soon the Queen of night had commenced her regal march and her liquid rays bathed the earth in her soft, dreamy, light and bright stars peeped forth as if prying into the secret thoughts of two of earth’s tenants, whose souls were then indulging in fond, fleeting, dreams for the
future. fancy [sic] had taken wings and flown far into the long vista of futurity and full fledged [illegible word] its beauteous tinted [illegible word] in the realm of fame and prosperity. too [sic] bright were the scenes the enchanted rover passed through, too brilliant the flowers from which the flutterer drank honied [sic] nectar and too high the green palm on which she poised her panting frame, to be ever realized without some pang to pierce our hearts before the consumation [sic]. but [sic] heaven grant that the realization of all these hopes and fond imaginings may never make us forgetful of our duty to a higher power and through all the vicisutudes [sic] of life and the pleasures if any there be in store for us may our will ever be subservient to the will of our Father in Heaven. O the unbounded joy it would afford my sometimes drooping soul to see the loved ones on whom my heart’s richest treasures are lavished changed regenerated and living in the full hope of a joyous immortality beyond this vale of sorrow an[d] disappointment. We still drove on living in the flowery [illegible word] of future joys until we arrived at home where we were again constrained to act the same part as
before to delude those with whom we associated but even then we at last were walking side by side under the guidance of the mellow moonlight thinking talking and dreaming of our own happiness which we more than hoped was in store for us. at [sic] late hour we separated for the night.
Wednesday December 3rd
Awake again to the joys and sorrows of this existence and today have felt great depression of spirits and at times almost regretted a decision I made on yesterday fearing the smiles of my Heavenly Father would be withheld and that in anticipation of a breach of duty I had transgressed too far but o the power, the charm, of the deep entrancing love of a devoted soul. Heaven forbid that I should ever commit an act that would forfeit [illegible word] smile from my guardian angels. and [sic] yet may our brightest hopes be realized in the morning Cousin Lizzy. Cousin [Min]. Cousin [Asgal] and Cousin Jane and Catherine and I in company took a long walk at times stoping [sic] on an old log and seating ourselves to have a merry chat after dinner Cousin Min rode off several miles and I accompanied Cousin [Anistasia] on horseback to Mr. [Campbell’s].
Thursday December 4th
Arose this morning, all making busy preparations for the departure of Grandma. Cousins Min Asgal and Jane. after [sic] all were ready I took a short ride with my own cousin and received his parting words. We parted with mutual promises of writing often. The leave taking between my aged Grandmother and her daughter and Grandchildren was affecting as her age and infirmities precluded the idea of her being able much longer to visit her children. After they had all started cousin Lizzy and I had the horses caught and started upon a near road expecting to intercept them within a few miles but they had taken another road we rode on to Mr. Clarke’s and remained until just time to get home before the sombre [sic] shadows of evening had enveloped the surrounding scenery. The evening was spent in lively conversation laughter often being excited by the merry sallies of Cousin Hannah whose originality I have never known equaled. She is the care dispelling one of the family and where she goes mirth follows.
Friday December 5th
Cousin Hannah says that today nothing of great importance has transpired except that she had the superintendence of the dinner and we by that means missed getting “Taters” a great-gal is our cousin Hannah.
Saturday December 6th
Today brought with it a visiter [sic] accompanied by a youngster who was very fearful that the good things of this life would not be prepared for his stomach, and displayed in many ways during the day the force of training and verified the saying of the wise man “spare the rod and spoil the child”
Sunday December 7th
A beautiful clear day but as there was no church to attend I spent the day reading until late in the afternoon. the [sic] moon shone brilliantly in the evening and several of my cousins and I walked to Mr. Hancock’s where we were much amused until late when we returned to retire to the silent shades of the vine embowered grottos of the Sleep King to [illegible word] in dreams the beautious [sic] lands of never fading verdure where never failing streams of joy gush forth from the [illegible word] fountain of Heavenly Love.
Monday December 8th
Was a beautiful clear day. I have been once more engaged knitting the purse commenced several months ago. in [sic] the evening indulged in a frolic in the garden with Cousin [Anistasia] and Cousin Hannah.
Tuesday December 9th
Not a cloud obscured the brightness of the day. Mrs. Sharp spent the day with us and cousin [Anistasia] and I think of going to Chulahoma tomorrow.
Wednesday December 10th
The first note that fell upon my hearing upon awakening this morning was the pattering of rain upon the housetop and spoke to my anxious soul disappointment in tones to plain to be misunderstood. for [sic] today I had anticipated going to town with the fond hope of recieving [sic] a letter from the hand of one whose writings are far more precious that glittering gems whose sentiments are more cheering soul thrilling than the applause of the congregated world. and [sic] whose smile is more genial than all the rays of the sun cast upon an Iceland scene To while away the dull moments then hanging heavily upon my hands I retired to the office once his own and there penned a letter to him, and all the while there was a charm before me in the likeness of his own loved self
which at times almost caused me to imagine that his own eyes were beaming upon me, his own lips ready to utter some endearing word to soothe in [illegible word] melodious tones the heart of his absent love one. In the evening My steady Cousin Lizzy amusing Cousin Anistasia and merry cousin Hannah and my own self all repaired to Mr. Campbell’s where we took tea and spent the evening. We there met the expectant Bridegroom Mr. Graham and Mr. D Campbell the latter walked home with us.
Thursday December 11th
Nothing of importance transpired today except we hear that Miss Jane Fowler is to visit us tomorrow.
Friday December 12th
In the morning clouds floated lazily across the blue sky and sometimes bore a threatening aspect which at times caused us to fear that we should be disappointed in seeing our expected visitor, but at about 10 oclock [sic] we were much pleased to see her ride up accompanied by Miss Sharp. I find Miss Fowler to be quite an intelligent, and very lively young lady. Mis Sharp is rather more sedate. They left us in the evening after we had promised to visit them the following week. This has been a dreadful day in the annals of [illegible word] history.
This morning rose with joyous anticipations of receiving a letter from a distant one; as Galveston was to go to town. so [sic] after breakfast was over I saw him start and to prevent the time form hanging heavily I employed myself in knitting the purse intended to be the Souvenir for one more dear than all the gold and jewels it could contain in a lifetime. At 12 oclock [sic] the long denied letter came and alone, I devoured every word that was inscribed upon that paper with the avidity of a starving wretch, and had it contained volumes I could have read on and never wearied; Volumes did I say? It did contain volumes and ever more for one little word in that spoke more to my soul than the united libraries of the world and fraught with far more and much deeper interest. Its thrilling influence welled through every secret cavern of the heart and awoke echoes that sung upon every chord! Love. What is it? Tis a something almost painfully entrancing. Tis almost Heaven upon earth to dwell in the atmosphere of the mischievous little God. Tis “heaven, [transport] bliss,” to be ever near to the loved of the soul. Tis that little word that can waken the dormant feelings of the soul and make a hut, a palace in the presence of the loved one.
Sunday December 14th
A cool but pleasant day. Cousin Liz and Uncle Walker went to Mount Zion to Church. and [sic] cousin Anistasia and I went to Cousin John’s where we spent the day. after [sic] our return we spent the evening in cheerful conversation until late when all retired. to [sic] the land of dreams.
Monday December 15th
This morning was cold but clear and after breakfast Cousin Anistasia and Hannah were making preparations to accompany me to Mrs. Sharp’s to spend the day and from there to go to Mr. [Fowler] but before we were ready two of the girls were sent for to assist with wedding arrangements and our visit was postponed until afternoon. when [sic] we started and were soon at Mr. Sharp’s half frozen where we spent the afternoon. and [sic] then started with Miss Sharp to go to Mr. Fowler’s. the [sic] evening was exceedingly cold, but when we arrived there we were ushered into a room where a bright cheerful fire burned upon the Hearth. and [sic] we were soon engaged in cheerful lively conversation until tea after which we sat until a late hour before retiring
Tuesday December 16th
A clear cold frosty morning. We all remained at Mr. Fowler’s until in the afternoon when we returned to Uncle’s to hear of weddings and wedding arrangements during my absence a very pressing invitation had been sent me to visit the Bride elect, Miss Kate Campbell. so [sic] I was soon wandering my way over the hard frozen ground to the residence of her father, where all was hurry and bustling preparations for the occasion. but [sic] the bride had not the calm joyousness of one who was uniting her fate to the loved one of the soul. No there was a restlessness of the dark eyes an [meanness] of expression that plainly told the absence of any congenial feeling. That evening while walking home with my cousin Lizzy she told me that the bride had told her that she did not love the man she was to be united to for life. O such [illegible word] in thought. that [sic] one is to be bound to pass through life’s [illegible word] scenes by the side of one whose heart could know no kindred feeling! No congenial thought! No thrilling, entrancing glow of love to fill both souls with blissful heavenly, raptures at the glance of an eye or one single word.
Wednesday December 17th
Freezing cold, but cousin Lizzy was compelled to go to town to procure some of the wedding trimmings I assisted cousin Hannah with a handsome cashmere. until [sic] 12 oclock [sic] when I repaired to Mr. Campbell’s to assist with preparations for the bridal about 4 oclock [sic] Cousin Liz returned from town and joyful to tell with her came a letter from one who can always awaken feelings which I trust are more pure, more holy more, heavenly than those now [activating] the bride then present as soon as the letter I withdrew to a distant part of the room where I silently read the thrilling sentences as they fell upon my delighted senses while awaking in the enrapturing sentiments which caused the crimson tide to rush from the joyous heart to my burning cheek and at times the starting tear would almost burst forth, but I used every exertion to hide the [heavy] emotions of my heaving bosom as the eyes of others might detect that which to me is guarded with a misers eye that it be not revealed to the prying eye of curiosity. but [sic] with all my endeavors I had almost betrayed myself. cousin [sic] Liz called me to ask my advice and as I raised my head she detected the hightened [sic] color and glistening eyes: but I soon cleared all with a plausible excuse.
Thursday December 18th
This morning preparations were busily making to arrange our toilets to attend the marriage which was to take place at 11 oclock [sic] A.M. My Pretty cousin Hannah and I went together and left the others to follow at their leisure. At 1 oclock [sic] the groom and attendants came and after many unnecessary preliminaries the Bridal train appeared upon the floor before the Rev. Mr. [Young] who in a very solemn, impressive, and concise manner explained the institution of matrimony and after a short ceremony the solemn pronunciation of their being man and wife fell in deep thrilling cadence upon our senses. O the solemnity of those words the world of thought those words awaken as there two just united to contribute to each others happiness and pleasure or [illegible word] discords stripes and evil passions to rise and like a lowering cloud to hang forever upon their pathway. I fear that there is not that deep soul thrilling and abiding affection existing in the bosom of the young bride to sanction the deeply responsible station she was to fill. I could descover [sic] none of that tender expression confiding trust
beaming from her eyes no reliance upon her groom’s affection but a constant appearance of shrinking from his attentions and a constant opposition to his wishes in the most trivial affair was perceptible even before the company dispersed.
Friday Dec 19th
Still cold but clear after breakfast Cousin Anistasia returned from Mr. Campbell’s accompanied by Mr. Medlin. very [sic] busiyly [sic] employed during the day making a silk dress. and [sic] at last the day came to a close with nothing of importance to render it memorable more than a regret that I had not finished the night preceding a letter commenced, to one distant at a late hour retired to rest, to dream of fond loving friends far far away.
Saturday December 20th
I arose earlier than usual to pen a few thoughts to an absent loved one. before [sic] Cousin Lizzy had arisen a request came to her to go that morning and accompany the Bride to the mansion of her Lord and master. so [sic] after breakfast she and Cousin A started to Mr. Campbell’s and did not return until in the afternoon. This evening Uncle Walker returned from [Memphis]
Sunday December 21st
This morning the first salutation which greeted my ears was the pattering of rain upon the housetop. and [sic] right merrily it continued during the day I have today written a letter to my own home. one [sic] to Cousin Asgal. and [sic] finished one that had been commenced several days before, to my own “Min” before retiring several chapters in the word of God were read and many meditations arose which were ended by fervent petitions for the welfare and salvation of loved ones. who [sic] had said “pray for me” O that I may yet see one loved one the recipient of divine grace and basking in the glorious rays of the Sun of Righteousness forever.
Monday December 22nd
Cold rainy day beginning before night to snow. Tuesday the ground is white. Wednesday begins to thaw.
Thursday December 25th
Warm for the season and raining. I had looked for my Uncle from Holly Springs before this, but he has not yet arrived. this [sic] has passed off rather a quiet Christmas.
Friday December 26th
Cold cloudy day. two [sic] young misses from in the neighborhood came to spend the day. [sic] in the evening they left accompanied by Kate after they had gone and all was [quiet] I had seated myself by a cheerful fire but its vivid light and cheerful blaze lent no glow to my drooping spirits. after [sic] sitting sometime musing over my troubles I was broken from my reviries [sic] by hearing cousin Hannah say that Uncle Sam had come, soon our salutations were over and then he gave me a letter on which I recognized the well known and ever welcome handwriting of one more dear than life. But O! the agony I endured to find upon reading it that I had inflicted pain upon a heart so truly devoted to my happiness but heaven knows I would rather endure tortures myself than to cause one useless pang to pierce the bosom of a loved one. And too in a place he writes, “O what shall become of me if our love is prohibited and Im [sic] forsaken!! Tis a cruel sentence but I know that he thought not that he was causing my heart to bleed by that one word. Forsaken. O! that our cruel suspense was over with that we could know our destiny. Heaven grant us happiness.
Saturday December 27th
I was soon in readiness to go with my Uncle and soon after breakfast we [were] of the road with an appearance of a rainy day. We had gone but a few miles when I began to feel very sick. and [sic] grew worse all day. This day the same road was retraced that I had traveled a few weeks before with one loved one [weaving] in fancy bright [chaplets] for the future and painting in the imagination’s own beauteous bright, and varied colors, the sunny day dreams of our existences. the [sic] same ground was retraced when I had made a promise afterwards withdrawn. the [sic] same road was traveled over where by the light of the beauteous Queen of night we had exchanged happy dreams and hopes. (I fear never to be realized) of a blissful future with the ever genial rays of the sunshine of prosperity to beam upon our flower [strewed] pathway. all [sic] there reflections passed through my aching brain. just [sic] as we were entering Holly Springs the rain began to fall in torrents accompanied by vivid flashes of lightening and deafening thunder, during it all I was suffering deaths with a bilious headache. at [sic] dark we reached my uncle’s residence where I was received affectionately by my aunt and cousins, but was still
so sick that I was compelled to go to bed immediately taking a light dose of medicine.
December 28th Sabbath
I arose this morning much better but feeling very weak. Was too much indisposed to attend church.
Monday Dec 29th
So nearly recovered that I ventured to go with my Aunt shopping. returned [sic] in time to get a good dinner. spent [sic] the afternoon reading and writing.
Tuesday Dec 30th
A cold cloudy day with nothing of interest sufficient to take the trouble to write it.
Wednesday Dec 31st
I arose with no feelings of indisposition spent the morning sewing. but [sic] immediately after dinner was again attacked with violent bilious headache and suffered excruciating pain and deathly sickness until about nine oclock [sic]. What poor weak mortals we are how little it takes to throw us on the verge of the grave. how [sic] much we suffer! and yet how tenacious of life. Why is it that we do not let the poor flaterer [sic] within, loose to soar away to bright chimes above forever to sip the heavenly nectar from never fading flowers? Why do we so reluctantly
in the bright spirit quit this poor clod which only binds it to the carnalities of a dull dreary existence when if permitted to go fourth [sic] it wings its flight away to a paradise on high where the it takes in new delights with each succeeding hour and the glorious mind expands and continues expanding until nothing but omnipotence can concieve [sic] of the [illegible word] of the delights transmitted to that beautified soul. Let the bright flutterer go; let it seek the bright groves, the sparkling rills dewy lawns of a heavenly country where the peals of enchanting music never cease! where [sic] the pure water of life freely [illegible word] from the throne of the most high! where [sic] the Lamb that was made a sacrifice to cleanse it may be adored forever. Why stay here? angels are there! Why stay here where vice is? Purity is there! Love is there harmony there the saints are there Christ is there, God is there.
Thursday January 1st 1852
This day again ushered in another year. how many during the past year have steped [sic] off the stage of action. how [sic] many have gone to try the realities of another existence! How many emotions these reflections should awaken in the bosom of every creature we the spared monuments of the mercy of God and the objects still of his long suffering kindness. I this day once more dedicate myself to the service of the Most High and pray He [illegible word] that my example may be such that I may exert a [solutary [sic]] influence over the minds of my friends and associates and Grant that I may be the humble instrument in the hands of God of bringing some to see the error of their ways, and lead them to the bloody cross of the immolate Lamb of God.
Friday January 2nd 1852
All day busily employed sewing until late in the afternoon we receive an invitation to spend the evening after tea with Mr. [Harkins] family. We had tea early and repaired to Mr. [Harkins] where we spent a most pleasant evening returned about 9 oclock [sic].
Saturday Jan 3rd
A clear bright day. My Uncle and Aunt with little Annie went to spend the day at Mrs. Andrew L. Austin’s. I sent to the postoffice and anxiously awaited the return of the servant expecting letters from dear, distant ones, only one came but that one bore the impress of a hand ever ready to distil into the [illegible word], sweet, loving tender words to sooth[e] the restless flutter. I quit my dinner, to drink in the delightful pages of that letter. I would not have exchanged these lines for the banquets of the gods where the famed ambrosia is served in [jeuvella] plate and where the sparkling nectar flashes to the [illegible word] of glittering crystal!
Sabbath January 4th 1852
A Clear bright day all went to church but one and she remained to write to absent ones I did not write long until my headache came on when I stoped [sic] and went to bed. carrying [sic] with me the holy writ that I might read a few of the delightful promises there “held out to the finally faithful.” In the afternoon Uncle and Aunt went to visit the sick and afflicted among whom was Mr. Starks who had the day previous been severely injured by a gun bursting in his hands the physicians fear that he will lose his eyesight. After all were gone I laid down and commenced reading but t’was not long before my book had fallen and I was in a profound slumber. when [sic] I awoke t’was nearly night. I retired to my room to indulge in private meditation, and there experienced a holy, Heavenly calm pervading my soul and sense of my acceptance with God.
Monday January 1852
Cloudy with a little snow early in the morning. After breakfast Uncle Aunt and Annie started to go some ten miles distant to visit an old friend. I finished my letter and in the afternoon sent it to the office expecting to receive some, but what was my utter disappointment when the servant came to learn that the Post Master was absent, and if I had letters there, there they had to stay until another time bitter, blinding, burning tears started from my eyes, but remembering the providence of God I dried them up and the words of a beautiful hymn occurred to my mind
Behind a providence
He hides a smiling face.
And I will rely on him and him alone and ever endeavor to submit to his will in all thing[s] and if he chastise me sorely meekly kiss the rod. In the evening a sweet young lady came with Jane to spend the night with us. we [sic] sat up till a late hour and retired to our downy couches to dream of other realms and perhaps other beings
Tuesday January 6th 1852
As there were no old heads on the place, we young ones indulged in the pleasures of sleep and may be so the imagination until breakfast was ready to come to the table. We then arose and made our toilets and partook of a good warm breakfast, after which the girls repaired to the College and I was left alone. I again sent a servant to the Post Office and again was disappointed no postmaster again. but [sic] my heavenly Father’s will be done. all [sic] will come right in due reason, though my anxiety is great relative to the loved ones at home. My Uncle and Aunt did not return this evening as expected and tonight Jane and I are alone. I have since supper written two letters and now at 11 oclock [sic] almost frozen must prepare for retiring. May dreams of one loved one come to me and make my sleeping existence once more as happy as in days gone by.
Wednesday January 7th 1852
Arose again with fond anticipation of receiving intelligence from distant loved ones but upon sending to the P.O. again was disappointed, no P.M. to be found, rising emotions almost choked my utterance until I reflected that it was all the will of my Heavenly Father and I would submit without a murmur. I remained alone until Jane returned from College and as my Uncle and Aunt had not returned I sent for sweet Betty Hoskins who came and we were all in great glee when the absent ones returned, having made a very pleasant visit. at [sic] a late hour we retired I praying to visit in sweet dreams objects more dear to me than life. Sweet visions of future happiness.
Thursday Jan 8th
This morning my Uncle went to the P.O. and O joyful thought returned with a letter from one ever dear. its [sic] pages were fraught with all that affection could prompt that was endearing and cheering to the soul of a devoted one. I also received one from Cousin Lizzy Walker. and [sic] a package which had been left at Uncle Walker’s
Tuesday January 9th 1852
In the morning was employed until the dinner hour. after [sic] which I dressed for a shopping tour and accompanied by my Aunt and Uncle made the round of the town returned late.
Disagreeable cloudy day in the afternoon Uncle Sam leaves to fill an appointment to preach the following day and tonight we are alone.
Sabbath 11th 1852
A beautiful cloudless day but owing to Uncles absence we could not attend church. I have today felt my entire dependence on the mercy of the Lord and after private mediation experienced clearly my acceptance with God and renewed my covenant with him to do and suffer his will in all things. the [sic] evening was spent in singing hymns of praise to our Heavenly Father and we then retired.
Nothing of importance transpired today.
Aunt Matilda has been indisposed all day and in the evening the Doctor was summoned but he did
not consider her illness as anything serious today received a letter from my own dear home, one from Cousin Asgal King, one from Cousin Thomas Chambers and one from Cousin Thomas Bell.
Wednesday 14th 1852
Aunt Matilda much better and nothing else transpired worthy of notice.
This morning wrote a letter to a distant loved one. Uncle Sam an[d] Annie went visiting when they returned brought with them a very interesting little girl of thirteen years of age but all of that was interesting was a letter from one whose sentiments are ever heard and rec’d with raptures. and [sic] a letter from him every day would only add to my exquisite happiness.
Friday 16th 1852
Today have been very closely engaged every moment finishing a piece of work. in [sic] the afternoon Uncle and Aunt called on Dr. Bonner and lady. they [sic] there met Mrs. Andrew L. Martin who sent me word that she intended calling on me in a few days. After tea Mr. Hoskins Betty and Kate came
We all (the girls) had a regular romp and after playing blind man’s bluff with the children until a late hour retired.
Saturday Jan 17th 1852
Nothing important today
The dawn disclosed a dark gloomy morning and accompanied by sleet which soon changed to a beautiful thick snow. which [sic] continued until near night, retired at an early hour and dreamed of absent loved ones.
Monday Jan 19th 1852
Excessively cold with nothing to interrupt the calm tranquility of the family circle.
Tuesday Jan 20th
Still very cold. the [sic] landscape presenting a most beautiful aspect. a [sic] most beautiful aspect. a [sic] scene which I seldom witness in my own sunny Texas.
The snow still lying on the ground though the sun comes forth in all his majesty making the landscape glitter as if decked with sparkling gems.
Thursday January 22nd 1852
Arose this morning with fond anticipations of recieving [sic] a letter or letters from distant ones but disappointment ever ready to stare me in the face has again been my portion. There’s one who I know might think enough of me to write at least once a week but now a week has elapsed and no letter arrives. what [sic] cam be the reason of this neglect? I had as well be in Texas as here at this rate of writing, but I’ll console myself with the hope of making new acquaintances whose society will perhaps, although a portion of the pain of separation from those before considered most dear.
Friday January 23rd 1852
Again fond hopes buoyed my soul and again disappointment was my portion no letters. At ten minutes after 1 o’clock we were surprised by an earthquake, causing a violent shaking of the home. but [sic] lasted only about a minute.
Saturday Jan 24th
The ground is still covered with snow but Aunt Matilda and Uncle went town and did not return until late in the evening. Aunt bringing me two very handsome presents. one [sic] a hair of [illegible word]
Sabbath January 25th 1852
Awoke this morning with the hope of going to church, but after I had arisen it commenced sleeting and raining though towards eleven oclock [sic] it somewhat abated and I was soon dressed ready to go. it [sic] continued to rain slightly during the ride to town, and when we entered the minister had commenced his discourses; the sermon was concise and appropriate ending with a suitable exhortation to the different stations in the church. The concluding prayer was offered by the Rev. Mr. Rob, and never before have such feelings filled my soul as when the accents of true devotional penitential fervent prayer was falling from lips which the last time I had heard before were used often in profaning the name of the Lord, but now pouring forth with all the fervour [sic] of a regenerated soul the praises of a heart cleaned through the blood of the blessed Jesus whose blood was shed on [illegible word] rugged summit. Once he devoted his whole time to the works of the wicked one, now his life was devoted to the service of the
Lord and he now occupies conspicuous places in the church of Christ. While the deep tones of his voice feel [sic] upon my ear in the accents of devotion tears of joy filled my eyes at the thought that God’s goodness had done this much and even more to bring about his Kingdom Surely there is a truth in the Christian religion
Monday Jan 26th 1852
The weather has somewhat moderated and in the afternoon my Aunt and Uncle ride to town and upon their return I receive letters from distant ones.
Tuesday Jan 27 1852
Nothing worthy of notice occured [sic] today I received this evening two pieces of music from the Music Teacher, Mr. [Carstenson].
Wednesday [sic] 28th
Aunt has been suffering all day but in the afternoon rode out and recieved [sic] an invitation to dine out the following day. Thursday 29th
Aunt and Uncle dined out Uncle returning suffering with dreadful headache.
Friday 30th Jan 1852
Nothing of importance has transpired today I have finished a little piece of work for Aunt Matilda.
This morning engaged until dinner after which with my Uncle and Aunt I went to town Aunt stoped [sic] at Mr. Shoemake’s and Uncle Sam accompanied me to the Post Office where I recieved [sic] a letter from a distant one containing $20,00, which was very acceptable at that time. Sunday February 1st 1852
This morning arose and the dawn displayed a clear and cloudless morning. the [sic] Sun came forth in all his glorious splendour [sic], and not a cloud strayed forth to threaten gloom or disappointment, after breakfast I arranged my toilet for church, where I attended accompanied by Uncle and little Annie. The Rev. Mr. Rob preached from the first verse of the third chapter of the first epistle of John. truly [sic] it is a glorious sight to see one who has long lived in the service of the wicked one at last proclaiming Christ and him [illegible word] to a
wicked and vain world, today I witness the interesting ceremony of Baptism performed upon some fifteen of the Female College students the services were concluded with the administration of the Sacrament and a most interesting time we had, in the afternoon I attended class meeting at the college. and [sic] heard a very appropriate exhortation from Mr. Rob to the Young ladies of the College. Monday Feb 2nd
Very busily employed all day until late at night.
Again busily employed. today [sic] the examination commenced at the Franklin Female College I did not attend.
This morning busily employed until dinner. after [sic] which I attended the examination after being there about a half hour. one [sic] anxiously looked for appeared. after [sic] remaining sometime I left and was followed by Dr. Walker who accompanied me to the stores and then returned to my Uncle’s where he remained until a late hour.
Thursday Feb 5th 1852
This morning at about nine oclock [sic] Dr. Walker came to accompany me to the College we arrived there at eleven. he [sic] procured a buggy for us to return in we attended again at three oclock [sic]. and [illegible word] attended the [concert?] in the evening and did not return until a late hour. and [sic] then we were compelled to separate he to return the following day to Oxford.
Friday Feb 6th
Arose but feeling rather sad at the remembrance of losing the society of a loved one. was [sic] not very well during the forenoon. In the afternoon a gentleman and lady called.
After a sweet nights repose I awoke to the dull realities of this care worn world. busily [sic] engaged all day. and [sic] retired at ten oclock [sic]
Sunday Feb 8th
Attended church and again heard Mr. Rob preach but getting there late did not hear the text. in [sic] the afternoon Mr. & Mrs. Hoskins came to spend the afternoon.
Monday Feb 9th 1852
A dull cloudy day occasionally raining, after dinner we made preparations to go shopping but the rain increasing when we were about half way to town t’was thought advisable to return. I spent the evening sewing and now with eyes half closed meditate retreating to the arms of [Somnus]. O that my dream muse would again unfold her varied wing and flutter over my downy pillow dispensing sweet visions of distant absent loved ones. and [sic] if the waking hours of my existence are not fraught with the estatic [sic] joy of continued bliss, deign to allow a few hours of blissful happiness in the few passing hours of our sleeping existence.
Tuesday Feb 10th 1852
Again a cloudy day and at times raining hard until late in the afternoon the Sun broke through its thick veil and cast a few rays resplendently o’er the [illegible word] earth before he sank to rest behind the western horizon. this [sic] evening I wrote to my dear Parents and Brother Long. O that I could once more view my own sunny Texas. If this country should be my home the remainder of my life never would be erased from memory’s page the wild woods and green prairies of
much loved fairy land. One who has once wandered over those green prairies and inhaled the odor of ten thousand flowers, bathed their feet in the sparkling dews, felt the sweet zephyer [sic] like breezes fan their cheek and drank in the musical tones of the song of sweet birds, in that delightful country could ever be content to dwell in such a land as this.
Wednesday Feb 11th 1852
When I awoke this morning found the rays of the sun streaming through the window though the wind was [blowing] rather bleakly around the house and through the tree tops, after breakfast went to town shopping and while there witnessed quite an exciting scene when t’was thought that the hotel was on fire, nothing serious resulted from it, it was so soon extinguished. Today recieved [sic] a letter from a dear absent one; and one from Tom Chambers in which I learned that many of my friends at Grenada were anxious to see me. Tonight have answered the letter to Dr. Walker. O that I could see him again for when he was here I could scarcely think of anything but the present moment of happiness, and now I think many things I wished to say
Thursday Feb 12th 1852
Another clear day the air bracing. busily [sic] engaged with some work for Aunt Matilda. In the afternoon Brother Rob called to see me and sat sometime he left with a promise to call again soon and remain longer. after [sic] tea was engaged with remodeling the parlor. retired [sic] at a late hour to dream of absent ones.
Friday Feb 13th 1852
This morning arose early and have been busily employed making preserves. Today heard Aunt Matilda relate a circumstance of a young lady who was engaged to be married to a gentleman and a few days before the time appointed for the marriage while sitting together the gentleman was shot dead, falling into her arms. several [sic] years afterwards the lady was again betrothed and only a few days intervened before their happiness was complete when walking in the garden one evening the happy man was shot dead. again [sic] the lady was a witness of the death of the chosen of her heart. she [sic] never afterwards suffered the addressed of any gentleman a[n] lived on the remainder of her life alone to mourn the loss of two hapless mortals. Again feel that the arms of Morpheus are inviting me to the repose of the poppy grove. [illegible word]
Holly Spring Saturday 14th Feb
Arose with the prospect of having a pleasant day for shopping shortly after breakfast arranged my toilet to walk to town. accompanied [sic] by my Uncle and little Annie I was soon traversing the streets of the gay busy town. After making several purchases and laughing an hour or two away with the merchants returned, to keep my bed the whole afternoon, with violent headache. My Uncle and Annie left for Mr. Rooks not to return until the following evening Received while in town a letter from a distant one accompanied by two of Graham’s Magazines. that [sic] distant one ever thoughtful for my enjoyment and happiness spares no trouble to indulge my least wish. Retired to rest my weary pain racked head at an early hour. to [sic] dream of wandering through many beauteous scenes by the side of one much loved and remembered.
Sunday Feb 15th
I awoke this morning relieved of my headache but did not feel sufficiently well to walk to church, and Uncle was away with the buggy, remained at home all day and ready many interesting things, just before the royal chariot bearing the king of day had disappeared behind the Western hills I found myself at a spot where not many
evenings before I had stood by the side of who had often expressed his devotion, and even then seemed to feel a deep and abiding pleasure in my society but now I was alone again I stood at the place where we held the last interview but still a feeling of loneliness would creep through my heart and cause the wish to arise, that we could never be separated but Our heavenly Father knows best and will direct all for our good and I humbly trust that I shall always feel that I am subservient to his will and strive to do nothing contrary to it and if he direct that we should never have our wishes consummated that we will bow before him in humble submission and kiss the rod.
Monday Feb 16th
Today nothing of interest transpired. I have arranged a package to send home of seeds and Rasberry roots. I am anxious to send to the P.O. for I think I have letters there. The weather is very fine, and some are gardening.
Tuesday Feb 17th
Another fine day. but [sic] nothing of interest to write my Uncle still gardening. I have not still sent to the Post Office. My spirits are not at their usual light as I have been looking over mementoes of absent ones which awaken memories of those far distant in my own loved sunny Texas.
Holly Springs Feb 18 1852 Wednesday
I arose early and soon discovered that we were going to be greeted with another snow before breakfast was over it came down in large flakes soon covering the ground rendering the landscape most beautiful The cedars and arboritas [sic] in my Aunts yard are most beautiful frosted over with the pure white snow giving them the appearance of being full of beautiful white flowers. I went out once and made a large snow ball to be put away for after use. This afternoon my aunt gave me an account of the runaway scrape she was once in and I think it a good foundation for a romantic story. It was of a young lady who had been engaged to be married to a young gentleman from the time she was ten years old. but [sic] as she was not very kindly disposed towards the gentleman herself the marriage was delayed though he had insisted upon its consummation. She became acquainted with a gentleman and soon found her affections enlisted in his favor and when he solicited the bestowal of her hand and heart she consented though in opposition to the wishes of her parents for unfortunately he was dissipated. the [sic] parents were firm in their refusal and at last they meditated an elopement every day for about two weeks the young ladies took a
long walk during which they were constantly watched until the suspicions of the parents began to subside and then was the time for the elopement, one evening down the walk they were met by three young gentlemen on horseback each taking a young lady behind him they were off in great haste expecting in a short time to meet the carriages which had remained at a distance, but just as they were in sight of them the [sic] found they were followed, and soon discovered that flight was useless the exasperated father commanded them to stop or risk the loss of their lives. they [sic] soon stoped [sic] and the old gentleman came up and after using many harsh expressions finding the young couple resolute and determined he at last came to terms and told them if they would return that he would give them a wedding. all [sic] returned and two of the gentleman had left the gentleman engaged being invited into to [sic] parlor, the young ladies repaired to their rooms alone Miss Jane being almost in ecstacies [sic] at the thought of her father’s consent. after [sic] a short time the young ladies heard her father and Mr—talking in high tones [Maj] Gilman saying “Mr — do you think I’ll let you marry my daughter! No sir I love my daughter too well and rather would I see her laid in her grave
wedded to you.” Maj. “Gilman I love your daughter and marry her I will at the risk ‘of my life” “Well die then sir for I swear she shall never be yours” with these words he drew a pistol and [illegible word] to the young man’s heart, a gentleman standing near sprang forward and threw the weapon up and it went off the contents going into the house above his head, the ladies above commenced screaming, but Jane walked resolutely to the door where her father stood and said “Father you need not think of preventing my union with Mr. for I’ll marry him at the risk of my life you have long endeavored to induce me to marry [Childers] but I have never loved him and I’ll see my grave before I’ll mary [sic] him!” The report of the pistol brought back the gentlemen who were riding off and again it was settled amicably the old gentleman promising that they should marry the following week. and [sic] all being arranged the gentlemen departed, all went on smoothly until the young ladies had retired after they had lain down Jane said “Matlda [sic] there’s to be something dreadful yet to come of this for said she I see that father and mother are enraged.” Soon they heard someone approaching the door where it was opened. Major Gilman exclaimed, “Jane
do you certainly intend marrying Mr.—” she rose in the bed with indignation mantling her face, “Father! said she you gave your honor as a gentleman that I should marry him and marry him I will. and [sic] nothing but death shall prevent it.” The exasperated father seized her and dragged her from the bed and gave her several cruel blows about the face, gave blows to the daughter who had been raised upon the lap of indulgence and gratification in every wish until the one nearest her heart had been [illegible word] after repeated blows inflicted on the fair but resolute girl, he left the room not having succeeded in compelling her to promise a relinquishment of her cherished engagement, then the [enfuriated [sic]] mother came and she who had been ever indulgent ever kind soon seemed transformed into a fury. she [sic] caught her beauteous daughter by the throat she tore her hair and gave her repeated blows, the daughter still firm and exclaiming mother kill me kill me I now wish to die. Matilda interfered and plead but plead in vain for the poor girl. at [sic.] last the mother exhausted left the room then the iron soul of the fair indignant girl arose, she sprang to the raised windows and was
in the act of dashing herself below and thus rid herself of a life rendered miserable by the tortures of her parents but poor deluded girl little thought had she of the future. Matilda sprang to the window and caught her and besaught [sic.] her to reflect upon the awful deed she was about to commit, the [illegible word] being raised her hand and said “Matilda I’d rather she then endure this let me go there is no happiness in store for me let me go” her father hearing her came running to the room and by this time [Aunt? M] had closed the window but as soon as her father entered she seized a knife that lay in her dressing case and was plunging it to her heart as he caught the blade which gave him a severe cut across the thumb, with one scream she fell senseless to the floor, as soon as [Aunt?] Matilda saw her friend fall she imagined that the knife had proven too true and that the blood flowing from Major Gilman’s hand was the life tide flowing from the heart of his injured daughter as this thought flashed through her mind she uttered a scream, which brought several gentlemen and numbers of servants to the door, but finding it fastened tried to force their entrance. Maj G ordered them not to enter, but [one] of the gentleman said “sir from what I
hear there is violence used in that room and enter I will” “If you enter sir it is with the risk of losing your life for the first that enters that door I’ll shoot dead upon the threshold” finding their efforts [illegible word] to assist the unfortunate girl they withdrew, and the enraged father finding that violence could not subdue or bend the iron will of his daughter silently withdrew [Aunt] Matilda soon with the assistance of the servent [sic.] in the room restored the insensible girl and again they tried to compose themselves to sleep.
There were now busy preparations making for the wedding and never again was the disapprobation of the parents [urged] to prevent the marriage. The evening at last arrived and the rain came down in torrents many of the guests had arrived the fair bride and bridesmaids were [decked] in their [snowy dresses] and all were in eager expectation of the groom and his attendants eight o clock [sic.] was the appointed hour the clock struck eight and still they were not there half an hour elapsed and still they were absent, at last a servant came and handed the bride a small note she [heartily] tore of the envelope and found it was from Mr. ___ commencing
Miss Jane, “Upon becoming acquainted with the disapprobation of your parents to our union, and finding that I have never loved you as I should and believing that a young lady should always obey implicitly the wishes of her parents I now inform you that you need not expect me this evening for at 9’oclock [sic.] I marry another lady, Farewell–W.” during [sic.] the reading of the note her color varied a thousand times and with the last word she uttered a piercing shriek and fell back on the bed, her first bridesmaid seized the note and read while the others [buddied] [sic.] themselves restoring the unhappy girl. as [sic.] soon as Matilda had read it she exclaimed fie Jane cant [sic.] you see that this is a forgery. upon [sic.] which the girls all examined it and pictured Maj Gilman’s handwriting. how [sic.] strange exclaimed Jane that I did not recognize papa’s hand, but my poor [illegible word] is almost crazed. no [sic.] wonder that I’m bewildered. very [sic.] soon a a [sic.] loud rap was heard and the first bridesmaid called for to appear at the door where she was met by the first attendant of the Groom all dripping with water, “Good evening Mis Matilda had you well nigh given up seeing us this evening.” “O No Mr. [M?] but we have had a serious time, and a singular note came to Jane which came near resulting in
something serious.” Why ? Who was it from and what was the subject? It purported to be from [Howlet] resigning his claims [to] her hand and relinquishing his engagement.” Well indeed said I it is no doubt a forgery and I have never seen a happier looking man in all my life. and [sic.] we will keep you waiting but a few minutes longer. and [sic.] as soon as we have exchanged our dripping [illegible word] for more comfortable ones we will make our appearance.” Just as he was leaving the door being partly open the young man caught a glace [sic.] of the tearful eyes of the injured girl “[hei?] Mis [sic.] Jane cheer up William is here and wanting nothing more to make his happiness complete but to see you radiant in smiles.” Soon the bridal train was on the floor, and soon the solemn vows were exchanged and they were promised man and wife. the [sic.] strains of music broke forth and the dancers were preparing to take their places in the cotillion when the bride started to her room to change her shoes for a more comfortable pair, and in crossing a passage where the rain had fallen she slipped and fell. Matilda rushed to her and soon the groom was by her side, lifting her in his arms she was conveyed to her room where restoratives were applied and the insensible girl recovered her senses
having one arm much bruised and lacerated by the fall, at piece of court plaster was called for to apply to the wound and none could be had but black the suffering creature almost instinctively shrank from it remarking that all things seemed to conspire to give her a dread for the future when she had recovered from the shock she again appeared in the parlor to join in the amusements of the evening.
Months after she was so harrassed [sic.] by the members of her family until [when] they heard that in the intensity of her [displeasure] and goading [illegible word] of being neglected by the one for whom she had braved the anger of her indulgent parents now sought to rid herself of life by taking a vial of Laudnum [sic.] was defeated and made a second attempt again found her project thwarted and her parents warmly solicited her return home. after [sic.] the birth of a beauteous boy the parents still harboring their hatred for their son-in-law and he so fickle in his nature left his wife beauteous boy and for more than a year was not heard of by any of the family, they had began [sic.] to almost dispair [sic.] of his return when at last he made his appearance and was received with more cordiality by his wife’s family with whom he resided until his death.
Several years afterwards she was wooded and won by one of our most prominent men and now they occupy a leading place in the society where they reside.
Holly Springs Thursday Feb 19th
Today has been warm and cloudy and the white mantle which yesterday enveloped the broad landscape today has disappeared. spent [sic.] the day sewing and the evening reading Graham’s Magazine. Hope tomorrow to get letters from one.
Friday Feb 20th
Been raining all day in the afternoon my uncle went to town and I awaited his return with the fond anticipations of receiving a letter from a distant one but false elusive hope. he [sic.] returned with none Oh! what can be the reason why this silence.
Still continued rain. My Uncle again went to town and again I expect letters, but strange that all day a feeling of dread has had possession of my heart, at last my uncle returned and welcome more than welcome, joyfully recieved [sic.] the letter with the well known [illegible word] and old familiar hand writing, but when reading the contents I learned that my own love was suffering from that which had almost taken his life a sudden thrill of
horror rushed through my soul, there he had suffered with no dear hand to administer relief or [bring] the cordial balm of sympathy when so much [needed]. O that I could have been with him to sooth [sic.] him in his distress and alleviate in some measure his pain by kind offices, and cheering words, I fear that he has assumed the lively tone in the letter to prevent any uneasiness. Heaven grant not, for if he is taken from me the strong limb that binds me to earth will be broken.
Holly Springs Sunday Feb 22nd 1852
The last thought last night before sinking into the arms of Morpheus (though suffering with a dreadful headache) was of an absent suffering one far distant and the first upon awaking this morning of one who in dreams visited my downy pillow O that I knew how he now is. Have not attended church today. Read a dear letter several times but would much rather see the author of those dear lines.
Monday Feb 23rd 1852
After wandering in sweet dreams with dear loved ones I have again seen another day and, have been engaged with my needle, but feeling a restlessness which I have been at a loss to divine. this [sic.] afternoon commenced a letter to Dr Walker. O may it find him restored to health, and may the time soon arrive when I shall
again hear him speak and see him smile. When I when will the dreadful suspense which now has possession of us both be dispelled. Heaven grant soon very soon. if [sic.] it is the will of God that our wish shall ever be consummated.
Holly Springs Tuesday Feb 24th
This morning rose earlier than usual after spending a restless night, soon after breakfast my attention was called by My Uncle to a beautiful little [Crocus] which had burst from its enthrallment and now stood with expanded petals ready to recieve [sic.] the first kiss from the glorious Sun’s rays as they once more came forth unshrouded [sic.] by a single cloud, Sweet flower, first messenger of Spring? whither hast thou been through all this dark and dreary winter? Wither will thou go when the thy beauteous petals droop and die? Can such sweet creatures be moral and breath all their existence in a few short hours never more to blow in an immortal pasture. surely [sic.] there is a flower heaven. where [sic.] their sweet spirits go! This is the [illegible word] anniversary of my Uncle’s and Aunt’s marriage. I wonder where I’ll be the time the anniversary again rolls up the [illegible word] time. Perhaps gone to my long resting place? with [sic.] the clod of the valley for my pillow and crawling worms for my companions! for [sic.] as the flowers of the field are our lives and as them we perish.
Holly Springs Feb 25th Wednesday
Again a bright cloudless day and the birds have been singing as merrily as though the month of flowers was here and the delightful [zephers] [sic.] were already playing in the treetops. The afternoon was so fine that I came to the conclusion of returning Mrs Faulkner’s call and do a little shopping called into several stores and accompanied by Mr Shoemaker went to the Post Office but my heart turned sick to learn that no letters were there for me, In one of the stores I made a remark which I have since been very very [sic.] sorry for as it was too thoughtless and treating a serious matter too lightly. speaking [sic.] of trading and Mr. Mason’s I remarked to Mr Johnson that I would never trade with him unless to buy my shroud. the [sic.] words were scarcely uttered before I was startled by the extreme levity of such a remark, but trust the Lord in his mercy has forgiven me. Made a pleasant call and retuned to my Uncle’s much fatigued by the walk. While in one of the stores learned the death of a young lady in the bloom of womanhood surrounded by all the comforts an luxuries of life and having no wish ungratified. her [sic.] name was Miss Mary Jane Martin. daughter [sic.] of John L Martin.
Holly Springs Thursday Feb 26th
In the morning made preparations to attend the funeral of the deceased young lady started about two oclock [sic.], but upon arriving in town learned that the services were not to be performed until the following evening returned bringing a bouquet of very sweet early flowers gathered at Mrs Faulkner’s.
Friday February 27th
Another cloudy, dreary rainy day. sewed [sic.] all morning expecting to attend the funeral in the afternoon but the rain continuing to increase I concluded not to go and have suffered all the evening with wretched sick headache. O that I could recieve [sic.] letters from some kind friend.
Saturday Feb 28th
Still wet and cloudy until in the afternoon when the clouds dispersed and the sun came forth from behind his thick curtains to enliven the face of nature. sent [sic.] to town to enquire for letters and had the good fortune to recieve [sic.] one from my dear father one from Spring Dale and one from Oxford. Been suffering exceedingly with headache all the afternoon.
Sunday Holly Springs February 29th 1852
Upon arriving this morning and looking through my curtains, was delighted to see that the Sun had already come forth rejoicing the sweet little birds were caroling merrily their melodious notes of [praise?] and the beauteous flowers were lifting their heads to catch the first rays of the morning After breakfast I made preparations to attend church with my Uncle where I heard Mr. Rob preach from the 3rd chap of 1st Timothy and first clause of the 16th verse. “And without controversy, great is the mystery of Godliness.” In the afternoon attended the Episcopal church where after the usual service of reading praying responding and singing and music on the organ the Rev Mr. Page from Memphis preached from the 3rd chap of 2nd Corinthians 22nd & 23rd verses. Whether Paul or Apollo or Cephus, or the world, or life or death, or things present or things to come; all are yours, And ye are Christ’s; and Christ is God’s. The church was draped in mourning for the accomplished and interesting Miss Martin whose remains had only the day previous been there where the funeral ceremonies were performed. O how hard that one so young and interesting should be torn from the hearth stone but perhaps the
flower plucked from the parent stem here is, transplanted to a bright and enduring [illegible word] above. where [sic.] it shall bloom on until never enduring ages roll their successive rounds. and [sic.] be ready to receive in the glorious atmosphere the ones left to mourn its loss here, when their time comes to be taken to another state of existence.
Holly Springs Miss Monday March 1st 1852.
The twenty ninth of February has once more rolled past and ushered in another month where will the unworthy writer of this be when the next twenty ninth comes round? What will then be her hopes and prospects? Where will then be all her now fondly anticipated hopes? Disipated [sic.] as the morning mist? Or as the sparkling dew or April cloud? Four more years may tell a serious tale for many a now happy heart! Four more years will launch many an unthinking one into an awful eternity! Four more years will witness many a diserted [sic.] hearth stone and bear into eternity many a heartrending sigh from the depth of broken hearts! how another [month] March with its [illegible word] winds to be succeeded by her weeping smiling sister April. Today Aunt Mat has been quite indisposed and the Doctor came and bled her. Wrote one letter home to Dr Walker and one to [I. King?]
Holly Springs Miss March 2nd 1852
“My Birthday.” When these two words are heard immediately the question arises “how old” yes how old just twenty 3 years of old today: too old for one who has made so little progress in the essential things for those who have a hope beyond the tomb. twenty-three [sic.] years have rolled their successive rounds and what have they bourn to an endless eternity. Just fourteen years ago today I was a little girl a lady an[d] gentleman were at my Father’s that day the lady was eighteen and I was nine. in [sic.] the afternoon a beautiful little wild fruit tree was planted out to be [illegible word] in commemoration of that Birthday. Years ago the house here we were then all happy was torn from its foundations by the hurling tornado, and the beautiful tree torn up by the roots and blown far away to wither and die. Two years after that birthday where was that aniversary [sic.] celebrated? In the lovely [or lonely?] wilds of Texas. my [sic.] family cast among strangers and buffeting with the rude minds of adversity which within the last years had chosen us as its victims. but [sic.] then I was a child misfortune had no effect on my young and joyous spirits adversity could not drown the rising and [elastic?] joys of my girlhood’s days. and [sic.] as
the only daughter I was nurtured with all the care and tenderness possible in our circumstances. and [sic.] every advantage of education in that country was procured Two years more and what? Still the joyous girl ever weaving bright fancys [sic.] for the future, ever mingling with the happy joyous ones in our flourishing institution and though often the clash of arms and [din] of was was [sic.] almost within our hearing yet the same boyent [sic.] ones were there and within these last two years many more the youthful pleasures we indulged in, and at one time I was the chosen Queen of May. and [sic.] often since the question has arisen within my own mind wherefore was I the elect for beautiful I was not. and [sic.] I could not assume the perogative [sic.] of being supreme in amiability and others I believed equal in intellect. still [sic.] all these were events and now these two years had [rolled] up and we were assembled to celebrate the anniversary of the independence of our glorious little Republic. many [sic.] were the happy faces there that day. both [sic.] male and female departments of the College were assembled there that day. Two years more rolled on and the same quiet converse going regularly to school, and even though the fierce minds of adversity and misfortune had long and often howled their [illegible word] in
our years still a protecting providence was there and was want suffered to enter our doors, with his pale emaciated form. Two more years winged then flight away and our circumstances were improving. I had left school and entered the lists as a Young lady, but grief had entered our dwelling the darling of all our hearts; a sweet bud of beautiful promise; a lovely creature only lent us a short time; my little angel sister was torn from us by the tyrant death. Two years again came round and another of our little flock had been added to the bright ones in heaven. and [sic.] we were far from the society of refinement thrown in the western wilds of my own sunny Texas but my books my flowers and my birds were sweet companions and many an hour has been spent in their dear companionship. Two more years found me again introduced into the gay world the society of our own vicinity had improved and this birthday I had gay lively interesting young friends for my companions and in the lovely little Lavaca many hailed me as their friend. Two years more and What I Again have trod the state of my maturity I again have seen faces familiar to my childhood! again [sic.] near relatives have greeted my coming.
When I retrospect my life many incidents and scenes are impressed on the tablet of memory never never to be erased. The playmates of my childhood, the companions of my girlhood the assosiates [sic.] of my school days the friends of my womanhood all arise before me and each in turn fill some station in my mind some are now surrounded by their own families other are still sporting of the [stillit?] [illegible word] of celibacy’s entrancing stream, while others are lying among the cold ones of earth. The wild and joyous Celia. gone [sic.] to her Happy home above; the noble and serious Nancy Kirk has left her young friends and devoted young [illegible word] resting places and many others are gone to their final resting places and O how soon may the finger now pening [sic.] this also be stiff in the embrace of the [fed?] monsters band and darling boy to mourn her loss. The gay and witty Georgianna and tellented [sic.] and matchless William M [illegible word] laid side by side in their [illegible word]
H.S. Wednesday March 3rd 1852
Nothing of interest transpired today. Uncle still gardening.
Thursday March 4th
The morning spent as usual and in the afternoon had just received two letters from my dear mother and one from one ever dear. which [sic.] cheered me exceedingly while reading them a gentleman and lady call on me Mr and Mrs Starkes.
Friday March 5th
Hard rain all the morning. I have been a little indisposed today. in [sic.] the afternoon the weather became more clear. Lucy Jane Holland spent the day with us.
Saturday March 6th
Spent the day as usual reading some and sewing some.
Sabbath March 7th
Aunt Matilda to [sic.] much indisposed to allow of my attendance at church.
Monday March 8th
Nothing of interest transpired today.
Tuesday March 9th As usual.
Wednesday “” 10th
Spent the morning writing and in the afternoon walked to town went to several stores and returned one call. Mr. Smith was so kind as to go to the PO for me
and brought me one letter from one distant O how much pleased should I be to see that one.
Thursday March 11th
Been busily engaged all day and tonight feel very much fatigued but though the body is exhausted yet the active mind cannot be dormant and [illegible word] takes flight to one who is at this moment attending a wedding where are merry happy faces. and [sic.] where he can feel cheerful. O that I could see him when the [illegible word] of mirth are thrown around him. so [sic.] very sleepy that I cannot sit up any longer even to finish a letter to that loved one. almost [sic.] went to sleep at prayers. Today Uncle and Annie made a visit some twelve miles in the country. Friday March 12th
Spent today writing to distant loved friends among whom was one ever present to my waking thoughts and often my sleeping ones.
Saturday March 13th
Arose early and after breakfast prepared to go to town with the fond anticipation of getting letters from those most loved and [illegible word]. just [sic.] as I was putting on my bonnet a heavy shower of rain decended [sic.] for which I postponed my walk until the afternoon when I started but was almost tempted to return several times
by the severity of the wind which rendered it exceedingly unpleasant walking but the hope of getting letters urged me to proceed and after arriving at Mr. Johnson’s store he was kind enough to walk to the Office and true enough one dear letter came from one distant containing the recital of a “Roman dream” I returned fatigued and almost dispirited. Mr. Johnson loaned me several books one I read through that night.
Sunday March 14th
Spent the day reading to Uncle and Aunt.
Monday March 15th
All day busily employed with my needle, in the Afternoon Uncle went to town and returned with one letter from Dr. Walker accompanied by the Magazine for the month.
Tuesday March 16th
Still clear and high sunshine to gladden the earth when the sun had set and stars were coming forth I wandered out to leave the closing day and in the west dark lowering clouds purtended [sic.] a storm low-dull mutterings of distant thunder was bourn to my hearing upon every fitful gust of wing that swept through the [illegible word] branches of the tall [illegible word]. sweet [sic.] memories of distant loved ones
came to my lonely soul and unheeding the muttering threats of dame nature I continued my reveries until the supper bell rang joyously and then being joined by my aunt I returned to the home and spent the evening after tea reading aloud the Red Indians of Newfoundland.
Wednesday March 17th
After a delightful night’s rest I arose to find that the rain had been heavy the preceding night though now it had abated spent the morning at various little occupations and in the afternoon had just commenced a small piece of work and as my aunt was resting having sunk into a quiet slumber I was indulging in a short fit of the Blues when Mrs. Andrew L. Martin and Mrs. Dr. Bonner called to see me. Although all the day had been gloomy and cloudy yet just before they left the sun came joyously forth and fortold [sic.] a moderation in the weather.
Thursday March 18th
The weather still cold. My aunt so much indisposed to send for a Physician in the afternoon who remains all night.
My aunt still indisposed Mrs. Anderson and Mrs. [Bonnell?] call in the afternoon. Saturday 20th Mrs. Alexander Mrs. Starkes, Mrs. & Miss Long Miss [Mary] & Mrs. Holland & Mrs. Hoskins called today
Sunday March 21st Holly Springs 1852
This morning awoke with the agreeable sensation always attending sweet refreshing dreams such as cheered by sleeping moments last night. A loved one appeared to me and greeted me with the same genial smile ever ready to play upon those features when I am near. that [sic.] same protecting arm encircled my waist, as if to shield my form from any danger and oft that proud head was bent to bestow the fond tender kiss to my burning temples. O why do I defer the time of our happiness? Why not at once have a consummation of that which will save him “many a pang” but it seems that I am impelled by some unseen hand and compelled to submit but now I do believe that I will consent for him to write immediately to my parents and then have our fondly dreamed of Union consummation. After breakfast spent the time reading to my Aunt until dinner after which I was enveloped in the misty veil of the sleeping god who wound the heavy folds around me until a couple of ladies called Mrs. Faulkner and Mrs. Dr. Walker who spent the remainder of the afternoon with us when they started I accompanied them in a walk nearly half way to town returned just in time for supper. have [sic.] spent the time since reading and now at 11 o’clock for bed trust to hope pleasant dreams again.
Monday March 22nd 1852
This morning was aroused very early by my Uncle who wished me to go to my Aunt who was indisposed In the afternoon a young “Californian” arrived here who was cordially greeted and has every attention bestowed upon him to render his stay comfortable. Mrs. Falconer came out to spend the night with us and render her aid in attending the youngster and his Mother.
Today have been cheered by two letters from my absent Dr. Walker. though [sic.] one of them rendered me a little sad but I trust that one day all will be well and nothing to mar the peace of one I would sacrifice much to render happy. but [sic.] he believes me indifferent and perhaps he will never know the wild throbbings [sic.] of this devoted heart and all that I have so long resisted every argument of his for our immediate union was that when he takes me under his protecting arm and to his confiding heart, that I might go with a conscience void of offence that our happiness should not be mared [sic.] by a single pang of mine in not having done my duty towards my doting parents Heaven grant that all may yet be right. and [sic.] he will yet know my heart.
Wednesday March 24th 1852
Today two young ladies called on me Miss Anderson and Miss Jenkins Miss A I found to be a very intelligent young lady being a graduate of the Female Institute of this place.
This evening received a letter from Oxford pened [sic.] by my Uncle Samuel King and containing a remittance from home, heard from him that there had been a recent arrival there too of a young foreigner.
Today Mrs. Alderson called: a very pleasant lady
Busily engaged all morning and in the afternoon accompanied by Annie made a shopping tour to town made several purchases. and [sic.] on my return found that two ladies had called. retired [sic.] early and did not arise until late being disturbed several times during the night.
After breakfast made my toilet to attend church where I was accompanied by my Uncle, and heard Mr. Rob preach from the.
Monday March 29th
In the afternoon returned Mrs. Dr. Bonner’s call found her at home and the Doctor also who is a very pleasant agreeable gentleman. went [sic.] to Mr. Smith’s store and he went to the P.O. for me and brought me a letter from my own absent one.
Today returned Miss Anderson’s call but the afternoon was too unfavorable to make any others so I spent the remainder of the day at work.
Spent the morning sewing and part of the afternoon writing this evening sent to the office a letter to one more near to me than aught else on earth beside.
Holly Springs April 1st 1852 Thursday
Nothing of interest transpires today.
April 2nd Friday
Very busy all day and felt very sad that I received no letters from absent ones.
After breakfast accompanied by Annie and a servant I again went shopping and bought several expensive articles and was caught in a shower
Sabbath April 4th 1852
This morning too unfavorable to attend church and here I sit first reading a letter yesterday from a distant one and then pondering over its contents and now writing to while a few of the tedious moments away until I shall again see that loved being. His letters still breathe the pure attachment of a loving devoted soul and how can I let pass unheeded his earnest solicitations for our speedy union. Heaven grant that I may do nothing but what is right and preserve me from error. The day has passed off rather gloomily only while I was writing to an absent one finished his letter and must now prepare to retire.
Monday April 5th 1852
Today has been quite cold and disagreeable this evening Miss Johnson one of the teachers in the College came home with Jane.
Tuesday April 6th
All day I suffered most excruciating pain in my head accompanied with great sickness and as I tossed from side to side longed for the presence of one more loved than all others to soothe me to rest.
Wednesday April 7th
Arose this morning much relieved but still feeble in the afternoon. [Mrs.?] Anderson came to accompany me in returning a call. we [sic.] walked about a mile and a half and I returned much fatigued.
Thursday April 8th
This morning made a tour to town received a letter from a loved one an [sic.] one from cousin [Asgal]. did [sic.] some shopping and returned home.
Friday April 9th 1852
Today has been bright and cloudless in the afternoon I dressed to return calls and walked to town returned four calls repaired home and arranged my dress to meet several students from the Institute and College. and [sic.] went to [Mr.?] Long’s where what was my astonishment to see several characters far beneath and of very questionable characters when I returned home and told my Aunt who were [sic.] there and she gave me the characters of each the blood of insulted pride arose within me and I have now only to see some one of the family to let them know my sentiments on the subject. the [sic.] calls made today were to Mrs. Falconer Mrs. Walker Mrs. Starkes and [Bordman] and Mrs. Alderson. sent [sic.] a letter to the [illegible] to a loved one
Saturday April 10th 1852
Remained at home all day half sick with mortification at the thought of the company I was in last night
Today attended church and heard the Rev. Thomas Boswell preach, and partook with the children of God the holy sacriment [sic.]
Remained at home all day received a letter from Dr. Walker still urging a speedy compliance to his wishes and in accordance to those wishes I think that tomorrow I will write to my parents communicating our feelings and desires.
Today I have written to my parents making a full avowal of all that has passed between Dr. Walker and myself. with [sic.] a request that they will consent to our union. A copy of the letter
My dear Parents
It is with a great deal of trepidation I commence this letter this morning as it will contain a communication of, and request the compliance to a matter which I know has been heretofore contrary to your
feelings but which I trust you will consider religiously, prayerfully and conscientiously; It is that there has an attachment grown up between Dr. Walker and myself which is as strong and lasting as death and which in the inscrutable ways of an all seeing Providence I believe was unavoidable. it [sic.] has terminated in an engagement and we only await your decision to consummate our wishes. You my dear parents may think that there was something of this going on in our correspondence before I left my home, but I do pledge you my word as a christian that not a hint of such a character had ever passed between us, for on the contrary we had mutually expressed our aversion to such matches and after my arrival here we both struggled hard to get the mastery of our feelings but finding all our attempts fruitless we entered into an engagement which I now believe has been ordered by my Heavenly Father, and I know you both believe in the Providence of God, and you have but to look back at the circumstances of the last few years which have brought about this thing beginning with the Jenkins’ correspondence which was the indirect cause of a correspondence commencing between Dr. Walker and myself. and [sic.] look too at the way little incidents which have since caused a meeting. We have both been labouring [sic.] under the most harrowing
suspense regarding your approbation of the measure and I have only delayed communicating our wishes to you until we should all meet again, but at his urgent solicitations you now have a full avowal, and I trust you will express no disapprobation to our union, for though I have arrived at the age at which all persons are awarded the privilege of thinking and acting for themselves in such matters yet I do solemnly avow that without your consent I will never marry, even though it should cause me to go broken hearted to the grave, and I do assure you my love for my cousin is stronger than my life, and I believe his for me is equally as strong for you both well know that ambition is his second nature and his spirit has long reveled in the atmosphere of pinnacled fame and all his former exertions have been to attain that end, but he now firmly avows that were it my wish he would walk in the dark shades of obscurity if only permitted to walk by my side and forever lie in my presence. but [sic.] such is not my wish; for it was that exalted ambition which awoke the spark in my bosom and those able and towering talents which cultivated and kindled that spark to a flame, and that mind so congenial in sentiment and feeling to my own, which cemented an attachment which grows stronger and stronger each
succeeding day. My own Dear parents do remember that in making your decision you have the happiness of two immortal beings in your hands, and not only the happiness but perhaps the usefulness of one of the most gifted ones which the earth can boast, for in Dr. Walker are centered all the attributes to make a useful man, but I do believe if he is now disappointed in this his fondest hope that his usefulness will be confined to a narrow circle, and perhaps tallents [sic.] which would otherwise rise and tower in the galaxy of great ones be forever bueried [sic.]. I submit it all to you but not until I believed I had the sanction of my Heavenly Father for I struggled hard to uproot the feeling in my heart, but after prayerfully considering it I believed it all directed [illegible word] but would wish to have your approval; for without the smiles of approbation from two so loved as you are; and you too who would make any sacrifice for my enjoyment, I fear I could never be happy though possessing the chosen of my heart. Remember this has not been entered into hastily, for we both have consulted the scriptures, celebrated divines, and asked the opinion of ministers of the Gospel relative to cousins marrying, and they all agree that there is no wrong attached to it, and I do believe that if there was our Heavenly Father would never implant
feelings in our bosoms which would lead to that end. If you decide in our favor there will be a consummation of our fondest, dearest hopes, immediately after the reception of your answer to this, which I trust will be immediate for we do not wish the least hint of the affair to reach the ears of any of the relatives at Oxford until afterwards, and we have no one in our confidence but Uncle S and Aunt Mathilda D. who are both highly pleased with Dr. Walker (who has visited me once since my stay here) and wish me to let the marriage take place with them, and then I shall go to Spring Dale where we will remain until November when Dr. W will go to Texas. Do my loved parents reproach me not for this and love cousin [Min] as your own son. for [sic.] I assure you he is worthy and no doubt one day will occupy a place which will render you proud at the thought of his being your Daughter’s chosen. My dear parents do consider the subject of this letter and answer it immediately in accordance to my wishes. Dr. Walker would write to you on the same subject did he know that I had at last consented to do so. Write two letters on the subject one immediate succeeding the other that there may be no failure in the communication.
Holly Springs April 14th Wednesday
Today has been cloudy and in the afternoon when I was finishing some writing to be ready to make a visit to town the rain came pattering down and continued during the afternoon. About five o’clock a step was heard on the front steps and little Annie came running telling us that Brother Walker had come, my heart told in a moment who the visitor was and after I had retired sufficient time to compose my fluttering heart I appeared in his presence who after the greeting over communicated an opportunity of company in the stage to Oxford I immediately concluded to embrace the opportunity and was soon making buisy [sic.] preparations for leaving, he returned to town to procure a buggy to convey me to the hotel and in a few hours I once more found myself by his side driving towards town, where we arrived about nine o’clock after receiving an introduction to Mr. [Casater] the Gent with whom I was to come we sat until a late hour in sweet converse and retired to take a few hours rest before our respective journeys. Dr. Walker for Memphis and I for Oxford.
April 15th Thursday
Started this morning at three o’clock and drove on in high spirits the stage having several very pleasant passengers one of the gentlemen was on his way to meet his ladie [sic.] love where they were to have the sacred hymeneal knot tied which would be a consummation of their fondest most [darling] hopes. The gent was named Davidson Cousin to Lucy D Texas. Stage stoped [sic.] at ten for breakfast and at eleven I was set down at my Uncle’s in the suburbs of Oxford. all [sic.] were glad to see me [illegible word] the day has been rather gloomy and in the afternoon I indulged in a long Siesta. after [sic.] Tea I accompanied the boys and Jane to the Singing at the Methodist Church.
Oxford Friday April 16th 1852
Today has rolled away rather tardily until in the afternoon I walked to the stores and after my return the Misses Carder called and with agreeable conversation caused sometime [sic.] to pass away very pleasantly
Nothing of interest transpired today.
Oxford Sunday 18th 1852
This morning arose with the cheering heart thrilling thought of seeing one ever present to my thoughts before night. After breakfast I dressed and at the singing of the bell repaired to church where I heard the Rev. Mr. preach a most excellent sermon. Returned to dinner after which I indulged in a short siesta. Mr. Vinyard a young gent preparing for the ministry called and before he left the one more dear to me than all others rode up on his gallant black. about [sic.] sundown we walked to the graveyard where were the tokens of the silent inhabitants of that lonely place. there [sic.] I saw the last resting place of my revered and aged Grand Father. during [sic.] the walk we had many moments of sweet converse and returned just in time for tea after which we attended church to hear the same minister who preached in the morning. after [sic.] our return Dr. Walker and I had many moments of happiness in each others society but had they been prolonged to an eternity they would have lost none their [sic.] charm. at [sic.] a late hour we retired.
Monday April 19th 1852 Oxford
This day has been rainy and the whole face of nature covered with gloom and my own feelings were doubly so for the light of my life was gone and a long week and possibly more is to pass without again being cheered by his presence.
Tuesday April 20th
Still unfavorable weather so much so that I could not attend church this evening to hear the first sermon of a series to be delivered by Rev. Dr. Porter on astronomy.
Wednesday April 21st
Today have been cheered by a letter form one ever dear with the promise if possible of coming Saturday to see me. Attended after tea church where I heard Dr. Porter preach on from the text with astronomical illustrations. He is very eloquent and handles his subject very ably.
Thursday April 22nd
Nothing of interest transpired today only in the evening again attended church and heard the Providence of God discovered on astronomically considered.
Friday April 23rd
Very buisily [sic.] engaged during the day and attended church in the evening and heard another of the series.
Saturday April 24th Oxford
Employed all day. about [sic.] nine o’clock my brother who is at Spring Dale came to see me bring a dear letter form my absent Love. in [sic.] which he promised to take tea by my side in the evening after I had finished my employments I commenced making my toilet to meet one so dear, and before finishing he arrived. and [sic.] at tea we were seated together, afterwards we attended church together.
Sunday April 25th Oxford
After Breakfast spent some time in the company of one ever dear until time to dress for church after which ceremony we started at the first ringing of the bell to be in time to get seats. The sermon was delivered by Dr. Porter on the location of heaven astronomically considered from the second chap of Matthew–part of the ninth verse. after [sic.] the discourse the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper was administered During the service I was very sick and thought several times I should be compelled to leave the house. After dinner my headache increased in violence until I was compelled to go to my room. Where I remained and when my own loved one was about leaving he came and spent about a half hour with me almost making me forget my pain while basking in the sunshine of his smiles. but [sic.] he had to leave and then I felt the pain of separation from one whose presence brought relief after he was gone I suffered exceedingly with my head until near night I arose and prepared to attend church at the earnest solicitations one I loved more than my own life, that I might communicate to him the substance of the discourse, the subject being
the location of Hell astronomically considered the text was in . The sermon was very interesting and opened the way for many pleasing reflections.
Monday April 26th
Again nothing of interest transpires during the day at night again attend church and hear the Wisdom of Duty discoursed upon.
Tuesday April 27th
Today been employed and received one call. attended [sic.] church in the evening to hear the concluding sermon. thought [sic.] it did not properly belong to the astronomical series as it was an address to young men. I noticed his deffinition [sic.] of [illegible word] was the [illegible word] of one I received in a letter a few days before.
Wednesday April 28th
Remained at home until dinner and received a letter from my absent loved one and in the afternoon after a long siesta went out to make a call
Thursday April 29th 1852
Buisy [sic.] all day and had the company of Miss Worley, and in the evening went to the singing.
Employed all day making a garment for my Brother In the afternoon it rained and after dark the rain came down in torrents accompanied by considerable hail. today [sic.] received a letter from Dr. W
Saturday May 1st 1852 Oxford
I arose earlier than usual and wrote a letter to one who can elicit a letter at midnight hours if I was deprived of all the other time to devote to his pleasure or happiness. After Breakfast seeing my Uncle [Slocking?] lime I went to where he was and soon several others of the family gathered around a while standing there it exploded and then a quantity of the lime in Sarah’s face and burning one arm considerably thought the injury is now found to be much less than suffered about her face and eyes. I have been buisy [sic.] all day and received no letters from my own home as expected.
Sunday May 2nd 1852
Another Sabbath is here and no loved one now to attend me to church O that he could be ever near.
Sabbath bells were not heard to ring and I was all dressed to go to church an thinking that they might possibly ring without my hearing them I repaired to town to find that I was disappointed returned home ate dinner and took my usual siesta after which I arose read some then dressed and walked with my cousins to the Grave yard seeing many a monument raised to the memory of those long mouldering [sic.] in their tombs. returned [sic.] to supper and received a letter from my own loved Dr. Walker. the [sic.] soul cheering effects of that letter are not to be described O that I could be ever with one possessing such noble thoughts such devotion After tea attended church at the Methodist church and heard the Rev. Mr. [Kennedy] preach
Monday May 3rd
Nothing of interest transpired today but that I have been very buisly [sic.] employed.
Tuesday May 4th 1852
This morning sent a letter to the office in answer to the one received from one distant but ever present to my mind at dinner time I was a little disappointed that he did not make his appearance if only to remain with me but an hour. I received three letters from home and have just answered them in one I again attempted the picture the position that Dr. Walker and I stand: it ran thus
My Dear parents
No doubt ere this you have received letters from Dr. Walker and myself relative to a matter involving our happiness and to which I prayerfully trust you will five your willing consent, as truly the belief rests on my mind that it has all been ordered by the hand of Providence for I assure you the struggle was a severe one between my affections and my prejudices; but finding it all useless I at last consented in my own mind to that which one year ago I should have laughed to [illegible word] but the [illegible word] talents, the high resolves, the noble ambition, the profound research, the refined and exalted sentiments, of such a mind as find in dwelling in Dr. Walker could not fail to win the attention, respect, and even Love of any
lady of soul, sentiment, refinement, or mind. Such a mind I have always coveted such a soul I have always longed to call my own, and such devotion is seldom found as his for me. he [sic.] evinces the greatest anxiety relative to your reply to our letters, for he has heard me say that without your consent I would never marry, and his suspense is so great that it pains me to hear him express his fears and he says that should you object and I do not change my resolves he will not remain in the United States two months longer than his business can be arranged that he can leave and I believe him; for I had often thought it would be pleasant to be the object of such devotion but never imagined until now that it was my exalted lot to create such to so great a degree, and I do not believe that there ever could be one more congenial in sentiments tastes, and literary [permits] than he, and you both know that I have never been attracted by the glare and [illegible word] of wealth or fame where intellect was wanting, and only tallent [sic.], refinement, intellect energy and a praiseworthy ambition could win my attention; in him I have all these. I believe the family here begins to believe matters are arranged between us
and I do not think it unfavorably looked upon. Uncle [Sam D] was very much pleased, and he and Aunt Matilda both said that they had never seen two more congenial in mind and better suited to contribute to each others happiness. Your daughter
I trust all will go well with them and that our happiness will be complete in a few weeks when will the object of all my thoughts come? when [sic.] can I again dwell under his smiles? when hear the tones of his own voice? I trust tomorrow.
Wednesday May 5th
Still the object of all my day dreams has not been here but today received a letter from his own hand.
Thursday May 6th
Today have making buisy [sic.] preparations for the girls to attend the May party Jane went out collecting flowers and returned with a most beautiful collection. Mrs. Isom sending me word that she had her most beautiful ones in [reserve] for me.
Friday May 7th
After assisting Jane and Sarah at their toilet I arranged my own to attend the Picnic dinner given by the students of the Female Academy and liberally contributed to by the students of the College
when I arrived in the grove where the table was spread with every variety of delicacy I found that dinner [illegible word] hurried and that some had already gone but several gentlemen soon found me at place at the table and I was well attended during my repast after dinner all retired to the Academy where we were refreshed by sweet strains of Music and the passing hours were enlivened by cheerful conversation several speeches were called for but as the gentlemen called upon were those engaged in conversation with the ladies the[y] all declined, one going on the staging remarked that was he to speak on female education he could say no more than they all knew consequently he could say nothing new and as he thought they were all engaged in a manner to cultivate the social virtues [properly] hoped they would allow him the privilege of doing the same and with a bow and the cheers of the house took his seat by the side of my pretty cousin Jane. and [sic.] soon was in conversation with her Mr. Barney was then called upon he being the principal of the institution and [C.P.?] minister he arose very slowly and at last said Ladies I have been somewhat slow in answering your request of making a
speech but I do not know that I could tell you anything more than you already know, could I go back a number of years in my life and be in another state than the matrimonial perhaps I could make a speech that would interest some of you. I could speak on the education both of males and females but you know my sentiments on both I could speak on the cultivation of the finer feelings of the heart and you seem in as good a way to cultivate the social virtues this evening as I could tell you. Now the subject I am most interested in is education of the youth of both sexes and railroads, and after I would recommend you to cultivate your minds the finer feelings of the heart the social virtues then I would advise you to frown on all the young Gentlemen who would not five half their hearts and hands and all their money to railroads.” [Illegible word] this he resumed his seat amidst the cheers and showers of Bouquets where thrown from all directions about four o’clock we all adjourned. This morning before leaving for the dinner I recieved [sic.] a letter from one ever welcome with a promise to visit me tomorrow evening. In the evening attended singing.
Saturday May 8th 1852 Oxford
Was very buisyly [sic.] employed all day. in [sic.] the afternoon arranged my toilet with the expectation of seeing one who had promised to come about sundown; sundown came and still my eyes were not greeted by one look from those beaming eyes: tea was over and still he was not here the girls started to singing but I declined going until Asgal came to persuade me and at last I yielded to his solicitations but while there could think of nothing but one who I thought had disappointed me but on my return home found that true to his promise he had come through detained by his buisness [sic.] later than he anticipated. we [sic.] sat several hours indulging in fond hope for the future but who can tell when to be realized.
Sunday May 9th 1852
This morning was cheered by the presence of Dr. Walker but a few short moments when he took his leave to return to his practice after breakfast not feeling disposed to go to church I retired to my room where I lay down with a book but was soon ranging the Poppy groves of Somnus and continued my rambling until all had returned from church and I was told that company was in the parlor after dressing
and going down I met Mr. Henderson and Mr. Stainback two University students who spent the afternoon with us, during the time Mr. Worley came bringing my the Poems by Amelia on the evening I attended services in the [C.P.?] church.
Monday May 10th
Nothing of importance transpired today.
Tuesday May 11th
The same sent a letter to the Office to go to S.D.
Wednesday May 12th
Anxiously expected a letter today at twelve o’clock but was sadly disappointed but in the evening there was one [came] which compensated me for all my distress at not getting one in the morning.
Thursday May 13th
Today spent the day with Mrs. Wyatt and called on Miss. Hudson in the afternoon returned home in a shower of rain.
Again received a letter from Spring Dale with a promise of [two illegible words] tomorrow evening. quite [sic.] indisposed all day. but [sic.] in the evening I arranged my toilet to attend the singing where the hours passed very agreeably until dismissed. I was attended home by a Mr. Wilson one of the college students.
Engaged during the morning and in the afternoon feeling indisposed retired to get some sleep after which I arranged my toilet for the evening. I then called on several sick persons and returned to tea after which I again went to see a sick lady and child and had returned but a short time before Dr. Walker came he had not been here long before he was sent for to see a sick infant. after [sic.] his return we spent several hours in communion.
Sunday May 16th
Dr. Walker remained until after breakfast and then returned to his practice. I then employed myself reading and writing until time to dress for church. I attended the old Presbyterian church and heard the Rev. Dr. Waddle preach returned to dinner and about sundown took a long walk with [Irvin] in the evening attended church and heard the same minister.
Monday May 17th
Nothing of interest today. I have been very buisy [sic.]
Tuesday May 18th
Wrote a letter this morning to one who will today look for one from me and tomorrow I shall look for one from him.
Wednesday May 19th
Engaged all morning with my needle in the afternoon after taking my usual siesta arranged my toilet to visit Old Mr. and Mrs. [Shives]. the [sic.] parents of my friend in Texas. Met Mrs. [Dill] there and spent quite a pleasant afternoon. Today received a letter from one absent. After tea wrote a letter to him. who [sic.] can always elicit one from me.
Thursday May 20th
In the morning rather cool but shortly after breakfast recieved [sic.] a call from Mrs. Dill in the afternoon was taken violently sick and was [illegible word] to send to town for my Uncle who went for the Doctor but learning that he was absent returned and administered something himself. but [sic.] I suffered exceedingly until late at night when the opiates caused me to sink into a profound slumber from which I did not awake until morning.
Still continued weak and debilitated through the day and not able to attend a concert in the evening but had a very pleasant young lady who spent time with me.
Saturday May 22nd
Spent the greater part of the day practicing on the Melodion in the afternoon enjoyed my usual siesta and then arranged my toilet to attend the singing where I enjoyed myself very much.
Sunday May 23rd
Today attending the [Me?] church where I heard the Rev. Mr. Longstreet preach. attended [sic.] again in the evening and heard Rev. Mr. Roberds.
Buisily [sic.] employed making Brother a coat and after tea practiced on the Melodion [sic.] and wrote part of a letter to Dr. Walker.
Teusday [sic.] 25th
Finished my letter and sent it to the office and continued my employments until in the afternoon when I was again attacked by sickness and was compelled to go to bed.
Employed in the morning and after tea attended a concert to hear the blind vocalist this morning the girls attended the party given at the infant school.
Saturday May 29th
Employed in the morning and about dinner the clouds came down in torrents and in the afternoon I anticipated a visit from Dr. Walker who wrote to me the day before that he intended visiting that evening, after my toilet was completed and I had taken my seat to read I saw him coming. we [sic.] sat together until tea time after which we attended a concert returned and spent the remainder of the evening very agreeably together.
Did not attend church but remained at home and read to Grandma.
Remained at home in the morning and went out calling in the afternoon and did a little shopping.
Tuesday June 1st
In the afternoon went to Mr. [Worleys] where I spent several hours Miss Martha returned with me.
Remained at home all day received a letter from Dr. Walker.
Thursday 3rd of June
After breakfast went shopping and returned home to make preparations for going to Grenada shortly afterwards two ladies came to spend the day. one [sic.] assisted me with my work.
In the morning made preparations for my visit and by two o’clock accompanied by Irvin I was on my way to Spring Dale where we were to remain for the night the time passed slowly away and anxiously I looked for the valley where I expected to meet the loved of my soul. we [sic.] arrived there at five o’clock and him I loved was sick though for my sake sat up most of the evening. about [sic.] ten o’clock we separated for the night.
Arose early this morning and soon made my toilet for breakfast. where [sic.] I met my own loved one though he told me that he was feeling worse than a blowed up steamboat. after [sic.] breakfast we started to Grenada the place of my early childhood. Dr. Walker accompanied us six miles there we parted but I hope will meet soon again during the ride with him passed over many scenes we had wittnessed [sic.] together before.
Irvin and I traveled on passing through Coffeeville and arriving at Grenada about five o’clock in the afternoon, in passing through town I recognized many places which were once familiar to my eyes but when drawing near the place where once stood the residence of my father and where I had often frolicked in the child’s joyousness and glee; and found that it was reduced to a barren waste my heart heaved with melancholly [sic.] emotions, there was nothing to relieve the eye on that place where once stood my father’s house and towered stately oaks, but two [Lycasmere?] trees which had been planted by my parents’ hands these stood seemingly as sad mementos of the past. When I arrived at Mr. Sims I was welcomed cordially by all the family as a near relative. found [sic.] Valina Mitchell once an associate in my younger day now a widow and again with her Aunt, found Cynthia grown from a little girl to an intelligent sprightly young lady. Uncle Sims and Aunt Harriet have eight children. Mary Eliza King now at Columbus on a visit. Maria Mathilda an inteligent [sic.] girl of fourteen Sophia Antoinette about ten years old. Helen Elizabeth eight years old, George Agustus [sic.] Fletcher five years
old. Lorenzo Bartlett Davis, three years old. Eugene Hilman about eight months old, all are very promising children. and [sic.] this is one of the happiest families I’m acquainted with. Cynthia [illegible word], a niece of Aunt Harriet is living here also Valina and two of my cousins. Virginia Amelia Davidson twelve years old 25th of Feb. Fidelia Annette Davidson ten years old 15th of April. all [sic.] are here living in harmony and after Thomas [Cambers] came up after tea the evening was spent in cheerful conversation and [relieved] by strains of music called forth by the fingers of my sweet friend Cynt and some of the smaller girls. retired [sic.] at a late hour.
Sunday 6th June
Arose this morning and the first scene that presented itself upon looking out of my windows was the desolate hill where once stood the residence of my father and where oft’ in childish glee I had romped upon the green [illegible word] but now not a vestige of the former home remained and only two beautiful trees which were planted by my parents hands remained to tell of past scenes, and long gone days of joy and happiness I was not dressed to be in the Parlor in time
for prayers but when breakfast was ready all were assembled around the hospitable table of my friends where all enjoyed the cheerful conversation as much as the wholesome repast. After breakfast all the younger ones of the family repaired to Sabbath School. I retired to arrange my dress for church, while in my room an old acquaintance of my mother’s came to see me; when I entered the room where she was I was received with the utmost joy and had to answer many questions relative to those at home. Learned there was no divine service and remained at home in the afternoon. Mrs. Ford and Miss Berry called, and I certainly do not admire the manners of the former lady and think her by no means an exemplary wife for a minister of the Gospel.
Monday June 7th
Today have been employed with my needle until in the afternoon when I went with Cousin Valina Mitchell Cousin Cynthia Cousin Irvin and Mrs. [illegible word] fishing caught a few minnows and returned wearied and retired early to bed. during [sic.] my absence Mrs. Devaney and Mrs. [Harris] called.
Tuesday June 8th
This morning Irvin started home with a letter to one I love as myself and a beauguet [sic.] spent the morning with Cinthia [sic.] and in the afternoon Mr. Bole and Mrs. Black called.
Wednesday June 9th
Went this morning shopping saw several persons while on the street who I had seen before. returned [sic.] to find a lady waiting to see me. Mrs. Howard she insisted on my spending part of my time while here with her; during my walk in the morning in the milerner’s [sic.] store I met one of Ma’s dearest friends Mrs. Coffman she claimed part of my visit and said she would call soon. In the afternoon Mrs. Pain Miss Pain and Miss Gibbs came in to see me. all [sic.] were rendered dear to me by remembrances of former days.
This morning employed writing to my dear parents in the afternoon Mrs. Coffman and Mrs. [illegible word] called to see me also Mrs. Bingham, Mrs. G and Mrs. C as usual had many inquiries to make of my dear home ones and sent their love to those loved ones.
Friday June 11th
Remained at home all day and was not favored by a call Cynthia and I amused ourselves talking of our anticipated happiness in the society of the loved of our hearts. late [sic.] in the evening when the shades of twilight were thrown around I wandered forth over spots often before pressed by my childhood feet and with heart oreflowing [sic.] with grief to see the desolate place where once dwelt my loved parents I wandered one and soon found myself at an enclosure which I found to be the place for the dead. I crossed over and soon stood beside the tomb of one of my mother’s friends, Mrs. Fitzgerald passing around I read the inscription on the stone that covered the remains of Mrs. Portivent another of those who were loved by my dear parent.
Saturday June 12th
Today have spent in the society of Miss Gibbs and her family was received with every testimony of regard by my old friends and the day passed off most agreeably while there. Today left a letter from me to Dr. Walker appointing the time for our
union but I already see that I have made the time too short and will write the next mail to change it.
Sunday June 13th
Attended church today and saw many persons who had been my playmates in my girlhood hours but they were filling the important stations allotted to woman; they were now wives and mothers the reflection often arose within my own bosom of my own anticipated union and prayers that my anticipated happiness should be fully realized arose to a throne on high.
Monday June 14th
Today have been employed assisting Aunt Sims with her work in which she will be hurried without assistance as she is making preparations for the examinations and has several children to get ready. After tea Cousin [illegible word] and I have been engaged writing letters, I to my distant Love and she to Mary Eliza King to get her home by the 22nd of July at which time I think of changing my life of single blessedness to one I hope of double happiness the Lord in his mercy spare me the misery that may [illegible word] in that state. Mrs. Hunley to spend the day here today.
Tuesday June 15th
Spent the day busily employed with my needle and retired at an early hour to dream of absent loved ones and in anticipation of dear fond letters from Dr. Walker.
Wednesday June 16th
Arose earlier than usual and as soon as I had finished my toilet sought Uncle Sims who gave me a letter from my own loved one who was ever ready to cheer me with his fond letters. I read it with my usual interest but was grieved to know that all the joy he described as then enjoying from my appointment of the day to celebrate our nuptials would be dampened when he should receive my last letter requesting a postponement of two weeks. In the afternoon I went out making calls and retired with violent headache. but [sic.] endured it all to write a letter in answer to the one received this morning.
Thursday June 17th
Remained at home all day with Valina who had hurt her foot with the walk of Yesterday and in the evening we managed to take a short walk returned home and retired early to our rooms.
Friday June 18th
Busily engaged all the morning assisting Valina Mitchell with a piece of work she was compelled to have finished in the Afternoon received calls from Mrs. Pete Mrs. Bole and the Rev. Mrs. Wells with the earnest solicitations of Mrs. Bole I accepted her invitation to accompany her home and spend the night. Cynthia going also to take a course of medicine. The evening passed off very agreeably and Mrs. Peete amused us exceedingly with funny stories and narrations of her life.
Saturday June 19th
Arose this morning much refreshed with my pleasant slumbers and sweet dreams of one I love. Cynthia was very sick during the night but was much better in the morning. At dinner time I received a letter from a distant loved one and received many words in it which went deep into my heart, reproving me for changing the day of our marriage. I answered his letter but with great difficulty as the deep grief in my heart caused it almost to burst with anguish, according to promise I again went to Dr. Peete’s to stay with Cynthia went there a Mr. and Mrs. Kendall and had a serenade after we had retired.
Sunday June 20th
Attended the Presbyterian church was invited home with Mrs. Coffman to dinner accepted the invitation and attended the same church in the afternoon and heard the Rev. Mr. McLean preach. returned [sic.] to Uncle Sim’s [sic.] after the afternoon services and retired at an early hour to rest after reading portions of the book divine which could afford any relief to my aching heart.
Monday June 21st
Arose and prepared for a days employment but was soon seized with a violent headache and was compelled to go to bed. at [sic.] dinner time Uncle Sims brought me a letter from Dr. Walker which had been brought down by a gentleman, it was less severe and the same spirit of devoted love was breathed in every line but I could detect still the remains of that feeling evinced in the one preceding. and [sic.] although my head was well nigh bursting I was resolved to finish my letter and let it go by the next morning’s mail towards evening my headache abated and I arranged my toilet to meet a particular friend of Dr. Walkers’s who had come to Grenada as Railroad Commissioner.
Teusday [sic.] June 22nd
In the morning was buisily [sic.] assisting Mrs. Sims in her preparations for her daughter’s examination which was to come off during this week. in [sic.] the afternoon dressed and went to spend the afternoon with Mrs. Galespie but finding her out I continued my walk to Mrs. Coffman’s and there met Miss Galespie she soon left and the time was very pleasantly spent with Mrs. Coffman. on [sic.] my return to Mt. Seclusion, Uncle Sims place of residence I called at Mrs. Calespie’s and at her solicitations consented to spend the night. Met the Doctor for the first time and he had many questions to ask of my parents.
Wednesday June 23rd
Spent the day with Mrs. Galespie and heard many tributes of respect paid my dear mother every one loves her memory and all are ready to contribute to her name the respect which she well merited by her plylanthropic [sic.] character. Mrs. Galespie remarked [Carrie] I suppose you have never wanted for a friend in all your life for none were more ready to [illegible word] the friendless than your long remembered parents. in [sic.] the afternoon accompanied Valina to the stores and came as far as Mrs. Peele’s where I was to set up with a sick child.
Thursday June 24th
Came home early in the morning but did not attend the examination until late in the afternoon and heard but little of the recitations then as we were situated in a distant part of the house from the students. retired [sic.] early in the evening.
Friday June 25th
Attended the examination all day and attended the exhibition in the evening. the [sic.] young ladies performed admirably on their [two illegible words] Guitar. read [sic.] some fine compositions and several graduates received their diplomas. Met today a gent from Vicksburg who I was acquainted with when a little girl he is now married to a lady who is a distant relative of mine. This evening I met Miss Irving and renewed an acquaintenship [sic.] which was formed when small school girls. after [sic.] returning home from the exhibition I was very sick for sometime but my friends administered some medicine which relieved me and caused me to fall into a sweet slumber to dream of absent loved ones. Saturday June 26th
Spent the morning at home and in the afternoon went to Mrs. Coffman’s remained until five
o’clock returned and found that Mrs. Col Mister and Miss Lake had called during my absence soon Mr. Edward Gibbs and Lady and Miss [Irvin?] came to take tea with us. the time passed off very pleasantly until time to attend church where we heard the Rev. Mr. Wells preach after services I went accompanied by Isabella Gibbs to watch with Mrs. Bole’s sick child where we sat all night.
Sunday June 27th
Started just as day was streaking the eastern horizon accompanied by Cynthia [illegible last name] and Isabella. to go home to take a little rest before time to attend church. I retired to my room and left until all had finished breakfast when I arose and eat [sic.] and then arranged my toilet and accompanied Uncle Sims and Mathilda to love feast after I had arrived at the church the enemy of souls whispered to me that there was no necessity for my speaking of the engagements of my life in the service of the blessed redeemer but while others were speaking of what had been done for them the spirit of God operated powerfully upon my mind and I felt constrained to say get behind me satan for I will testify
that I have a hope beyond the temporary things of earth and I was prompted to arise and speak of the goodness of God words were put in my mouth and when I resumed my seat my heart was overflowing and hearty prayers that those I love could enjoy the same arose and I [illegible word] reached a throne of grace wherein did reason the dispenser of all good many answer my prayers. I was then in the same community where years before my fond devoted parents had worshiped and dwelt. After love feast was over we heard a very good sermon preached by Rev Mr. Wells returned to Uncle Sims’ to dinner after which I went to Mr. Paine’s temporary residence where I met Uncle Johny Gibbs and his wife and two sons three daughters one son in law and two daughters in law and thirteen grandchildren. Miss Paine was his widowed daughter and she told me that all all [sic.] such family assembles that to her there was one vacant place and she was alone and her heart desolate. Attended church at night and returned to rest.
Monday June 28th
Today attended a dining at Mr. Wilkin’s [sic.] where I met several of my acquaintences [sic.] and was engaged in a very pleasant conversation with a very intelligent gentleman. Miss Eliza Irwin was intending to remain all night at Mr. W’s and I was prevailed to remain with her. spent [sic.] the evening very agreeably and at a late hour retired.
Teusday [sic.] June 29th
Attended home by Dr. Wilkins in a buggy all had gone to the Baptist examination after remaining a short time Valina Mitchell came and we at last [concluded?] to hear how the young [ideas?] had been [illegible word] and arrived at the church just in time to hear the conclusion. Attended again in the afternoon.
Attended the examination in the afternoon and the exhibition at night today news reached us of the death of Clay
Thursday July 1st
Today spent the day with Mrs. Howard who shows me every attention and insists on my making her house my home at any time. in [sic.] the afternoon spent a few hours with Mrs. Dr. Peete.
Friday July 2nd Grenada
Attended the funeral of Henry Clay the procession was long the music solemn and the tolling of bells thrillingly affecting. another [sic.] of the mighty ones of earth had fallen another mortal resigned to its [nature?] dust, but another immortal reigned with the blest. Mr. Nat Howard delivered a few short impressive and appropriate remarks and was followed by the discourse of the Rev. Mr. Wetherby of Holly Springs.
Saturday July 2nd
Accompanied by Valina I went to Mr. Hanby’s where was also Miss Frost and Miss Greer. [illegible word] ladies both very pleasant and the time passed very agreeably.
Sunday July 4th
Another anniversary of our great and glorious independence one year ago today I was with happy friends in Texas. now [sic.] many of us were now separated who would never meet again and some were ever now gone to their final account. oh [sic.]
what a year can bring forth, the fearful results of one year of mispent [sic.] time Oh that I could so live that my example might do some good to the immortal souls of those who are near and dear to me and who can never be happy in their sins. Today received a letter from a little brother at home and one from Dr. Walker he who I would see a devoted and constant christian.
Monday July 5th
Today have met an Uncle who I have not seen for near thirteen years. at [sic.] his request accompany him to Cousin Hugh Torrance’s where I was received with cordiality here my uncle met his two little daughters who he had not seen for several years. two [sic.] very interesting young ladies were there and my time passed pleasantly away.
Teusday [sic.] July 6th
This morning my uncle and his little daughters returned to Grenada but Cousin Hugh and his lady would not consent to my leaving them for several days they exerted themselves to make me feel perfectly at home and my time was not allowed to hang heavily on my hands.
Wednesday July 7th
Today looked for Uncle Ned and the girls to come to dinner but they did not arrive until near night they were on their way to Memphis. Cousin Frank Torrence called that evening to see me.
Thursday July 8th
This morning my Uncle and cousins left and we were again alone only my cousin and his wife and three interesting children Isabella Mary and Thomas the day passed off very pleasantly. and [sic.] in the evening Dr. Greene came retired at an early hour and after meditating on the goodness of my Heavenly Father in providing me with kind friends and offering prayers for those I love I composed myself to sleep.
Friday July 9th
This morning in my cousins’ carriage accompanied by him and his two little girls I bid adieu to his pleasant wife and residence and returned to Grenada where we arrived about 11 o’clock the distance being about fifteen miles. When in the stores Cousin Hugh presented me a handsome [fan] which cost six dollars much too extravagant for me arrived at Uncle Sim’s before dinner.
After dinner went in the carriage to the [dress?] Makers to have my bridal dress made called on Mrs. Bryerly Miss Caroline Lake spent several hours with her called on Mrs. Peete and Mrs. Galespie the last lady I found suffering considerably from salivation. returned [sic.] to [illegible word] seclusion and during my absence there had been a request sent for several of us youngsters to go and sit up with a lady who had just died although much wearied with my walk I consented to accompany the girls. When we arrived at Mr. Wilkin’s it was near dark and very soon the wind blew considerably and the rain came down in torrents. I sat up all night.
Saturday July 10th
Returned in the morning much wearied with my nights’ watching and slept part of the morning in the afternoon several of my friends came in and Bella Gobbs consented to remain with us all night.
Sunday July 11th
Arose with the intention of going to church but before the time felt too much indisposed to attend and remained at home. Today received a letter from Dr. Walker.
Monday July 12th
Went shopping this morning made but small purchases and returned and cut out a dress and spent the day very busily employed sewing.
Teusday [sic.] July 13th
Remained busily employed until in the afternoon when with good horses Valina and I went to Uncle Jhy [sic.] Gibbs where we got Isabella and went several miles further to Dr. Heus’ where we were heartily welcomed and cordially treated.
Wednesday July 14th
Remained at Dr. Hues’ until late in the afternoon and then rode to town where we arrived just as the shades of evening were closing around us when I arrived received a letter from my loved mother and one from cousin L. Walker and one from Asgal King retired at an early hour.
Thursday July 15th
After retiring last night I fell asleep but to awake suffering intense pain and was very sick awoke this morning suffering considerably with my head but my kind friends have been constant in their exertions to relieve me.
Friday July 16th
Awoke this morning perfectly recovered from my late indisposition and able to continue my employments. in [sic.] the afternoon went to Mrs. Coffman’s intending to remain all night. spent [sic.] the time very pleasantly until time to retire went to my room and read several chapters in the holiest of book and with prayers for the loved ones of my heart I laid my body down to rest.
Saturday July 17th
Arose refreshed but a little depressed in spirits but after an application for grace at a throne of love I felt cheerful and ready for any dispensation of divine providence spent the day with Mrs. Coffman and being sent for returned to Nat Seclusion where I met Cousin Frank Torrence who remained until after three o’clock when I accompanied Cynthia and Mary Eliza Sims to the store from there we went to the Post office but was disappointed in getting letters returned to Mrs. Coffman’s but finding Mrs. Coff had gone to Mrs. Gibs [illegible word] I followed her and returned when she did late we walked to the [Bascom] institute for young ladies.
the evening was spent in cheerful conversation and music when we all retired to rest.
Sunday July 18th
This morning arose and before I had begun to arrange my toilet for breakfast I received a letter penned by the hand one the one to whom I had given my heart and within only a few days of the time when I should resign my earthly happiness into his keeping but what was my distress when I learned that he had been lying on a bed of affliction and I could not be near to comfort and relieve Heaven grant he may soon recover and that in a few days I may see him and be happy in his society.
Monday July 19th
Arose this morning much depressed in spirits owing I believe to the intelligence I received yesterday of the illness of Dr. Walker can it be possible that he is to be snatched from me by the restless hand of death just as I imagine I was going to enter into the joy of being ever near him to cheer and to comfort. O no my trust is in an ever just and wise providence and he in his wisdom will govern all things aright. In the afternoon
[Susan?] Coffman came up to see me and I returned home with her to remain all night quite a wind arose before we reached home and then quite a shower.
Teusday [sic.] July 20th
Returned from Mrs. Coffman’s to [Nat?] Seclusion about ten o’clock and was busily employed until three when I went out calling returned and was employed until eleven when sonmnus made his usual demands.
Wednesday July 21st
Arose this morning and have all day been much engaged making preparations for my nuptials of tomorrow. O how soon to think that tonight is the last I shall claim as mine in the state of single blessedness tomorrow to relinquish friends relations and associates to join my destiny to the one who has won the jewels of my heart but who can tell what may follow the transactions of tomorrow Grant O my heavenly Father that this anticipated union may prove a blessing to both of thy unworthy subject and may we always live in thy sight blameless and do all we do to thy honor and glory. 12 o’clock
Grenada July 22 1852
Today was my wedding wedding [sic.] day. the [sic.] sun rose clear and cloudless and buisy [sic.] preparations were going on for the events of the evening. when [sic.] about four o’clock my brother arrived bringing news of the gentleman being not far behind, not long afterward Dr. Walker came to call on me but remained but a few minutes as we both labored under some embarrassment. About seven o’clock all attired I and my Bridesmaids (Cynthia [Ganong?] and Isabella Gibbs) were waiting the arrival of the gentlemen but never before did I have such feelings the awful solemnity of the responsible station I was about to take was so deeply impressed upon my mind that it rendered me almost miserable. At last Dr. Walker and his attendants came and I believe the embarrassment was shared by all at last I summoned courage to ask the Doctor to walk with me upon the Piasa [sic.] where we spent a few moments in conversation and then descended to the Parlor where my chosen minister Rev. David Wells performed a short, solemn, and impressive ceremony, after which the evening passed pleasantly away with Music and lively conversation
We were honored with a most excellent supper which was prepared by the kindness of my friends Many of my friends were there who I had known in my childhood days and some who ere but infants when I left this dear place were now present just budding into womanhood.
Remained with my friends until after dinner when we took leave of those who had shown me so much kindness. Now I was leaving friends under far different circumstances to any before in my life. for [sic.] now I was going forth into the world relying upon a new protector and bearing a new relationship. how [sic.] I was the happy bride but how long was the bright dream to continue. We drove out to cousin Hugh Torrances’s where we were cordially greeted by all the family. an [sic.] excellent supper had been prepared for us and at a late hour we retired to the repose offered our fatigued and weary bodies.
Saturday July 24th
Started early from Cousin Hugh’s and arrived in Spring Dale about one o’clock where we were cordially welcomed and introduced into a neatly fitted room which had been arranged during the Doctor’s absence at his request I was much fatigued with my ride and spent most of the afternoon in sleep. My Brother and Asgal returned to Oxford During the night Irvin arrived in the stage but stayed only a few minutes.
Sunday July 25th
All day much indisposed threatened with an attack of fever. took [sic.] a does of pills and in the evening much better. Mrs. Ford is boarding at the same house that we are.
Thursday July 29th
One week of my wedded life has passed smoothly and pleasantly away. no hovering cloud has arisen to obscure the joyous happiness of my union no heartache has ever entered my devoted bosom and O may it ever be so that we may have to endure tribula
tions of any kind that a wise and just providence may inflict but do grant that not one regret may ever enter our bosoms that we are to be partners for life may we mutually stress to contribute to the happiness and enjoyment of each other and then may our lives pass peacefully away having led useful and profitable lives contributing to the comfort of the suffering sharing the love of those near and dear and let our names be remembered as those who have not lived entirely for self but for others’ good. This evening received a letter from my dear mother accompanied by a few lines of poetry by Miss Hens on my Wedding Night.
Friday July 30th
Buisily engaged all day arranging comfort and convinences [sic.] for our room and had the kind assistance of my dear companion who by his tender attentions speak too plainly to be misunderstood a heart susceptible of feeling and sharing another’s cares.
Wednesday August 11th 1852 L.D.
Saturday July 31st commenced a protracted meeting at Zion I did not attend until at night. Sunday August 1st made preparations to attend church at 11 o’clock and expected to be accompanied by my own Dr. Walker but just before time to leave he was called away to visit the sick. Maj. [Larshe?] returned from church to accompany me hearing of the Doctor’s disappointment. Heard Mr. Ford preach returned just after my own had returned: Attended church at night and witnessed the outpouring of the spirit of God and sinners connected and rejoicing in the joy of regenerated souls Monday attended church at eleven o’clock also at night. The Doctor was called away some twelve miles. Teusday [sic.] 3rd August. Awoke early expecting to be cheered by the presence of my own loving Doctor but was disappointed to see that he had not been near. About nine o’clock he returned with a chill which was succeeded by a burning fever which lasted all day and left him very sick all night. Wednesday 4th another chill came on and he was compelled to endure
another day of excruciating pain. it [sic.] was a pleasure for me to administer to his wants and exert myself to alleviate his pain for all I did seemed to call forth some endearing name and caused him so much pleasure that nothing that I could do would be too much. Thursday 5th The Doctor still very sick though some better than he had been the day previous. Friday 6th Mrs. Ford taken immediately after breakfast with severe chill. the [sic.] Doctor exerted himself to dress an[d] visit her room. he [sic.] then administered some medicine but kept his room the remainder of the day. Saturday 7th August Court was held and several persons were here from Oxford. The Doctor received a letter from his sister containing intelligence of the severe illness of his parents with a request that he would visit them immediately but upon due consideration we did not think it would be prudent or [illegible word] for him to start in his present state of health to take a ride of such a length in the burning sun of an summer month and his head had been much afflicted
during his sickness Mrs. Ford was still very sick. Sunday 8th The Doctor’s health was still improving but Mrs. Ford was much worse her parents and Dr. Isom were sent for who came in the afternoon. The Dr. seemed disposed to give me a talking for my intention of using my influence relative to My Doctor going to Texas. Monday 9th Mrs. Ford was still very sick. several [sic.] ladies in to see her. I suffered exceedingly with sick headache. Tuesday 10th August Mrs. Ford still very sick but better than the day previous. Dr. Isom here again. My Doctor caught in a shower of rain and came home dripping wet. Wednesday August 11th Today I have scarcely done enough to waste time to write it after breakfast sat sometime listening to my Doctor read some of the [illegible word] then accompanied him to his office assisted him make pills and returned to our room where I employed myself sewing and reading until the dinner hour this afternoon several ladies have been here and after they were gone I took a pleasant ride by the side of my own loved husband. returned [sic.]
and since supper I have been writing he has been administering physic to some of his patients and now while waiting for me to finish he is lying near me wrapt in quiet slumber. perhaps [sic.] dreaming of the lofty heights which his ambitious resolves often picture to his aspiring soul. O may his high ambitious dreams be realized. Tomorrow will be three weeks since we were joined in holy wedlock not a single cloud has arisen on our pathway to dim the brightness of our lives (excepting the opposition of his father) tis true the time is short for a trial of lives but my Heavenly father do in thy mercy and goodness grant that our lives may ever thus pass away and may never jar or discord arise between us but be ever ready to overlook and forgive each others’ faults and correct them in ourselves may never a regret arise that we have been thus united but may the pure stream ever glow on unruffled by storms or [dire?] tempests. let [sic.] cares, troubles, [illegible word], afflictions or bereavements befall us but never let a cloud of distant or doubt arise to
cloud our pathway may our love continue to grow purer and more strong with our lives. that [sic.] we may truly be said to live for each other.
Thursday August 12th 1852
Tonight three weeks ago and there was assembled at Mr. James Sims’ a pleasant little party to witness my marriage to Dr. Walker happily joyously and pleasantly passed away the hours and the sound of music and the gay laugh of the happy party rang forth and filled the house Three weeks have passed away and at this hour I am now in my own quiet chamber with my chosen companion where we can share each others joys impart each others feelings and sympathise [sic.] in each others sorrows This evening the Doctor and I rode out together and before our return he received a call to visit a patient and we returned immediately and to pass the time away pleasantly while he was absent. I spent it in writing a long letter to Carrie Rea one of my particular and much loved friends since supper and since the return of the Doctor Bro Able the preacher on this circuit has spent the time in pleasant conversation Now for bed.
Friday September 3rd 1852
Three weeks and a day have passed away and no journalizing partly [illegible word] by sickness and partly by absence and company. The Sabbath following the last date I rode out with the Doctor to Old Father Goodwin’s who was sick. I returned with violent headache and strong predisposition to fever. I retired at an early hour and felt much better the following morning until about nine o’clock I was taken with a chill and was the remainder of the day scorched with raging fever and suffered exceedingly with my head my own loved husband evinced the deepest solicitude for my sufferings and ten times the degree of pain could have been bourn [sic.] with even pleasure while I knew that I held such a place in his heart that my slightest pain could call forth his sympathy his attentions were unremitting and even my slightest wish was gratified if within his power his attentions were only to be compared to those of a kind and tender Mother and in saying this I say [illegible word] to those who have
known devoted mothers I was confined to my bed until Friday afternoon. Saturday I regained my strength considerably. Sunday I accompanied Doctor to Mr. Higenbotham’s [illegible word] very sick. Monday was employed making preserves of some apples which had been given me at Mr. H’s. Teusday [sic.] made preparations to go the following day to Oxford.
Wednesday morning took leave of my own love and in the stage went to Oxford found all my friends in good health felt a little fatigued by my ride and called in at Mrs. Mitchell’s in the evening where I saw Lucy Hudson and several other ladies. Thursday was buisily [sic.] employed all morning in the afternoon called on Old Mrs. Shires Miss Wyatte and Mrs. Robinson & [illegible word]. Friday remained at my Uncle’s until in the afternoon then went shopping then accompanied by Mrs. Wyatt called in the buggy on Mr. Burney’s family at the University then on Mrs. Walton a lady who was married just the day before I was to her third husband. Saturday remained at Home all day. in
the afternoon Mrs. Wyatte Miss. Dill and Miss Vann called. Just before supper my own came and we remained until sunday [sic.] morning when we rode to our town to dinner. it [sic.] was a long but pleasant ride the last ever being the case when I’m accompanied by the chosen one of my life. Monday went to visit a sick lady in the afternoon went to Mr. Higenbotham’s sent for my Cousin Jane King who was at Mr. [Michell’s] and was coming to spend several days with me. Teusday [sic.] she arrived at our boarding place accompanied by several other young ladies. Wednesday we remained at home until the afternoon when we rode to Mr. H’s Thursday remained at home all day. Friday morning went to hunt Muscadines and found sour grapes in the afternoon took a long siesta and some fine melons with James Goodin in the store and then went to Mr. Goodin’s where we remained until after supper when we were hurried back by Irving who was crazy to get back to Mr. Michell’s with Jane tonight finding persuasion
of no avail we were compelled to see her leave though it was already dark and no more to light them on their way so hurrying over the last three weeks I’m once more at a stopping place and will now prepare for a visit to the regions of the ever immortal Somnus.
Monday 13th Sept. 1852
Since my last journalizing have once more had the hand of affliction laid upon me in the form of fever.
Saturday 4th I was attacked with fever intended that evening going to Mr. Larshe’s but my fever increased to such a degree that I was not able to leave.
Sunday 5th continued very sick.
Monday 6th was worse than the day previous.
Teusday [sic.] 7th something better
Wednesday 8th still continued improving
Thursday 9th was still better Mrs. Larshe and Miss Hood called to see me.
Friday 10th was able to read the [illegible word] went to an exhibition returned at three o’clock and left immediately to see a patient
Saturday 11th I intended going to Mr. Larche to spend to night but heard that the ladies would be away from home and then concluded to ride as far as Mr. Shiffs where we remained until after tea when we rode home.
Sunday 12th Felt much better than I had for sometime My Doctor was permitted for once to remain all day with me undisturbed by a single call in the evening we read together until a late hour.
And now Monday night finds us here in our room each pursuing our respective occupations I have not been very well today but have written two letters one to my father and one to Isabella Gibbs of Grenada. I have been assisting the Dr. Post up his books and now tired and sleepy will prepare for bed.
Oxford Miss Dec. 12th 1852
Since the last date in this book many have been the incidents that have transpired under my own observation having since that date been laid on a bed of affliction and through the mercy of an indulgent creator once more restored to health such that I have visited many friends who are near and dear to me and around whom the tenderest [sic.] memories will ever cling but it is one of the evils entailed upon us for the transgression of our first parents to suffer disease and we should always feel that we are at the disposal of our heavenly Father and he can deal with us as he deems fit and it is not our province to murmur at his dispensations.
On Monday Sept 13th My health was improving slowly from my last attack of fever intended going to Eugene Larshe’s but was prevented by the Dr. being called away.
Teusday [sic.] Sept 14th Arose in the morning pretty well but after breakfast the doctor was absent was seized with a pain in my bowels an
sides and suffered considerably for half the day in the afternoon accompanied by my affectionate husband I went to Mr. Larshe’s when he left me there for the night. Wednesday Sept 15th Went to Uncle Jason Wilson’s where I was cordially received and had a most excellent dinner which was delayed sometime waiting for the Dr. but he did not arrive in the evening returned to Mr. L’s with Miss Heard and the Dr. did not arrive until sometime in the night having been detained all day with a lady with congestive fever and chills in the evening.
Thursday Sept 16th early in this morning returned home the air was cool and chilly for one whose system had been [illegible word] by two attacks of fever in the last two months. in [sic.] the afternoon the Dr. was called away to visit a Mr. Rea’s family. a [sic.] negro of Mr. Addington is now lying at the point of death he has seemed much concerned about the salvation of his [never] dying soul and I in my feeble way attempted to direct him to a crucified redeemer he was attentive to all I could say to him on the subject.
Friday Sept 17th Remained all day at home until in the afternoon when I accompanied my Husband to see Mr. Higg[enbotham?] who was very low with disease of the lungs.
Saturday 18th The Dr. had a chill but was called to see Mr. Higgenbotham who seemed worse. I during his absence indulged too freely in exercise which he foretold would terminate in a chill, but late I made my toilet and accompanied him to Mr. H’s where there was to be a family meeting as the old gentleman was not expected to live and I was invited to be one of the party. shortly [sic.] after supper the Dr. was called away and was compelled professionally to leave and by that means was deprived of being witness to a most interesting scene. after [sic.] the relatives and neighbors had collected Mr. H requested that all his servants should be called in. prayers [sic.] and singing opened the services and never before have I participated in anything so interesting. Father’s Mother’s Daughters sons
grandchildren neighbors and servants composed the company around the sick couch of the Elder parent servants’ prayers went up for their prostrate master children’s tears dropped for their devoted sire neighbor petitions were wafted forth for a constant friend and a devoted wife’s deep sobs told of the deep sorrow that would rend that heart should the supporter of her youth and companion of her age be torn from her but all had a most glorious testimony that all was right in that man’s heart to fit [illegible words] an inheritence [sic.] above. he [sic.] called for all in the room to come individually and shake hands with him each one in turn went forward to that bed and while he grasped each hand he gave an admonition, advice or encouragement. he [sic.] talked until it was thought advisable for him to take rest when all were dispersed and retired to rest
On Sunday 19th I had another chill at Mr. Higgenbothams.
Monday 19th Sept rained all day so that I could not return home.
Teusday [sic.] 20th had another chill and My cousin Thomas Caimbers called to see me.
Thursday 21st Went to a quilting at Old Mr. Reese’s returned in a hard rain
Friday 22nd Went to Oxford in the Stage
Saturday 23rd Attended the Odd fellows lodge and [illegible word] was initiated into the mysteries of Rebecca a very interesting degree was not well and returned much fatigued.
Sunday 24th attended church twice.
25 Monday returned to Spring Dale and was attacked that evening with fever.
Helena Karnes Co. Texas
August 26th 1854
Retrospection calls up many memories thought to have been forgotten long ere this and reminds me that near two years have elapsed since my pen had entered a thought upon these neglected pages. Since the last date many and varied have been the scenes through which I have passed. Since then my loved and darling Brother has changed his mortal garments for the pure blood washed robes of immortality. On the [ninth] day of January 1853 his pure spirit took its everlasting flight to regions of bliss and neither the wishes of loving friends or tears and prayers of devoted relatives could stay course. To me that has been the hardest trail of my life. to [sic.] see the young life die out and the once animated form of my loved brother Rufus laid away to be food for worms seemed more than I could bear at times I was almost guilty of murmuring at the dispensations of my [illegible word] Heavenly Father and though at times could it be possible that he would see fit to take
my brother from me as if I could be a creature more favored in his sight than many far better by practice had been. those [sic.] who had but kindred and friends until they were left as some lone tree on the waste of life One Morning during his illness when my heart was almost bursting with anguish at the idea of his being taken from me; but before I thought he was aware of his situation I had taken up my bible to try there to find some consolation in a short time he opened his eyes and asked me to read to him gladly I seated myself by his bedside and read from Psalms many of the passages where David so beautifully expresses his thanks to his Divine [Master?] in all his misfortunes and afflictions. while [sic.] reading my own bleeding heart was soothed and laying my hand upon his pure noble brow I said my brother do you feel like the Psalmist you can bless the Lord in all your afflictions and if he should see fit to take you from earth be ready to meet him. A sweet smile played around his mouth and he then relied yes sister
I know that Jesus loves me and if I die I shall go to him and I am ready at any time but said I my dear brother dont [sic.] you think it will be a great affliction to your dear parents and brothers and sister. Yes said he sister but would it not be a great deal better for me to be taken now than to live in this wicked world and perhaps be misled by temptations and sometimes go worse when I made a profession of the religion of my Savior many of my my [sic.] associates laughed at me and ridiculed my religion but now they can see how it can make me feel upon a dying bed, my dear old blind Grandmother appreciate my professions and often talked with me on the subject.” At that moment I felt that I could willingly say the will of the Lord be done. Shortly after this conversation a most excellent old gentleman came in and going to the bedside said Rufus how do you feel now. he unclosed his eyes and looked at him and said very comfortable then seemed to forget his own afflictions and said how is Miss Martha. Mr. Worley (she was a young lady who was sick at the same time
and a daughter of Mr. Worley) Upon Mr. Worley answering him and asking him if he was prepared for all the dispensations of his Maker he replied he was and ready at any time for his summons then looking him straight in the face he said Mr. Worley you were with me when I professed religion was’nt [sic.] I sincere.” it seemed childish the simplicity of the question that it went to every heart. Yes said Mr. Worley I was with you Rufus and believed there was sincerity in your every expression. Mr. Worley then read the 14th Chapt of John and made a very appropriate prayer during which time my brother mind seemed intensely fixed on heavenly things and never seemed to wish to remain in this suffering world. he [sic.] lingered on until Sabbath morning after every remedy which could be imagined had been resorted to his peaceful spirit took its immortal flight to realms above. just [sic.] before his death I approached his bedside and spoke to him he knew me and upon my asking him what I should tell our parents and little brothers for him he aroused up and said first where is Wilber then
recovering himself he said bear them my farewell and tell them I’m happy once when he thought I was [rushing?] to do something more for him he said sister let me go you know I have suffered so much this year now let me go to rest and shortly afterwards his eyes closed forever upon us in this world. The following day his funeral was preached by brother Stanford G. Burney we laid him beside our dear old Grandfather and a very appropriate prayer by one who had been his Sabbath school teacher was made and we left him in is cold low dwelling to meet him I trust in a happy world above.
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Gonzales Gonzales Co. Texas Jan 1st 1860
Jan 1st Six years have run their course since this book has been the recipient of the thoughts and actions of the writer and what account have those years bourn to eternity? I fear many mis-spent moments, many an unchristian thought and many an uncharitable word has found place in the mind and upon the lips of the one who does sincerely wish to become more holy and more devoted to the cause of Christ. O how often the fell tempter enters the portal of my soul and depriving it of all control leads it on so far that it forgets to command he evil spirit depart and get behind me satan but goes on until we almost doubt the religion that we had once obtained and believe that no such joys are intended for us: but bless our heavenly parent sometimes he gives us a glimse [sic.] of his benign countenance and makes us feel a little heaven within our bosoms. The past years! O how deeply does the thoughts of crowd upon each other of the events of past six years. New friendships have been made and the ruthless hand of Death
has been at work and laid the tall and stately low, the young and budding youth is missed the proud and ambitious ones have sunk into obscurity of the grace and the matronly and beloved have passed away the stranger who came to our chime to be reinvigorated and entwined herself around our hearts has gone back to the home of her fathers a proud and honored bride to fade and wither and be laid at rest. O the past six years how fearfully solemn the retrospection. The noble in manhood; in gifted and ambitious minds those earnest to do go the rosy youth and fond mothers and proud fathers and loved and sainted friends have we seen alike laid in their last resting places. Yet sadness and gloom have not been all prevalent but often the sunshine of gladness has entered ours and the [illegible word] of our friends gilding the clouds and as ever [illegible word] the the [sic.] clouds tear their silver linings making it brighter by contrast. Joy many times has entered our bosoms and at no time more welcome than in the conversion of
a beloved husband and brother and another inmate of our household; for years they had been the objects of my most fervent prayers in the course of two short weeks all three came into the fold of Christ. My faith had almost begun to waver any my own condition I often had cause to deplore. but [sic.] on the darkest moment my redeemer unveiled his face and gave me once more evidences of my acceptance and now I can say with a truth that it is good for me to serve the Lord and I hope to dwell in the house of the Lord forever. O the the [sic.] unspeakable riches of his grace and would that I could serve him more and better and more acceptably every hour of my unprofitable life O my Adored and Beautiful Parent I do thank thee for all that thou hast already done for me through the blood of my precious deliverer but would still plead with the for more grace to uphold me and an ever abiding witness of the holy spirit to guide and direct me in the right and strengthen me in the hour of temptation
O my Father subdue all evil ungovernable dispositions that may arise to mar the beauty of thy religion rebuke all tempers which may arise to hide my Saviour from my view and grant at all times and in all places that I may feel the fullness of of [sic.] God and lead a life that may not cast reproach upon the cause of Christ my Redeemer and if it be thy will make me instrumental in doing much good ever to the salvation of sinners that a multitude of my great and enormous sins may be [illegible word] and remembered no more against me.
Three little innocents had thou entrusted to my core uphold me by they grace that I may discharge every duty incumbent upon me in the instruction of these that I may render a faithful account of my stewardship and they be made fit through the blood of the Lamb for thy kingdom and a seat at the right hand of the Father.
Jan. 2 Today busied myself with my household duties and found my mind often turning to holy and diving things and often diving down into the inward heart to bring up and place before my maker the entire pollution resting there and throw myself as ever into the arms of mercy and there through the blood of Christ be cleansed from all sin O My Diving Father look down on thy unworthy creature and crown her with all the christian [sic.] virtues in this world and a glorious immortality hereafter give me grace to discharge all my duties of Wife, Mother, Mistress and friend that if my reward comes not in this life in that to come we may all form a happy household above and sing and praise Thee there forever.
Jan 3 Spent this morning in Making purchases for Dr.’s sister returned home eat dinner, and getting ready to visit one of my neighbors gave some directions to a servant who seemed to have a pretty severe attack of the sulks upon which I gave her a pretty severe reprimand but endeavored to hold up to her eyes the heinousness of treating me with so much disrespect who had nursed and attended her in sickness and afflictions as though she were my own mother she at first attempted to justify herself upon the plea of sickness but finding I would accept no such excuse for bad temper she remained silent I left her with these reflections and upon my return home I found her in fine humor and her health improved within the hour from appearances and have heard no complaint since Do give my strength of character purpose to always administer reproof in such a manner as to touch the heart and reform the temper of those about me. Do give me strength to control myself. Had today a very interesting conversation with a friend upon diving providence and submission to his will
Jan 4 Spent today with Sister Wilson upon my return found a note from a lady friend communicating a most outrageous expression of a mother from the household of her own son; and requesting me to take the old lady into my house I answered not[e] in the affirmative for which I have received a not[e] expressive of the most sincere thanks and calling down blessings upon my head. My Father grant that I may ever have my ear open to the distress of the poorest and most degraded of thy creatures and ever imbue me with a spirit to do good under all circumstances and in all places. give [sic.] me the judgement [sic.] to speak in reason and out of thy doing with thy creatures and that such may result in the conversion of many souls.
Jan 5 Visited Bro Davidson’s family today and spent the day pleasantly returned and visited a friend with a dying infant. Who told that since our conversation of the 3rd she had been praying to let the will of the Lord be done whether in accordance with her wishes or not. O my father ever invest me with the spirit to pour the oil of consolation and submission into the hearts of my loved friends and let these counsels strike deep into my own heart that I may profit thereby. My husband visited one of his patients last night who has been very wicked but has within the past week experienced forgiveness and last night requested Dr. to [illegible word] and pray with him in which he complied and left him in a very happy frame of mind waiting for the hour of his deliverance from this world of care and sin. Mrs. Bond the lady who was driven from her son’s ( Mr. [illegible word]) house in a most shameful manner came to me this evening and O that that [sic.] poor [illegible word] money loving son could see the glaring crime of ingratitude and irreverence for age as it is presented to my eyes.
Jan 21 Have today once more sat under the sound of the voice of a beloved minister who has been absent from our state several years to try and divest himself and family of an eating grief for a beloved son and brother who had been torn from their embraces by the ruthless hand of the insatiable red man of the forest. Bro. McGehee seems still to allow at times his grief to almost overpower him but may the Lord in his wisdom see it good to give him grace to bear his afflictions with christian patience and resignation. Tonight Bro Descheal delivered a most excellent discourse and during the closing services I must thank my Heavenly Father for manifesting himself to me in [illegible word] my drooping soul to feel glad and pour forth with more spirit than usual in the house of praise which was [illegible word] O my Heavenly Father deign to be with me during the coutenence [sic.] of this meeting and bless my soul and the souls of all thy children in a most powerful manner for Jesus Christ Our
Redeemer’s sake grant that we may be all baptised [sic.] in a most signal manner by thy Holy Spirit and may not only christians be renewed but may many sinners be convicted and converted to thee do grant these the prayers of one of thy most unprofitable servants go with us be with us and remain with during the day tomorrow and may it [illegible word] to thy glory hereafter through Jesus Christ! Sake.
[Note: The remaining pages include a type of school grade book without grades listed along with one list of goods to be purchased.]